To challenge this note from nursery ?

[Blankiefan]

Leaflet came home with 4yo DD from nursery (it's the school nursery). Note is about benefits of outside play and learning. So far, so good... until...

"Boys, in particular, require a means of testing themselves (and true abilities) in a physical manner, which is impossible in the confined space of a school classroom."

AIBU to think this reflects some sort of belief that the boys should be challenged in ways the girls aren't? It's a philosophy I'm uncomfortable with - why should they make a distinction on gender?

She's only been attending this nursery for a fortnight - she goes for afternoon sessions spending the rest of her time at the private nursery she's been at since she was 6 months old. Am I going to be that parent if I complain this soon into her school career? The nursery is part of the school she'll attend for primary.

[wanderings]

I'm glad to read some positive stories about concerns by parents being raised here.

In the 1980s, my primary school head used to rant about our reading books herself (I'm sure there were good reasons she couldn't easily change them). She would say: "in these books it's always the boys having the good time, while the girls are at home helping mother". She used to make us swap the boys' and girls' names while we read them out loud.

Glancing at the OP again, I would say that politely challenging this is the way to go. It's possible the whole wording has been copied and pasted from some "guidelines" somewhere else written on the back of an envelope in Whitehall, not excusing it, but it's badly worded and perhaps it didn't go through the brains of the person who sent it out.

[doingitallagaintoday]

I really don't understand why people are so offended about the differences in gender. There are differences! Why is that so bad? Boys do climb and run and be more adventurous than girls, they do grow into physically stronger counterparts usually. We can't just hide the fact and pretend they're all the same! They're not

[Foxtrot92]

YABU, boys and girls do you have different needs. The nursery are probably refering to rough and tumble play, which boys do more of and require outdoor space to do so safely.

[ArcheryAnnie]

YANBU. The note was ridiculous. Nip that nonsense in the bud now!

Good luck. And don't worry about being "that parent".

[AssassinatedBeauty]

Girls need physical activity, adventure and rough and tumble precisely because there's this societal obsession with fixed gender roles. Girls are very often conditioned to be passive and turned off physical activity and exploration. I'd expect a good nursery/pre school to be challenging that.

I'd be "that" parent and have a word, as I'd be very annoyed if these messages about gender roles were pervasive throughout the setting.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Boys do climb and run and be more adventurous than girls

This is frequently true, doingitallagaintoday. And you know why it's frequently true? Because of stupid notes like this one from the nursery, and because boys and girls are treated differently like this from birth, and are encouraged into behaving differently. I have seen a three-year-old girl dragged off a climbing frame - she had been enjoying herself immensely - with the phrase "stop it - that's for boys". I see that sort of nonsense again and again. No wonder boys often do climb and run and be more adventurous than girls. they get the opportunity, and are rewarded, not punished, for doing so.

Let kids be kids. Some boys will be adventurous, left to their own devices. So will some girls, if given the opportunity.

[PegLegAntoine]

If girls are less active (which I totally agree is down to society expectations even as toddlers) then surely the aim should as a PP said be to get them to be more active, rather than encouraging the divide even further. Even if you disregard the sexism, it's vital to tackle the ever growing child obesity crisis. All children should be running about for significant portions of the day

[Mustang27]

Oh god Archery I think that would have taken all my will power not to give that person ripping their wee girl off a climbing frame a good talking too.

[MollyHuaCha]

Despite the undeniable fact that in general, boys can sometimes be more physical, there are enough exceptions to make the nursery letter seem inappropriate for 2017.

When I was at school, the girls and boys had separate playgrounds so that boys could be boisterous and girls could... well, do quiet girly things with beads and crochet.

Maybe you could suggest this to the nursery?

[Stellato]

That's an appalling note. If more people understood confirmation bias and socialisation as they work to create damaging and limiting gender stereotypes the world would be a better place.

I'd change nurseries.

Some people really do believe in gender essentialism (despite all scientific evidence to the contrary) and a nursery with the ethos is not going to be a good place for a little girl. Next thing they will be telling you she should wear more pink and calling her a "princess"

[StiginaGrump]

I can't believe that nursery write the note or thought the thought then I read parents confirming boys are more physical and adventurous. How these stereotypical self reinforcing bullshit beliefs limit our girls and boys:(

[valeinoyikbuno]

Yanbu and you should complain, and potentially raise it as an issue with ofsted, that they are clearly running a sexist environment that is unhealthy for young children of both sexes. Ask them to seriously assess how biased their staff are about sexual discrimination - it sounds like they urgently need some equalities training for all staff including management.

Don't let this go op.

[DeleteOrDecay]

YABU, boys and girls do you have different needs. The nursery are probably refering to rough and tumble play, which boys do more of and require outdoor space to do so safely

Utter bollocks.

[LannieDuck]

Why did the nursery put that phrase in at all? Why not just say "Children...". At 4 years old, there's much greater variation between individuals than there is between gender groups.

I'd definitely want to discuss it with the nursery. Do they really believe the boys in their care need more running around time than the girls? Do they treat them differently? If the girls want to run around as much as the boys, are they allowed?

[Natsku]

YANBU, can understand your concerns about going in and being 'that parent' but someone has to be that parent so that this kind of nonsense isn't carried on.

[Allthewaves]

Stupid thing to put in a letter tbh. All preschoolers need lots of running about

[mogulfield]

foxtrot educate all on the differences between boys and girls please? I'd be keen to hear the science behind your views.

[GotToGetMyFingerOut]

I have three children. The eldest isn't particularly active or bothered about being physical. The next two both need to be on the go and out door being active and when at home will be in the garden running around and bouncing on the trampoline as much as possible. Eldests a girl. Younger two are a girl and boy. Their physical needs are the exact same.

[geekone]

YABU it is a fact that boys are less ready to start school at a young age than girls. They find sitting still difficult and if you put a maths lesson in the playground and make it physical boys are more likely to listen, participate and learn. Girls can sit still and listen much earlier than boys. That said this is a generalisation and there are always exceptions. Sometime we as a society are trying so hard to be equal that we forget that boys and girls, men and women are different and that isn't a bad thing.

[ElizabethShaw]

geekone - you're failing to question why that is though. Boys have poorer language skills than girls when they start school. That is because, as a society, we hold, talk to and sing to infant boys less often than infant girls.
The answer to that isn't to say "boys aren't good at language, no point singing and reading stories to them at nursery". A good nursery should be working against stereotypes and encouraging and offering opportunities for boys to gain those skills.
Similarly, girls are not risk takers, not so physical, not so confident outside. Not because they have vaginas, but because as a society, from birth, girls are encouraged to be careful, their physical abilities are underestimated, they are supposed to sit down, play nicely, make sure no one sees their knickers.
The answer to that, again, isn't for a nursery to accept that boys need to run around outside, girls don't.

[DeleteOrDecay]

YABU it is a fact that boys are less ready to start school at a young age than girls. They find sitting still difficult and if you put a maths lesson in the playground and make it physical boys are more likely to listen, participate and learn. Girls can sit still and listen much earlier than boys.

Ever stop to think about why that is? It's definitely not biological.

[BarbarianMum]

"Its definitely not biological "

Oh please link to the research that shows that.

[Witsender]

It's an odd one. My experience is that my daughter is far more physical and a 'boisterous' than my son.

However, I'm curious because overall the attainment of boys as a gender in educational settings is much poorer than that of girls. So that would indicate that across the board a one size fits all approach doesn't work. But given I don't believe that there are significant differences between the two, especially at this young age, I'm not sure why that would be.

[streetface]

Bollocks. My son is far far more placid and less physical than my girls. Stop generalising.

[ArcheryAnnie]

www.rosalindfranklin.edu/academics/faculty/lise-eliot/

www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-truth-about-boys-and-girls/

BarbarianMum, that's a pretty random link from one neuroscientist. I can think of other neuroscientists I could link to - just let me know and I will.