WIBU to show my 9yo a graphic video?

[GingerBeerDrinker]

My 9yo son rode out in front of a car this morning. He was only not hit because of the driver's reflexes, and he didn't even realise. He rode ahead of me, so I didn't witness it, but the mum of one of my daughter's friends caught me and told me.
I went to his class to have a quick word before school started properly, and as I say, he hadn't even realised.
I've told him so so many times to be careful crossing the road. All roads, not just this one, that happens to be a dual carriageway (obviously not one that's like a motorway). There used to be lollypop ladies there, not anymore though, and no zebra crossing or anything.
He's done similar before on an actual zebra crossing, and he's been told to be careful and I explained that he could be seriously hurt if he was hit, he lost the privilege of riding ahead, for weeks, and even riding his bike for the rest of the week too, obviously it didn't sink in.
So, in order to drum it into him, wibu to find a video on YouTube of a kid being hit by a car (I'm sure there must be a few)? Obviously I don't want to traumatise him. Are there any other ideas of getting it though to him?
He'll still lose the privilege of riding ahead, until the new year and riding full stop actually, for the rest of the month.

At 9 I simply think he is too young to cross dual carriage-ways on his own, let alone on a push bike or scooter. His ability to judge speed and distance won't be fully developed and I don't think you should let him do it. Not about punishment, just that it isn't safe in the first place. If you are taking him then he needs to stay close enough to you to be governed by your decision as to when to stop. The only circumstances I would let a child cross a busy road alone at this age is if there are lights and I trust him to observe them. Otherwise- stop and wait for an adult. Not about privileges, simply about child development.

^^what she said.

No that's just good parenting. your words are falling on deaf ears so something like a video might actually make him realise the danger he is putting himself in. A shock like that could save his life in the future.

Sorry but the fault lies with you.

9 is far too young to be riding on those sorts of roads unsupervised. It shouldnt be an issue because he shouldnt be doing it at all.

Maybe he is too young/immature for this to be a skill yet. I'd ride in parks for now but no riding in the road until you see him being more conscious of what else is happening. Keep it current when you're riding, show him how to anticipate what could happen, keep his eyes on what's ahead (not just in front of his nose) etc, keep teaching but don't expect him to be good enough at it yet.

You've identified that he's not skilled enough to be safe yet, so keep building those skils. It's a bit like letting a dog off the lead without first knowing if it will come back to you, you need to get the recall ingrained before testing it out in real life.

My son is 9.... there is no way in hell he would be crossing a busy road never mind a dual carriageway on his own.

We walk to school together, I will let him tell us when it's safe to cross....but I am always ready to grab his bag and pull him back if not safe. He does walk ahead...but always stops at roads for me (and his younger siblings) to catch up.

show him the video.... and make rules. Tell him IF he rides ahead then he MUST stop at roads. If he ignores it then he has to walk holding your hand (we all know how much 9 yr old boys want to hold mummys hand on the way to school)

He is too young to be riding near those kind of roads alone... that's without even thinking about crossing them. This needs to stop immediately.

Show him a video, by all means, but do not let him ride alone. He's clearly too young.

yanbu
He doesn't understand the risks and a video might help.

At 9 lots of kids walk to school alone (and taking him off his bike won't solve it - if he does it on his bike he'll do it walking). He needs to understand why it's important.

I would vet the video first but I would do it. There are some good ones from road safety charities, that have been tv adverts. They're mostly aimed at drivers but one of those might be relevant.

definitely shouldn't be riding across such roads - get off and walk. Ans at 9, I would make him wait until I got there to watch him cross. Give him the responsibility of the decision. I used to make mine describe each step eg I have topped at the edge and have a good view. I have looked both ways and can see a car so shall wait. I have looked again and nothing is coming so I am going to cross. Obviously I would be checking each bit so could ask if they were sure if appropriate. Once I could tell that they had got into the habit of going through the stages AND were making the correct decisions, I let them cross roads on their own.

I don't see the point of the video; it reinforces the idea that he is at fault, when actually it's a pure question of development. Seems a bit unkind and 9 is a sensitive age. Like other pp have said, better to approach it in the spirit of building skills. Keep him by your side, but let him tell you when to cross (and then over-ride when he gets it wrong). Don't punish, teach.

I don't think it's fair scaring or punishing him for something he's probably not actually capable of doing at 9. A child isn't a small adult, they're still developing mentally as well as physically and at 9 he probably isn't developed enough in terms of judging speed & distance to be allowed to cross a dual carriage way.

Don't stop him riding his bike, just make him ride with you. Explain it's NOT a punishment, but that you've realised you were expecting too much of him when that part of his brain isn't yet able to compute speed & distance safely. Get him to talk through crossing the road with you, each & every time.

If he isn't safe - he doesn't ride ahead!
One of mine is totally oblivious when it comes to roads so until she learns, she has to ride slowly and boringly next to me.

To be clear, it's called a dual carriageway but it's not the same as most dual carriageways, it's in the middle of a housing estate, and there are zebra crossings further down by a park. The school is literally just the other side of it. Houses all around. And there are speed humps along most of it too.
He's always asking to go all the way on his own (10-15 min walk depending on route, but always with 2 busy roads) I let him go ahead after the first busy road today, I haven't up until now on that distance. Though he has crossed there when I've been much closer. Where he crossed is where the lollipop ladies used to be, and it's where most people cross.
Thank you for all the replies. I'll keep him closer and try to instill more Road sense into him.

He's too immature to be responsible about this, its not his fault, he's just not ready yet and you need to stop him doing it until he is. My aunt let my 8 year old cousin continue ride his bike near and across roads under similar circumstances, she gave him a few lectures about road safety etc and believed it was good for him to do it and thought he was learning to be safe and responsible. He was hit by a lorry on his way to school and died.

Because it's not that he couldn't judge distance etc, it's that he didn't even stop to look.
He won't be riding ahead for the foreseeable future, but how do I know if he's ready without trying?

There was a recent study that found that children were not physically able to cross the road safety due to developmental factors affecting ability to judge speed, distance etc. until the age of 14 or so. Nine is definitely too young to cross any road without adult supervision, especially a dual carriageway and even more so on a scooter/bike. You can show him whatever videos you like but he just isn't developed enough to safety judge when he can cross the road no matter how careful he is.

OP...kids can't judge the speed of oncoming traffic till' they're 14.

14!

I hate this but it's true.

Ok, thanks all. Message received.