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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance Tax AIBU?

241 replies

FrancisUnderwood · 12/09/2017 17:22

NC for anonymity on this sensitive issue but long time lurker/poster.

Essentially, my DF has an estate worth just over 1mil. Not earned by himself but handed down through the family.
He has benefitted greatly from his own Parent's IHT planning genius and is now in a very fortunate and lucky position.
I have recently broached the subject of IHT planning for the family, going forward. With money comes responsibility etc... I have made it abundantly clear to him that this is not a conversation I relish having to have with him, and that i'm wholly aware it is now HIS money to do with as he wishes and that I'm in no way trying to get my hands on his money whatsoever, but I would really appreciate him trying to manage his estate in such a way that it minimises the 40% tax liability his children would have upon his passing.

His answer to this has been unbelievably flippant, he says 'Well that's just the way the country is' and 'everyone has to pay their taxes' whilst conveniently forgetting he has benefitted massively from careful planning on his Parents part. He says 'you'll be alright', which of course is true, but he could do certain things at no cost to himself which would in essence save his children £250,000 on his death, but won't.

I don't want to come across as if there is greed at play here, my family has led a hand to mouth existence and I simply understand the value of £250,000, which is more than a lifetime's income for most people, rather than being greedy for it.

I just can't reconcile in my head how he'd rather give a property to the taxman than plan ahead and hand it to his children.

I've tried to be as delicate and sensitive about this topic with him as I can and now our relationship seems to be disintegrating rapidly, we haven't spoken for a week.

This isn't about me 'taking his money' it's about planning ahead to avoid having to sell family property later. His attitude seems very much to be that 'I've got it and i'm keeping it'.

We've sought financial and legal advice together on the subject but he just doesn't want to do it.

I bend over backwards and have just given up 18m of my life to his care, and catering to his every need. I just feel kicked in the stomach.

AIBU to feel this way, or is he?

OP posts:
Racingraccoons · 12/09/2017 17:25

YABU, it is his estate and his money to do as he pleases with.

Remy66 · 12/09/2017 17:27

YABVU!
It's not your estate to decide what to do with. It's obviously about the fact you want more money, come on. You wouldn't be bothered otherwise! Get off his back...

Original poster
FrancisUnderwood · 12/09/2017 17:27

I'm not asking him to alter what he buys, what he spends it on or his Will. I never would. In fact, I've laboured this point.

OP posts:
BarbaraOcumbungles · 12/09/2017 17:29

I can see your point about the money but it's his money at the moment and what he does with it is entirely his business.

£250k is nowhere near a lifetimes earnings either.

Remy66 · 12/09/2017 17:29

Then why do you care if there is less money to pass onto you?

Original poster
FrancisUnderwood · 12/09/2017 17:30

In fact, I've told him i'd rather he went out and bought a Bentley or several round the world cruises and enjoy it now than leave it to the taxman.

OP posts:
Remy66 · 12/09/2017 17:30

Presuming you worked for 50 years and not accounting for 50yrs of pay rises that's 5k PA. Hmm a life times earnings?

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 12/09/2017 17:30

Just because he benefited from an inheritance doesn't mean he can't agree with inheritance tax.

You will still have a substantial inheritance.

Did you give up 18 months to look after him because of inheritance or because he's your dad?

Remy66 · 12/09/2017 17:31

But it's not for you to decide that, do you not get that?

BMacklin · 12/09/2017 17:31

I think you are being sensible but I dont think you should push it any more as he clearly isn't listening and it's hurting your relationship. You're going to have to let it go I think. Im not sure how you can do otherwise.

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 12/09/2017 17:32

What''s wrong with leaving it to the tax man though?

Coldilox · 12/09/2017 17:34

Maybe he sees the value in some of his money going to the state to help fund essential services.

Original poster
FrancisUnderwood · 12/09/2017 17:34

Thank you BMacklin .

I AM trying to be sensible for the future of the whole family, that's all.

To suggest that I only care for my Father 'for the money' is just plain nasty.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 12/09/2017 17:34

I can see why you are annoyed. It is family money that has been passed down and the same should be done for the next generation if possible.

YouAndYourFloofyCatNose · 12/09/2017 17:34

Maybe he thinks that morally, paying all the tax he is liable for, rather than trying to avoid it, is the right thing to do, especially in a situation where someone would inherit a huge amount, even taking tax into account?

Good for him.

NYConcreteJungle · 12/09/2017 17:34

He isn't leaving it to a man, he is adding to the pot which funds schools, NHS, social care and so forth.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 12/09/2017 17:35

He's happy to pay the legal amount of inheritance tax, which will go on public services and to those more in need in our society. Which is just and fair.

Why on earth would you object to this if you weren't greedy for every last penny of the money?

Mrstrumpalot · 12/09/2017 17:35

Why should the tax man get £250k rather than family?
I think people are kidding themselves if they say they wouldn't mind it going to the tax man rather than themselves.

Deemail · 12/09/2017 17:36

Yabu, you should never have raised this issue with him. You need to apologise and admit you were been thoughtless rather than greedy.

Notmynom · 12/09/2017 17:37

Yes why would you rather he buy a Bentley/travel than pay the tax? It's not coming to you either way.

YABVU

Original poster
FrancisUnderwood · 12/09/2017 17:38

He did everything he could to ensure the value of his own inheritance came in below the IHT threshold so no, being fair to the taxman is not a driving factor here.

OP posts:
TableMirror · 12/09/2017 17:39

What's so bad about leaving it to the tax man?

£250,000 extra tax would be good for the country.

Tean1 · 12/09/2017 17:39

Your Dad has all the facts and has made his decision. Perhaps he feels that some of the money should go towards helping other people, e.g. funding for schools, care, hospitals? In many ways, what is the point of hoarding a huge sum and passing it on ad infinitum?

I think YABU and it would be best if you try to come to terms with your Dad's decision, rather than trying to find other people to agree that he is wrong. You will still inherit a large amount.

ferrier · 12/09/2017 17:39

I'm glad there are still some people who don't seek to avoid tax.

fiorentina · 12/09/2017 17:40

I think you're perfectly reasonable. Whilst I agree with paying tax, I also see that he's benefited from family money that he could pass onto others to benefit from. However you can't force him and if he's adamant there is not much you can do.