To not tell DS6 he is being evaluated for ASD

[Allfednonedead]

Just that, really. We have an appointment for an evaluation, and I have no idea how to talk to my DS about it.
He may have an ASD or he may have ADHD inattentive variant, like DH (self-diagnosed, but pretty clear). So he's very bright and articulate, but emotionally very immature.
I feel I should talk to him about it, but can't work out how. Would you, and how would you approach it?

Oops - to be clear, he Is aged 6, not my sixth child.

I wouldn't bring it up just yet. It doesn't seem as though he will have to learn to make any particular adjustments just yet (the way you might if you were diagnosed with a food intolerance, for instance) and it might just confuse him and make him needlessly self conscious.

After you have a concrete diagnosis (if you get one) you can assess then, maybe?

We are holding off telling dd5 for a short while while we highlight her strengths and challenges so we can discuss them with her clearly. Dd9 has ASD and we told her pretty quickly at 7.5yo, but she was in constant meltdown mode and it was as much for siblings as dd. We will probably need to tell her as dd9 saw a text message of mine mentionnng it . She told dd and we just said we may get her checked. We have two other nt dds, so it's helpful for them also.

Ds's assessment started when he was 5 and he was diagnosed at 6. For the assessment appointments I just said we were going for check ups, to see how he was doing and for the OT/physio ones I could use examples e.g. he was getting pain. I told him his diagnosis pretty much immediately.

DS1 was diagnosed when he was 6, he went through the process from the age of 5.

We told him about his ASD/aspergers in the summer this year just before he turned 11.

He knew he had additonal help sometimes, and some social/anger issues, but he didn't need a label right then.

We made the decision with the help of sencos and cahms, and told him just before he left primary.

You don't need to tell him anything yet. Nothing needs a label or a name, you can explain various bits without it.

I didn't tell DS what the assessments were about (he was 8) - just that they were a general checkup. After he was diagnosed we left it about a year as we didn't feel sitting him down and telling him was going to do him any good. We just bought up AS every now and then and what people with it can be like etc etc (all in a very positive way). In the end he figured it out himself.

So you think I can just say 'it's a check up'?
The clinic sent an explanation leaflet addressing the child that is very clear this is an autism assessment, so now I feel like I'm lying to him if I'm not open about it.

We did very similar to Bubble. DS was diagnosed with Aspergers shortly before his 5th birthday, but we didn't actually explain the diagnosis to him until the beginning of Y6. (He was at that point also starting the DX process for ADHD inattentive, and we felt it was the right time to talk everything through with him then).

Prior to that we just talked to him in terms of the individual things that he found challenging, and worked with school on strategies to help him.

This was definitely the right approach for us. It is a tricky decision though and as always worth weighing up what you feel the pros and cons will be.

You don't need to tell him, and you can let the clinician know you aren't telling him. It's fine. We've had nothing but respect from teachers, sencos, cahms, about our decision in not telling DS the name of his condition.

We told him by the way of books (every cat has Aspergers mainly) which he read and then said "that's me isn't it?". He's now happy with this in a way I don't think he would have been aged 6-9.

If there is a particular thing that he struggles with (for one dd it was emotional regulation - she was pretty violent) we said we were going to see why she struggles with that. Is there anything you could do like that? With dd5, we just said a check up and she didn't question it!

Think it depends on your child. DD was diagnosed aged 9 and she was aware of what the process was for. We talked a lot about neurodiversity, and difference rather than disability - 'some people's brains work differently to others. Some people's brains work in a special way called autism - it means that they find some things easier and some things harder. We want to find out if your brain is autistic, so that we can make sure that we explain things in a way that you understand.'

Just be aware the clinician may let it out anyway. Ours did anyway at our initial appointment.