To move country

[OctopusesGarden]

Hi all, I'm hoping for some AIBU wisdom. Please be gentle! It's a topic i can't discuss with real life friends yet.

Met my dh about 15 years ago. He's from the other side of the world. We met in my country and lived there for about 10 years. Around 4 years ago we moved to a different country where we have no family. We now have 2 young kids. I've struggled hugely but have settled in to life in our new city. But, like any major city it's very expensive. I can't see us being able to afford a house and we're living paycheck to paycheck which i find incredibly stressful. I have re qualified in the new country and am slowly working my way back to where i was at earning potential.

So here's the problem. My husband's job is the reason we moved. He does not have any security, that's the nature of his industry. He's been asked to apply for a permanent position in his home town. We would be near his parents, who are wonderful. They adore the kids and would be a huge help. Childcare is subsidised by the government. We could afford a lovely house and would have a good quality of life.

But i would know no one. I would have to start again, retrain for a new job. It seems that once again i am making a decision that is in the majority interest. But i would be even further from my family.

Has anyone amy advice please? Thank you.

I think this is something you have to talk through with your DH and come to a decision that feels right in your heart.

From what you've said it's clear that you're not really happy where you are and that you need more stability and less stress. That means moving. You've been thrown a lifeline a bit in that he's been invited to apply for this job back at his hometown.

Personally I would go for it. Additional stability and having his family nearby will make your lives so much less stressful and save you money on childcare which will in turn maybe mean that although you are further from your family you'll be able to maybe visit more.

You may not know anybody there yet, but your husband will have a network of friends who I'm sure will be ready to welcome you and making friends doesn't have to be hard.

Without knowing what country you're talking about and what you do for your job specifically it's difficult to go into any detail about how you'll get on with jobs/qualifications etc. But I think the crucial point is, you've got to move on from where you are. So really what is the risk? xx

P.s. I'm a single mum and despite the fact that all my family are in this country I would seize the opportunity to live in as many other countries as possible.

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best. x

Thanks Soup, insightful! DH and I have talked in circles so lovely to get an outsider's view. Thank you x