The loneliness of motherhood

[Albinohedgehogs]

I'm doing all the so called right things.
I have a DD 8 mo and
I run a little parents and tots group one day, do library rhyme times twice through the week, take her to music classes in a lovely small friendly group which I always team up with a coffee in a nearby coffee shop.
I work 2 days a week in a job I love, DH has her on those two days which works well.
Breastfeeding is going well. I look fine and DH is doing 50:50 housework.
She sleeps well.
BUT
I feel really lonely.
Is this just something I have to accept for now?
I am a bit over sensitive this week. I take it personally when people don't return to the parents and tots group that I run. I feel like I get all excited when I make friends with a mum and then if they just stop turning up I feel hurt and wonder if it's something I did or said. I arranged to meet a new friend for coffee this week and she emailed me at 10pm last night to bail. I can't help but take these things personally.
The friends I have from before have children starting secondary school and somehow the relationships feel less forfilling now we're in such different places.
To add to this, I feel ashamed that this loneliness is happening because I blame myself and it makes me miss my late mother who was just ahead there without judgement.

My sister lives abroad and is into extreme sports and has no intention of living nearby her phone calls are sporadic.

My dad lives far away with a new girlfriend and is having some health problems that worry me.

I just feel sad through and through.

I will meet a friend for coffee today but then a whole day will stretch out in front of me and I'll probably just end up going clothes shopping and eating cake.

Is this just a phase?

Thank you.

It can be very lonely, I'm in the same boat but i find it pretty hard to put myself out there. I'm a a bit older and most mums are 15 years younger than me.
You are doing all the right things to make friends so i think its only a matter of time before you meet someone in the same position.
Speak to your HV to see if they have any suggestions although I asked and they weren't too helpful. Also, I joined mummysocial which put me in contact with other lonely mums.
If you're based in the North East, I'd love to have a cup of coffee

Extremely lonely. I often don't return to playgroups as I find noone really wants to chat to me etc, but that's me putting people off I think.
It sounds like you are quite confident, having a baby can knock many a persons confidence, do you think that might be why tbis one cancelled?
As much as I long to say something other than hi to a new person I very much doubt I'd have the confidence to say much more

You're not the only one. I have a nearly 4 yo and a nearly 1 yo and despite everyone in the house wanting to touch me ALL THE FUCKING TIME I feel terribly lonely. I'm going back to work in a couple of weeks and I'm looking forward to being taken on my own terms, listened to and respected for my views and experience and, if someone disagrees with me, they will at least do it politely and with rational arguments.

Dh seems to think he can rely on me to fulfill his emotional and physical needs without having to meet any of mine.

Well yes it can be very lonely, but you seem to have a rather large network of friends and groups.

Is it that you are trying to fill a gap that really only your Mum can fill? I have a toddler and my mum died a few years ago. There's definitely a longing for her and no number of friends or toddler groups can replace her.

That struck a chord fanshaw

Thank you so we're all lonely together then.
Yes maybe it's me getting confused between the loneliness that new motherhood brings and the loneliness of loosing my mum.