To be annoyed at this faceboon post?

[sailorcherries]

Someone on my newsfeed posted this:

She changes her name,
Changes her home,
Leaves her family,
Moves in with you,
Builds a home with you,
Gets pregnant for you,
Pregnancy changes her body,
She gets fat,
Almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pains of child birth,
Even the kids she delivers bear your name.
Till the day she dies...
Everything she does...
Cooking,
Cleaning your house, Taking care of your parents,
Bringing up your children,
Earning,
Advising you,
Ensuring you can be relaxed,
Maintaining all family relations,
Everything that benefits you.....
Sometimes at the cost of her own health,
Hobbies & Beauty.

SO who is really doing whom a favour?

So many women commented on it, telling the original poster that it is so true. Am I bu to get annoyed at the opinion expressed in this poem (if it can be called that) and to be annoyed that so many women agree that this is how life is/should be?

Women don't need to give up hobbies, their surnames, their home or family. We don't need to be in charge of the home, childcare and family relationships. We don't need to make sure men can relax. Why is it so accepted that this is life? What happened to equal partnerships and roles? (Aside from pregnancy and labour).

It is true for some women. People replying saying it's true doesn't mean they agree with that's how it should be though.

What a load of nonsense that poem is.

Most of the women aren't complaining about it, moreso a "oh that is so me!"

Thank god I'm not bu to find it awful.

I can happily say that I don't know any women below 60 whose lives are like this.

Yuck. In so many ways. The really annoying bit was 'gets pregnant for you'. I didn't get pregnant 'for' my husband, as a 'favour'. I don't look after 'his' children - 'we' look after 'our' children. (This poem actually makes it seem as if women wouldn't bother with their kids at all on their own and only do it out of obligation to their DH...)

It's also massively unfair to men - as if they contribute absolutely nothing to a relationship. Mine left the place he grew up to come live with me. He spent last night cleaning up my pregnancy related vomit. He calms me when I have anxiety. He helps my parents and grandmother. He makes me the best cups of tea. We're a team and I certainly don't think I'm doing him a favour by doing things for him, and vice versa. It's just what you do when you share a life.

I really hate the 'all men are bastards' posts - if stuff like that is aimed at women, it's called misogynist - rightfully so. Stuff like this brings out the 'right on sister' lot who think it's a feminist statement to slag off all men. I LIKE the man I married. Otherwise I wouldn't have. Why on earth do these women marry/stay married to their husband if they have such utter disdain for him?

What a lot of embarrassing crap!

"Ensuring you can be relaxed"

I think this is my favourite bit :-)

"Sometimes at the cost of her own health, Hobbies & Beauty."

No one should be giving up hobbies 'for him' but what the fuck is going on with the other two? If the relationship costs your health and beauty then you are doing it wrong.

AIBU to feel sorry for the poor bloke married to her?

YANBU
What a load of bollocks.

This is one reason I don't bother with Facebook!
I know NO women who live like this.

Fucking awful, I think MrsOver's version is a good response and lighthearted enough that you could post it without starting a fight. I bet you'd get some positive responses!

That's one of the most condescending, patronising, insulting pieces of shit I've ever read.

I cook and clean his house for him and get pregnant for him? Like some form of repressed 1920s housewife? She might. I certainly don't. My husband and I are equals.

Loving couples go equally into relationships, where they get married and the woman changes her name....they have children and they decide together that actually it will be better for their family if he works outside the home and she takes care of everything else...it's a partnership and works for may years: she does all the supportive things on that list to support the family...it's her job. Then he hits 50 and suddenly she isn't needed to look after the children any more and suddenly their agreed-on partnership seems to him like he's working and she's drinking tea with chums: he hasn't handled a bill or organised family logistics or meal planned or bought groceries or sent his mother a card for years and forgets that every moment of his life has been supported by this woman.... In THAT moment she is someone who has spent 30 years spending his hard earned money while he has slaved at a job he no longer likes. And the judge agrees....go sponging woman! Get a job to support yourself...you threw away your promising career many years ago on a whim but it was nothing to do with your husband....he has a lovely new secretary/organiser now who pays him compliments and doesn't need to put make up on to look fresh and groomed. And thus the justification for the limiting of spousal maintenance was born.
None of this actually applies to me...but I do have (sadly) several friends who find themselves in this position, and they, like you, would have said that marriage is a partnership and you do what is best for the family and whatever needs doing gets done and it's completely equal even if one partner is based at home. I can't empathise with your friend's FB post but I do understand where it may have come from. It reads like a retrospective pity party. At the time the decisions were made together but with hindsight one partner did all the giving.

I'm baffled by the many women who sleepwalk into lives just like that and then act all martyred but there are plenty of them as the responses to the FB post show.

It might be an archaic way of thinking but the sad fact is that lots of women live it.

Take a stroll over to the Relationships board and I can almost guarantee 4 or 5 threads about women who've moved away from family, had children and do everything in the household.

I know women from other cultures (and countries) who have no choice about this describing their lives. But I don't think there's any excuse for someone who's culturally British - they do have a choice, and a martyr is rarely attractive.