To expect DH to help choose our DCs primary school?

[Bubbinsmakesthree]

Primary school open days coming up and I am making appointments to visit our local schools as eldest DC will be in reception next year. Three schools in realistic contention.

I am currently on maternity leave and can easily attend open days. DH would have to take time off work (though he can often manage to work from home and have a bit of flexibility to attend Drs appointments etc).

AIBU to think he should come to the open days? Or is it OK for him to leave the decision to me?

I would assume that my husband trusted me to make the correct decision for our child.

Not particularly. I made all decision concerning education. Actually Im not sure he actually knew where our youngest went to school.

I did it all, DH had no input.

It's because he's a teacher. Couldn't take time off to look at schools.

All worked out fine.

I did it all, DH basically just agreed with my decisions. Slightly irritating, yes, but at least you get to do what you like!

We had the reverse recently for nurseries. DH off on parental leave, he found and made all decisions on nursery.

He brought back the materials, we discussed but his choice as he had been there

In my experience (London) it is unlikely that you will be in the realistic catchment area of more than one (half decent) primary school. Having the choice is a complete illusion. Whatever you "choose" on the form, you will probably just get a place at your nearest one.

I wouldn't expect DH to take time off work or adjust his working patterns just to visit a Primary School.

I just applied to our three local ones and then told DH about it afterwards.

I made the decisions about nurseries and childminders. Primary school just feels like a bigger deal. If the roles were reverse I just can't imagine not taking an interest!

There are two nearest to us, and we are both going to the open days.

It's not a huge difficulty for him to book two days holiday, and his ideas about what is valued in a school is as important as my mine.

Have you asked him to visit with you

We're both taking time off to go to the open days for three schools. (We're outside London, and judging by previous years there's a realistic chance of getting into at least 4 or 5, though only one is an absolute guaranteed bet).

Both of us visited the nurseries, too.

I don't think you're BU unless he absolutely can't take time off (teacher, working away, or the like).

We did it together, for nursery, primary and secondary. It didn't really occur to us to do it any differently.

I've asked if he wanted to and he said no. However it will impact him directly depending on how close/far the school is from home as he'll share the drop offs and pick ups. We've got one school literally at the end of our road or one with a good rep that is a 40min round trip. If I like the one that's further away I'd be commiting us both to a long school run for the next 10 years!

I didnt take time off.

Dh works for himself so ge eent and told me what he thought and gave me the run down.

An open day in a primary school provides no real information about if it's appropriate, it certainly doesn't need more than one person to go and then they can provide the information gained back.

If the superficial information obtained on an open day makes you decide the 40 minute round trip, then it's probably better not to go on any. The reality is the school at the end of the road would need to be particularly inappropriate to consider that, personally I'd only do it if there were siginificant individual needs best catered for by the school.

Peers have the biggest impact, and you won't actually know any of those until you're in the school.

I didn't even make the decision about dd1's primary schools, my dad did. That's because I am a teacher and can't take time off to look at schools, her "dad" has never even met her, let alone has any input into important decisions about her. So my dad took her along to open days for the 3 schools she could choose from and they decided between them.

I've never even considered that both parents should go along to visits to schools during the working day. If there were visits in the evening then both parents would go if possible, but generally is whichever parent/grandparent can get there most easily.

If you'd read the grammar school thread there is no way you would get your DH involved...

DH and I shared visits out between us and compared notes and views. But I think we both went to some.

But for general childcare reasons we needed to save ourselves and not both be taking time of work if it could be avoided.

What are his reasons for not wanting to go?

We were both working and we both took time off to visit the four possibilities. I'm bloody glad we did now because we didn't get into the nearest one - and it is literally five minutes away. Ended up with no choice about making a 40 minute round trip to the school ds got into! However the one he got was our second choice, which we massively preferred to the other two that we naively presumed he had no chance of going to. I'm very relieved we informed ourselves about all the options! I think this is really important and would want DH to be there too, however if he really can't then I'm sure you can summarise them for him.

I'm not 100% sure my dh knows where dc1 goes to school. He certainly doesn't even know the name of dc2's nursery. Nobhead.

Keep an eye out for christmas fayres etc. May be on website .

Then you do a first look and if possible go back to a more informal event with dh as they are likely to be at weekend. Gives you chance to see school and parents.

OP I'm in the exactly the same situation and my DH hasn't offered to come and see any schools. What makes it more difficult is that we are going to have to move as the local school although good would be logistically impossible for me to do the drop off and get to work for 8am as the breakfast club doesn't start early enough.

I think it's fine for him to leave the decision to you. It means your DH trusts your judgement.