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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I wanted to stop AIBU

15 replies

Fidoandacupoftea · 13/09/2017 09:13

Driving back from work yesterday 7ish, quite windy and raining. Saw a girl 14-15 yr old running to catch the bus and missing it. The next bus is an hour later, bus stop has no shelter, it's awful. She had her school bag and a guitar and looked quite upset. I was going to stop instinctively and give a her lift to overtake and catch the bus at the next stop (I have in the past offered lifts to elderly people in similar circumstances). Didn't as I wouldn't want my kid getting in a strangers car. Felt awful, did I do the right thing.

OP posts:
Subtlecheese · 13/09/2017 09:18

It's a ridiculous world where all that has to go through your head to shout down your empathy and instinct Sad. I wouldn't know what to do either!

Bluntness100 · 13/09/2017 09:21

The thing is she shouldn't be getting into a strangers car, no matter how safe they look, and I think you're goodwill would maybe lead her to believe she was safe to do so. If I were her parent I'd be very unhappy if she got into a car with a stranger. So sadly, I think you did the right thing driving on.

ToesInWater · 13/09/2017 09:21

Unfortunately yes, you totally did the right thing. It is a really sad fact of modern life that we have to teach our children not to trust strangers and if my 14yo DD got in a car with a strange woman I would be telling she shouldn't have. Such a shame, my mum instinct would also have been not to leave a young girl on her own in the rain but my job relies on my having a working with children check so I just couldn't risk any misunderstanding of my intentions.

Gatehouse77 · 13/09/2017 09:24

I've had similar situations and when the kids were small I wouldn't have offered mainly because I didn't have room. Now they're older I would.

You are left feeling bad but sometimes you have to put the (perceived) safety of those with you above 'doing the right thing'.

It's a hard one...

balsamicbarbara · 13/09/2017 09:24

Obviously not for everyone but I do think people of means in this situation could give a fiver for a taxi if it's dark or the weather is bad. Waiting at a bus stop for an hour could be more dangerous then getting in a stranger's car.

FreudianSlurp · 13/09/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valeinoyikbuno · 13/09/2017 09:28

You were quite right that offering her a lift would be inappropriate because although you are a good person children need to know they can't assume that helpful strangers that seem nice can be trusted.

You could have stopped and checked whether it would be helpful for you to phone someone to let them know what happened, or whether you could call a taxi for her, if she didn't have a phone?

Ameliablue · 13/09/2017 09:29

I'd agree, if my daughter was in that situation I would expect her to refuse a lift off a stranger. Find somewhere to shelter and phone me.

tygr · 13/09/2017 09:34

Oh gosh. I hate that the world has become like this.

I would've refused the lift in her shoes anyway but what a horrible state of affairs that we can't offer and accept kindnesses from strangers these days.

I don't know what I would have done.

You never know she might've called someone and got a lift.

Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 13/09/2017 09:36

Should have stopped and asked her if she was ok Angry didn't think of that. It is a 20 mph zone I had to fight every instinct to drive on. It is a very quiet road with houses beyond some woodland. I always see kids there with instruments, guessing they go to music lessons. She looked so upset Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Fidoandacupoftea · 13/09/2017 09:43

Tygr hopefully she called someone and got a lift and not waited the whole hour. I know so many friends in difficult circumstances who can't drive their kids that I felt like a prick driving off. I guess I am overthinking but glad to know I did the right thing

OP posts:
PerkingFaintly · 13/09/2017 09:54

Maybe one could offer the lift but suggest the liftee call their parent/friend saying what they're doing, when they're expected, with the car registration number and a photo of the driver.

Makes it clear on both sides that it if anything happens to the liftee, there will be trouble for the car driver.

Might be a good compromise between the risks of getting in a car vs staying at the bus stop.

DarceyBusselsNose · 13/09/2017 10:05

I'd have stopped, asked her to take a picture of my car number plate and text it to her mother

PerkingFaintly · 13/09/2017 10:06

I'm not suggesting you should have come up with that on the spot, BTW.

But do people feel it's a workable solution in general? Because I agree with PP that's it's a bit grim we feel we can't help people. And possibly increasing their risk.

Halfsack · 13/09/2017 10:14

People are very distrusting these days. Tbh you did the right thing not offering a lift as sad as it is, it's just the world we live in now. Nothing wrong with stopping to check she was ok and ask if she wanted to call someone. I'm an adult and got stuck in the snow one winter and flagged down a car passing asking to use their mobile to call my husband as mine had died, there were four people in that car and not one would lend me their phone. All said their battery had died too. Big fat lie.

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