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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to let younger DD go to older DD's dance school???

26 replies

LucyJackson93 · 13/09/2017 13:46

DD1 is 9 and has been dancing for years, she attends a dance school (not for actual school iykwim) and younger DD (7) would like to start. We have another dance school relatively close, but the one that DD1 goes to is definitely better. DD1 says that she doesn't want her teachers to compare (although they would be in different classes, it's the same teachers) but I don't think they would...

Thanks

OP posts:

tiggerbounce77 · 13/09/2017 13:47

Different classes, I don't see the problem

Hillarious · 13/09/2017 13:48

You need to let DD1 know this is a non-issue and she has no need to be concerned.

GetOutOfMYGarden · 13/09/2017 13:49

The same one. If it's better training, and they're going to be in different classes, then it's the right option.

Original poster

LucyJackson93 · 13/09/2017 13:50

They would be in the same classes for musical theatre, gymnastics, stretching but that's it, ballet, tap, etc. would all be different.

OP posts:

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2017 13:51

I can see both sides of this - as the older sister myself, I remember how shit it felt when my teachers at school compared me to my sister, and how I hated it when she took up a hobby of mine (singing), that I was actually quite good at, and was able to do more exciting things than I could - because she was at Oxford, and could sing with all manner of great choirs, and I was working as a student nurse, and couldn't get regular time off to join any choir.

But as an adult, I can see how irrational these feelings were, and how it would not be fair on the younger one to deny her the same quality of dance tuition that her older sister is getting - and as a parent, that would be my line.

grannytomine · 13/09/2017 13:53

I think it is your decision, 9 year olds don't get to make decisions affecting their siblings, that is your job.

CremeBrulee · 13/09/2017 13:57

I'm must be missing something? Why would would you send a 9 year old and a 7 year old to different dance schools? Sounds like they do a lot of different classes and just the logistical issues involved in dropping off and picking from two venues should be enough to tell you it's a daft idea.

Original poster

LucyJackson93 · 13/09/2017 14:00

No because the classes run on a Saturday - I would mind doing 2 drop offs.

And of course I'm not going to let the 9 year old decide

OP posts:

MrsOverTheRoad · 13/09/2017 14:03

Of course you can't send the younger sister to a not-so-good school because the elder says so!

Ameliablue · 13/09/2017 14:05

I think it is something the older child just needs to accept.

dollydaydream114 · 13/09/2017 14:08

DD1 can't have this all her own way. They'll be in different classes so she won't have her little sister tagging along with her.

Is there a specific reason she doesn't want them being compared? Does DD2 tend to hog the limelight? Or is it just normal sibling rivalry?

Lovingmybear2 · 13/09/2017 14:09

OLder needs to accept it.

No adults should ever ever compare children to their faces. We stamped on that heavily with 2 kids 16 months apart and twin girls.

Absolutlry not acceptable

AlexanderHamilton · 13/09/2017 14:11

IT wouldn't just be two drop offs itvwouid be two different shows, exams etc which could clash.

Last summer I had 2 kids & 1 dh in different shows in different theatres all on the same day!!!

Ohyesiam · 13/09/2017 14:20

you can't really send your younger daughter to an inferior school because your older one says so.

BenLui · 13/09/2017 14:25

Oh for goodness sake! Ityoerfectly standard to send siblings to the same lessons for dance, sport, music etc.

Why on earth would anyone choose to send them somewhere different?

Your DD1 should be excited to have her sister joining her at dancing.

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2017 15:09

Eh? At 9 & 7, had this never come up before? Has 7 year old just never been interested- is there an abnormal amount of sibling jealousy?

grannytomine · 13/09/2017 18:34

And of course I'm not going to let the 9 year old decide well send her to the better school then, why would you do anything else unless pandering to the 9 year old?

peachandplum · 13/09/2017 18:37

Maybe your 9 year old would like one thing for her that she doesn't have to share with her sister.

PollyFlint · 13/09/2017 18:46

Maybe your 9 year old would like one thing for her that she doesn't have to share with her sister.

That's fine, but I don't see why that one thing would have to be an entire dance school.

OP, lots of children moan about having a sibling following them around everywhere, but generally speaking they just have to live with it and learn to share. However, did your DD1 specifically talk about people 'comparing' her sister to her, or have you just assumed that's what the issue is? Just wondering if you or others frequently compare them in a way that favours the younger one.

I think it would be a bit draft to send them to separate dance schools but if it really is a situation where one child tends to monopolise all the attention and show off while the other one gets pushed into the background then it might be worth thinking about how you can address that. Not saying that is the case - DD1 might just be having a strop about her sister tagging along - but something to consider.

Nuttynoo · 13/09/2017 18:47

I personally wouldn't send them to the same dance school. The whole point is they build their own circles, have their own experiences etc, away from each other. Your 9 yo has a point - they will be compared. And if next year 7yo gets chosen for something high profile that 9 yo never did based on non-dance decisions (ie she might be prettier, look better in the costume etc) are you prepared to own the fall out?

Justgivemesomepeace · 13/09/2017 18:49

Eh? It's your job to make sure both children get the best opportunities to reach their potential. You can't send one to a poorer school because the other tells you to! The older one needs support to understand why she feels like this and overcome it.

Witchend · 13/09/2017 19:03

It is (I speak as a middle one) much easier being the younger sibling.
You're worse-expected.
You're doing almost as well-that's amazingly fantastic.
Girls will often happily mother another girl's sister and you can play the cute little one they will protect, even taking their side against older big sister, despite the being friends for longer.
Teachers sometimes assume both move up together, and friends often assume that of course big sister will want to partner etc.

And it's not just one class, by the sound of it, it's several.

I loved being myself, not just a sister. When a sibling was there you go become their sibling, especially if they're livelier or more chatty.

I make sure my dc have different interests. They did share a dance school. But they have separate things as well. Now they're doing drama they are in different schools. When dd2 said she wanted to go drama I deliberately chose a different school than the one dd1had been going to for some time.
Dd1 has her own group of friends there, she needs her own space. So do the others.

grannytomine · 13/09/2017 19:08

Surely at different ages they will be in different classes, particularly as one has been going for years and the other will be a beginner.

I hated being the younger sister and older ones always seem to get their own way.

If my kids had said this they'd have been told it was tough, get on with it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2017 21:02

In purely practical terms, I think the OP should enroll her younger dd in the same dance school as her older sister - it is the only reasonable answer.

HOWEVER, I would say it's worth acknowledging the older dd's feelings - as an adult, I know that my feelings about my younger sister encroaching on what I saw as 'my' territory were unreasonable, but that doesn't mean they weren't real and valid. Hopefully the OP can talk to her older dd and help her be happy with the new arrangements.

PumpkinPie2016 · 13/09/2017 21:13

I'm on the fence with this. I have a younger sister and I she was always allowed to do/join the same activities as me and to be honest I always felt resentful as I could never do anything just for me.

The fact that your elder daughter is worried people will compare them suggests this may happen in other contexts and I don't think her feelings should just be dismissed.

I, personally, would choose a different dance school to DD1.

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