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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect replies for sons party invites

27 replies

nerfqueen · 14/09/2017 22:42

Its ds birthday party this weekend and where he is having it there is a minimum booking for ten kids. We sent the invites out to nine people with a reply by date. Five have replied. We have since sent out four more with two replying.

Aibu to expect people to let us know if their children can attend? The invites were handed out in the morning before school started so parents were aware off them so none left in bottom of book bags and not been found.

I don't know how many party bags to prepare, I would presume only for those who replied. However, another mum was telling me this morning that she sent out 20 invites had 10 replies but 15 turned up!!

OP posts:

LanaDReye · 14/09/2017 22:43

Sadly this is common, not something you have done!

Littlebelina · 14/09/2017 22:48

You are not alone. Still waiting for 1/3 of people to reply one day before the deadline I set (although experience says I'll get a flutter of more tomorrow). I'm expecting a few not to reply at all. Only ever had one turn up not replying though but always allow for a few (this is the first year I have done a paid for activity though). Did u put a rsvp date on your invites?

MummaTwinkleToes · 14/09/2017 23:02

Not replying is so rude and annoying. Always have a rsvp date a couple of days prior to your venue's confirmation date as you always get last minute or late acceptances. Recently I had 5people not bother to reply and then on the day 2mums turned up with older siblings. I prepared 4 extra bags as I had left over stuff.

AreWeThereYet000 · 14/09/2017 23:06

In the same boat, my sons party next week, sent out 25 invites, had about 12 replies. Left mobile number and email address on the invites. I've made enough party bags for everyone we invited, figured if people don't show then I'll hand them out to the siblings of kids that turn up.

More bothered about my son than party bags, I just don't want him to be upset if no one shows it's his first party he's had after starting school in January

hibbledobble · 14/09/2017 23:10

It happens all the time and is so annoying.

I've given up now and will only have a very small party this year, as I'm fed up with people not replying or saying they will come and not turning up. It's incredibly rude.

StrumpersPlunkett · 14/09/2017 23:12

Rude - very
Standard - very
I have learned over the years to email invitations
I follow up with a reminder a week or so later
If it is a couple of days before I send a 'I haven't heard so will presume your child is NOT attending' email

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/09/2017 23:36

Do you get replies to that email Strumpers?

I had nine no-shows to ds's party. Two of the non-attendees were an invited child and his little brother, mum asked if it was OK if he came too. I said, "Yes, fine". And then they didn't turn up!!

Nine though! We were demoted in the venue (it was soft play) to a smaller party room for the food. The venue probably felt sorry for us as they gave me free vouchers.

It feels shit but at least the similar stories on here has meant I don't take it personally any more, people just seem to have different priorities...

Lovingmybear2 · 14/09/2017 23:40

Totally agree it's so bloody rude and ajways the same suspects too.

Get more party bags than you invited just in case and you can ajways share out any left over things with the attendees.

It's par for the course with some people

Lovingmybear2 · 14/09/2017 23:41

Thenoodle

Ah that's awful hope your ds wasn't upset?

VeryCunningStunt · 14/09/2017 23:42

Older DC's class: 80-90% reply rate.
Younger DC's class: around a 20% response rate, if I'm lucky. Some will reply to say they are coming then not turn up, others don't reply but turn up anyway, often with siblings in tow. It's a complete lottery.

I'm not doing parties again this year, I cannot take the stress!

Greebz · 14/09/2017 23:53

Yanbu but this incredibly rude behavious is surprisingly common! We did all-class-invited parties for DC when in primary schools and it was ALWAYS the same 6 or 7 kids who didn't RSVP but would turn up first every bloody year. Used to drive me potty!

TheNoodlesIncident · 15/09/2017 00:13

Thanks Loving, ds didn't notice so much as we had invited the whole class so there were still plenty who did come - it was me who was more upset at the time (not that I showed it!)

I think maybe people are so busy these days and most children want a party each birthday that there are a subset of parents who now think someone's birthday party is no big deal really. Which isn't considerate to the hosts, who just want to make a nice occasion for their child. It doesn't take much to respond yes thanks or sorry no, does it? And so rude to just not turn up either, especially without giving any reason, ie "sorry Johnny not feeling well so we're staying home"

OP I would make as many party bags as you've invitees, you can always dismantle any left over...

SquareSquares · 15/09/2017 00:29

Happens all the time. Usually we've only had people turn up who have responded to the invite but at DD's most recent party one person did turn up who hadn't responded. Luckily I had made some spare party bags

StrumpersPlunkett · 16/09/2017 15:30

Wow 9!!! That is hideous!
I don't tend to get responses from final email but they don't turn up either.

It is a lot easier when they are a little older and you are only inviting 3-4 good friends whose parents you know well.

Hugepeppapigfan · 16/09/2017 15:37

Waiting on 11RSVPs for a party next weekend. Final deadline for venue is Monday. :-/

Witsender · 16/09/2017 15:43

We had a party for 8 this summer, all of whom RSVPd yes.

Sent out a message in the week prior confirming bthe address etc, all bar one replied in the positive. Saw the one the say before the party...chat chat chat, they said they were coming. Then didn't turn up. So rude.

Another didn't turn up either, which out of 8 is a reasonable proportion. Messaged the one I had seen a few days later to make sure all was ok, no reply. Seen them since, no mention of it, apology etc. Very odd.

Noodledoodledoo · 16/09/2017 16:02

I have only done non per head parties so far so if they don't RSVP its not such an issue. I was more irritated last weekend at my DC joint party that people who had said they were coming failed to turn up and didn't bother to contact me to say either way. Both people I thought were fairly good friends and no indication on eithers fb there were any issues.

I get issues happen but a week on not a word. So unbelievably rude.

Popfan · 16/09/2017 21:35

I used to text them to ask if they were coming - could you do that?

Threenme · 16/09/2017 21:42

I had 4 text me the evening my dd party beteeen 5-9 pm! Is it to late to come. Luckily venue very relaxed!

swimbikerun123 · 16/09/2017 21:43

I sent out invites last Monday giving three weeks notice of the party (start of term), 2 replies so far...both a no. Waiting on 9 more to reply. DS in in bits, apparently no one likes him, no one wants to be friends, no one sits with him etc.
His self esteem is dropping daily and he's checking my phone for reply texts. He does have some SENs which I guess put some kids off him, but he is a lovely chappy.
I'm giving a few more days and then asking the parents in the playground if they can come.
It's the lack of thought from the parents who haven't considered that a child might be desperate for a party and don't understand how this affects them waiting for replies.

Lelloteddy · 16/09/2017 21:46

It's so rude and surprisingly common.

I would love to know the mindset of other parents who can't be arsed to type a response to an invitation.

Threenme · 16/09/2017 21:57

Swim I see this all the time with parents of SEN kids thinking that's why kids don't invite them places etc and I 100% believe it is the ignorance of parents. Kids I've taught are so lovely and understanding and accepting. I know it might feel hard as you don't see what happens in school but there are lots of kind kids hope ds is ok

AJPTaylor · 16/09/2017 21:57

The best response i had was when
I put invite in an A4 envelope addressed to The Parents of

And typed my own invite saying i had ti know by the following Monday before paying deposits. If i had not heard by then, i would assume child was not coming and would not pay deposit.
I had 8 out of 10 replies that evening.

QuackDuckQuack · 16/09/2017 22:15

I've missed invitations in bookbags twice - it's really embarrassing and I do feel bad. It's only a big problem when the parents don't have contact details for me to chase the invitation up. This inevitably means it's the first time we've been in contact, so it's a crap start to a relationship. But otherwise I always reply the day we get an invitation as I know I'd mess up if I didn't.

dontstophelping · 16/09/2017 22:21

Ybvvvvvvvvvu.

The last 4 parties I've thrown (ds bday x 2), Halloween party and summer party I've got one or two replies. I've had to specifically ask each person and even then most didn't bother to get back to me. And turned up anyway. In the case of the Halloween and summer party empty handed despite being told it was a byob and potluck.

Ds's parties were strictly head counted events as in a venue. Some people who didn't bother to reply showed up with 2 kids.

This seems to happen so much nowadays.

So yes, yabu to expect common decency.

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