To think SIL is a CF

[CorbynsBumFlannel]

Ds has a cousin in the same school year. They don't really get along due to cousin being frequently unkind to ds (which I have witnessed repeatedly) and they hang around with different kids at school. Up until this year cousin had always invited ds and his sister to his birthday parties and we have always reciprocated and invited him and his siblings (even though my kids have often not wanted to invite them I've said they have to return the invite and they are family etc). This year dn had a party with just a few of his close friends. SIL told us she was doing this and I was actually relieved that we could stop the tit for tat invitations.
Well now it's ds's birthday coming up and he has given invitations to his friends. I didn't push the issue of inviting the cousins because, as I said, they aren't close and as dn didn't invite my 2 I didn't think an invitation would even be expected.
Mentioned in passing to SIL that ds was just having a few close friends over for his birthday this year.
Well clearly one of ds's friends has mentioned the party to dn as I had a text from her yesterday asking if I could collect her children and run them to his party on X date and drop them off after (4 of them including dn who is challenging by anyone's standards).
Is it just me or is it spectacularly cheeky to just assume they are all invited? I had to tell her (again) that ds had just invited his close friends and she clearly has the hump.
Aside from this she never buys my kids presents for their birthdays despite being well off (we always buy for them or give money). Aibu to think SIL is being cheeky or should I have insisted ds invite his cousins because they're family?

Your sil is a cheeky bitch! I wouldn't bring her children and I wouldn't care if she's pissed off. YADNBU

Oh and I'd stop buying for her kids and giving them money too

No. Absolutely do not impose the family invite on your children. As cousins they see more than many do, but they're not obliged to be friends. It's probably good to have their own friends and parties help those friendships along. Stick to your guns.

she certainly is.

She gave you the out by not inviting your kids but still expects her kids to be invited.

In a way its a good job that she is so spectacular a CF that she asked for the lifts too otherwise you wouldn't have known they were going to turn up!!

I'd stop the gifts too if they are not reciprocated if you want to.

My sister doesn't buy for my kids but I have continued buying for hers because they are actually nice kids and it maintains a bond between me and them. 2 send me thanks yous but one doesn't (his gifts may soon stop- 3 strikes and he's off the list!)

Well you have told her they arnt invited so that's that.

Still kids do change and mature and dn might do just this. Try to avoid demonising the kid especially as he's family.

It's up to your son who he invites to his parties anyway so it's his business

Definitely cheeky

Is it your brother's wife or is she on your dp's side? If the latter then let him deal with it. Just don't bother engaging.

Text back: No, not appropriate, Like DN, DS has only invited a few close friends and none of the family is invited.

You are defiantly not being unfair. Stick to what you said and just ignore and have his close friends only

Certainly no demonising from me. Dn can be quite sweet when he's not in one of his moods but he has also said some awful things to ds as well as trying (unsuccessfully) to encourage ds's friends to do the same. I hope his behaviour does change for the better as he gets older.
Had ds wanted to invite him I certainly wouldn't have stopped him but I wasn't going to insist on it either.

She not only wants all four of them at the party, but wants you to pick them up and drop them off? For real?

Wow.

Is she often keen to get rid of her kids and not do the donkey work? I would text back something along the lines of what MumW said.

She was being cheeky, but she knows now that none of her kids are invited.

she's taking the PISS.... tell her NO

Cheeky woman!

How can she possibly object to her DCs not receiving an invitation, when her own DS had the same sort of party? (Small, close friends only, no family).

And what's with asking the hosting parents to collect & return your children? If the host has spare seats in the car & offers that's one thing - asking is something totally else!

I thought the "four" referred to having to drive 2x OP's children plus 2x CF SIL's children.

Not unreasonable at all to say no! She said no first, and she was the first to not buy for your DC.

She's never bought for either of the dc. She has 4 kids. No particular issues with the younger 3 but they're not close and my 2 would sooner invite their school friends if numbers are limited.

YADNBU - she has double standards and it's ok to call time on that.

Just say again that your DS has only invited his closest friends for his party so his cousins aren't included. The good thing is she wants YOU to do the running around - so all you have to do is NOT pick them up, job done.

Oops, sorry. However, leaving your children somewhere to pick up her four is even more if a huge ask!

Stay firm and say numbers are limited. She has set a precedent by not inviting your ds. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Well, at least she knows that they aren't invited.
Do you think that there is a chance she and her DC will turn up anyway?

Also, I think it is sad that your dc had to invite someone he didn't want to come to his party. thank goodness those times now seem to be over.

Maybe it was sad SeaCabbage. But I figured if he was happy to accept invitations he could return them - especially with them being his cousins.
It's unlikely they'll just turn up. SIL doesn't drive and I don't think she was trying to gatecrash. She just assumed they were invited!