To wonder if private school would be a better option for a shy, quiet child?

[CarmenWedmore]

Just wondering if anyone has experience of this i.e. do shyer/quieter children blossom more at a private than state school, particularly primary. I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly?) that this is the case because there will be less classroom disruption by more 'boisterous' pupils. I'm also assuming a private school will be better organised and that the more conscientious qualities of a quiet child will be appreciated and developed more. AIBU?

I agree with AtHome.

All things being equal, private is generally (though not always) better in terms of class sizes and general behaviour and expectations.

Within private, there is a wide spectrum of choice and it is a question of finding the school with the right ethos that will support your child.

My dd is at a non-competitive school that prides itself on an all-round education. It is not too academically-focused. The class sizes are not particularly small (20-24) and is enough for her to find her friendship niche. I appreciate she will have to go out into the big bad world at some point but what money buys is a little more time for her to find her confidence and come out of her shell.

I was a v quiet child and private all girls worked well for me. Is your DC a boy or girl? If girl then single sex might be better. Looking back I was the type to hang back and not put myself forward for things and at a large mixed sex school I think I would have been left behind/missed out, whereas at the private teachers notice everybody and make sure everyone gets chances at stuff no matter how loud/quiet.

I was the shyest child ever. I didn't cope well socially at a small private school. I had few friends and I was miserable. Circumstances meant my parents could no longer afford private and I went to a huge, inner city state school. It was the making of me and I loved it. I had friends, I got invited to parties, people invited me to parties, I had social arrangements in the school holidays and I had people to sit next to at lunchtime etc - it was just how it should be for children.

I agree with Twelvety that single sex for girls is generally better. My dd is in an all girls' school. Boys tend to dominate in the classroom - they still do at my work argh - and the teachers give them more attention which is not conducive for developing a shy child as she needs to swim against the tide. All girls' schools also allow girls a longer ramp before growing up, from a boy-girl relationship perspective.

Thanks for interesting comments. DS has just started at our local village school, quite small, seems a nice and friendly place. However, I'm acutely aware of how much time can be spent in calming down the most boisterous kids. They apparently had a talk the other day about no shoving and no fighting - something DS wouldn't even dream of. I can imagine him just ending up at the 'back of the queue' for everything because of his nature. He's both quiet AND shy but interested in learning. He's also one of the youngest which I must admit seems to make a difference in terms of confidence.

Sounds as though I would need to find a nurturing, rather than academically focussed, private school.

This is why I moved my eldest from state primary to private. She was a run of the mill, bright, quiet, well behaved little 4 yo.

After 2 weeks I started to wonder why the hell I was sending my baby off to spend the day in a mixed year class of 31 kids to watch the teachers crowd manage whilst she just disappeared into the background and getting a new reading book took a week.

Her life at home was much more interesting, engaging and educational that what the primary school was offering. So we took her out of school and kept her at home until a private school place became available.

She ended up going to a lovely, nurturing, outdoorsy type pre-prep where class sizes were 12-18 max and every child had 5 minutes individual reading time with a teacher every day.

Best decision ever and worth every penny. For us, her time during those precious early years was worth so much more than watching other kids get told off.

My DD is exceptionally shy. She likes a class with a few naughty/ lively children in it for a couple of reasons. The mild disruptions help her blend in and not stand out. Being very quiet, she's also very observant and enjoys the diversion.
She has started y7 in an all, girls selective independent school. She also been at a non selective prep and a state primary. She is quite bored and finds her lessons too calm. This makes me laugh as I'm a teacher and I love a quiet class!

There is a wide range of independent schools. Some suit the boisterous outgoing type of children, some are much more gentle in feel, some would suit confident intelligent children, some have excellent SN provision. A few seem to get the balance and suit a wide variety. Some are for profit, most are not. Some are more modern, some rather old fashioned. Some go all the way through to 18 and they are very different in style to a standalone school. If a standalone, it makes a big difference in feel if there's one or two senior schools it feeds into, or many school.

What are your DD's strengths and what does she enjoy? Is there a school near you that would nurture that? What would your long term plans be? I'd think of it that way round rather than think about her shyness.

DS sorry. Got confused with other posters talking about their DDs.

Friend moved her dd into year 1 to a small prep school. Her dd was struggling in a class of 30 pupils so she thought it would be better if she was in a smaller class of 8 pupils.
Her dd struggled even more because there were that fewer pupils to be friends with.

It's so random though - not as easy as "throw money at the problem and it will be solved".

This term the two classes in dds year have been mixed up. She has noticeably blossomed in the new environment and has new much nicer friends already. May be a great school but if the class doesn't work for your child they won't be as happy as they could be. I am also very wary of small classes can be a disaster socially.

Agree about small classes. Not great if everyone except your DC is a certain 'type' of person, or the mix of sex is uneven. Our pre-prep had multiple small classes in the same year. So max 80 kids spread over 4 classes which meant they were able to get a good mix into each class. Not all schools are able to do that though.

I've had a talk with just about every class I've ever taught about rough behaviour - reception to year 6, state and private. It crops up at some point every year but it doesn't mean the whole class spends the whole time in fist fights and that's all the teacher can concentrate on.

If he's just started reception, I think you need to give it more time. Look at other schools (private and state!) but give the kids at least until half term to settle into their routines.

I agree with all the PP that a private school won't immediately solve your issue. You need to judge each one on being a school first and foremost, does it suit your DS? Then worry about whether it's private or not.

Agree that the biggest issue, regardless of which sector, is class size. Our son moved from a large to a small school , with only 3 other boys in his year. It was disastrous as he couldn't break into their friendship group and was very isolated.
Don't forget that people who send their children to private school will often paint and over-rosy glow about it in order to justify the eye-watering amount of money they're spending.