To feel like a horrible mum

[namechanger2735]

I went back to work when DD was 9 months old, child care was sorted and not a problem at all EVER. Me and DDs dad were together and because I work evenings (17:00-23:30) he would usually be home in time to have DD, if not his mum would cover the half hour gap.
Fast forward 5 months, I'm pregnant, me and kids dad aren't together and I struggle week to week to scrape together child care. Evenings are still most convenient for me to work as that's when everyone's home from work but DD has to go to my mum, sisters, sometimes to her dads. She's all over the place. She knows and is completely comfortable with everyone that has her (I wouldn't send her otherwise) and they all send me videos of her happy, playing, dancing, eating etc but I just feel awful. Her routine is to be woken up at midnight when I collect her, she doesn't have the stability of going to sleep in her bed every night. I just feel so horrible, tonight is pouring it down and running from the car to the house with her bundled up in a blanket just made me feel like the shittiest parent ever. My poor little baby that should be in bed in the warm is out in the cold because I have to go to work.
I'm a single parent now with another on the way so I really can't afford to cut down hours etc, the only light at the end of the tunnel is that in a few months il be on maternity and won't have to do this. But ahhh, I just feel so guilty

Can you look at working days and claim tax credits to help with nursery/child minder fees? More consistency then.

Sounds to me like you're an amazing mum. She's happy, safe & has a mum who makes sure she's loved. You're doing your best xx

Can they mind your dd in your house even a few nights that you are working

I'm unable to change my shifts at work, we've just hired people to fill the gaps so there literally isn't the need for me during the day, nor will others want to swap and do my shifts

mumof6 everyone but one she goes to has their own children and routines etc. I already feel like I'm taking the mick relying on them to have DD, let alone bring them to me.
My one sister that doesn't have kids does come here when she has her, unfortunately though she's the busiest and rarest sitter

Could you not pick her up early around 6.30am?

As the other poster says it sounds as though you are doing an amazing job and like you say you will be on maternity leave soon. I'm sure she doesn't mind and you proberly feel more for her about it

You will be on maternity soon and have time to reassess then. For now chin up, you're doing well.

DC, she's not a great sleeper so I wouldn't expect anyone to have her over night, nor would I want to be away from her all night really.
Thanks for your responses everyone

Hard working mum. Loving mum. Caring mum. Certainly not a horrible one.

This time will pass and you'll be on maternity leave soon. Hang in there x

Perfectly normal to her at the moment and she gets to be with you for most of her day. You're doing your best. We can't all have the perfect life for our children, we have to do the best with what we have. So you are BU to feel like a horrible Mum when you are clearly a very loving responsible caring Mum. I have felt terribly guilty at times too about circumstances that are generally outside my control. Just keep looking forward and doing your best. I'm glad you have a support network for you and DD.

Could you have a live in that will stay in most nights and babysit? Maybe an older person who wants a cheap room? They can work during the daytime as they can sleep at night.

It's difficult.

You are working hard to provide money for your life together x

Don't feel guilty, you sound like a great mum, trying her best in a world that makes everything so hard. My dd had to do the same with my dgd, it couldn't be helped, your dd will come to no harm. She's got a mum thats doing her best. Don't be hard on yourself.

Could you sleep over with her at your mums to avoid the blanket dash - I'm a Grandparent and this is something we do - like your dd my dgs who is just two has had lots of family babysitters, enjoys it and settles well , is v flexible.

You are doing what you need to do, perfect probably not but okay. If she remembers this growing up she should remember a mum prepared to work all hours to keep things going. You should feel proud you are stepping up and doing what you can.

Why can't her Dad look after her, if you are looking after her all day? It's what he did when you were together. Why should it all fall on you now you are no longer together. Why should you be the one rushing around for childcare, I bet he isn't.

And yes, you sound like an amazing mum.

I'd think she's perfectly fine tbh, and you're doing a great job. She's happy, safe etc!

When my husband left I had a full and part time job to keep a roof over our heads.My children were all over the place. I felt very guilty. They are adults now and I recently asked them if they remember. They only remembered one regular babysitter with whom they had lots of fun. You are doing a great job OP.