What does it take to be expelled..

[imjusthereforasec]

From a primary school?

A situation at our school involving sexualised behaviour has arisen and the child has been internally excluded but not permanently. The child is not in my child' class but knowing the situation (as half the school does) I feel really uncomfortable with the child remaining at the school. AIBU feeling like the child should not remain at the school?

Private school very easily, state school not so much. The council have a duty to provide school places to all children and removing them is not an easy matter. Cross departmental meetings (including one suspects social services in this instance) but certainly educational officers, the senior management team, parents etc to try and find a way forward.

A child did leave our school but it took 2 terms and then it was because it was felt mainstream school was not in that child's best interest and he was home schooled until a specialist place was found.

Primary aged children do not show overt sexual behaviour without they being an underlying cause ranging from serious sexual abuse or witnessing inappropriate behaviour at home. Its been left I assume as it is because a lot of discussion and meetings are going on. The school/council have a duty to all children and expelling him outright would be a huge failure of care for him

I'd be prepared to bet that the school gate gossip about this child bears little relationship to the reality.

I think that 'half the school' needs to shut up about this.

Because of the effect of Chinese whispers.

Something serious has gone on elsewhere in the school. The school is taking disciplinary action, and probably investigating to see if this is a symptom of a child at risk, in which case additional support (whether in or out of school) should follow. And that is not the business of 'half the school'

And I strongly disagree with the advice by blankface because all that does is publicise what 'half the school ' thinks and stigmatise a child based on gossip. Take the message - about what to do if someone touches her in any way she does not want, or if being around someoneone when there is no teacher/TA/supervisor nearby - but don't apply it to one named pupil.

Have you all had letters explaining the situation, or are you listening to gate gossip? If it's the latter, you need to try to ignore it. Few people other than those directly involved will know the actual truth, everything else is conjecture about a child. As this may well be a child that has been exposed to abuse, your empathy as an adult is needed not your judgement or fear.

You may say it would never happen but consider for a moment it was your child in this predicament. Would you hope for support and understanding or would you prefer jury by gate mums? Kids are unpredictable, you never know when you might be walking in someone be else's shoes.

6685 is the total number of permanent exclusions in 15/16 in all state schools in England

Of those, 1145 were in primary and 50 were aged 4 or under.

Yes, scaevola: I gave that figure in response to a post that said it was virtually impossible to exclude a child from any state school, not just primaries.

ds1 was sadly permanently excluded. Events were distressing enough but the rumours of what had happened reached ridiculous proportions - I can categorically say that armed police were not involved. Do not believe all the playground gossip.

I feel really uncomfortable with the child remaining at the school

But on the upside the gossip is really giving you something to do, eh, OP?

OP is getting a beating she doesn't deserve. Of course she's worried for her child and the school needs to reassure parents that safeguarding has been put in place. How nasty to accuse her of being a playground gossip when she is so worried.

It's very hard for schools when their powers are very limited. My friend's 8 year old DD was assaulted by an 11 year old boy who developed an obsession with her. Friend complained to the school time and time again and eventually he trapped her in the girls' toilets and assaulted her.

The head asked the boy's mother to keep him home for a few days until measures could be put in place and for the mental health of friend's DD but the mother refused because she "knew her rights". So she had to keep her DD home instead. That's very, very wrong.

Heads should be allowed to suspend immediately without having to refer to the governors or the LEA in such cases.

Friend felt she had no choice but to go to the police which was even more traumatic for both the children.

Playground gossip can be ridiculous. The problem is that parents listen to their children's tales and believe them. Children make things up! They exaggerate for effect, especially if they have a wide eyed horrified audience.

My child had an asthma attack at sports day. An ambulance was required. Within 2 days I had people arguing WITH ME aout whether my son was stretchered out to hospital on a drip (he was not), with people adamant that it must have happened because their child had seen it happen.

You don't know what happened. "Sexualised attack" can mean kisschase.

I used to work as a SW in Child protection and dealt with many young people who displayed/carried out sexualised behaviour towards other children. Every single one of those young people went back to their school and an assessment to risk manage the situation was carried out to ensure the safety of ALL the pupils in the school. If this is a child of primary age it is possible that they have been the victim of abuse or been allowed to see things they should not have seen. I would assume SW are still working with the child who has carried out the behaviour so a lot of monitoring will be taking place.

I agree with other posters that it is your duty as a parent to ensure your child knows what is appropriate in terms of touching etc and what they should do /who they should tell if something worrying happens to them.

Agree with Penggwn If you have a specific concern for your child (other than the fact they are at the same school ) then go see their teacher. And stop gossiping.

I also agree that it could have been something minor that was misconstrued. That happens a lot.

People telling stories in the playground make a bad situation worse, every person that retells what they heard adds arms and legs to the story and before you know it it's taken off.
A young child displaying sexualised behaviour is a red flag for abuse, not for being an abuser.
My niece reported that a boy in her school (over 16, she is under 16) raped her by coercion, and she then had a hell of a time of it because of playground gossip, to the point where she attempted suicide. The boy involved was excluded temporarily until his trial, and was permanently excluded upon his conviction. She will never recover from the malicious gossip and spiteful stories which went round about her. So think twice before you allow yourself to become part of gossip OP, it's not harmless at all.

Found in possesssion of drugs = instant expulsion at dcs school

My daughter was bullied to the point of suicidal thoughts.
The bullies threatened her with knives, bought other kids up to school to wait for her outside and attacked her 3 times.
She couldn't walk around the school without being verbally abused.
The school did everything they could to minimise it and very rarely punished them.
I took my dd out last term and she has started college a year early.
It's worked out well but I feel rage when I see all the bullies just carrying on with their school life they are still horrible to others and do no work and disrupt the school'

I've had firsthand experience with my own child being on the receiving end of sexualised behaviour - this was a good few years back.

He has Aspergers, his allocated provision was a private school. My son was 11 at this time. His emotional age was measured at between 6/7. He hadn't been attending long when he returned home and asked what a dick was? I later received a phone call stating there had been an incident involving another pupil of similar age (10). This boy had offered to suck my sons dick.

The child concerned was a looked after child. I later found out so were the majority of pupils. My heart went out to that 10yo - as I can not begin to imagine what that poor child had been through. Both boys were supervised at all times.

I'd initially been told by the SEN department that this placement had staff which were highly trained in ASD. This was not true. Had I been made aware of the other students needs/background. I would never have agreed for my son to attend in the first instance. He was and still is emotionally vulnerable.

The placement ended after approximately 6 months as the school could not meet my sons complex needs.

I am concerned for the safety of MY child - i do not think that is being Unreasonable.

So what do you expect expelling an abused child would achieve. Do you think s/he will just evaporate in a puff of smoke and never pose a risk to anyone else again? As far as I can see, these are the options:

the child goes on to another school- and what about the safety of those children?

the child ends up being home-schooled, possibly by its abusers, and problems worsen- what about the safety of anyone the child comes in contact with?

the child ends up in a PRU unit- does the safety of those children not matter?

the child ends up on the streets- as above?

If this is indeed a serious and permanent problem, then wherever this child goes, unless the problem is dealt with, there will be other children potentially at risk. To those making the decision, every one of those children matters as much as your child.

Lets face it. how would you like a child with sexualised behaviour being moved into your class because it was considered unacceptable that some other mother's child would be at risk?

On the plus side, abused children can get help. Children displaying inappropriate behaviour can get help. Many grow up to function perfectly normally in society. But unless you actually propose killing them, they have to grow up somewhere.

Otoh safe-guarding needs to happen. If there are any further concerns that this is not happening, then you need to take it up with the school.

You are reacting to gossip. Put the pitchfork down for a minute and realise you don't know the full story

I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to be concerned about the safety and well-being of your own child above all others - I hope we all prioritise our own children.

So you need to ensure your child knows what to do, as people upthread have said.

You can then turn your attention to the other child/other children and their fates, if you want to. But do stop listening to gossip, and really, don't encourage it. Somewhere in the middle is a child who needs help before it's too late.

What you want to avoid is that abused children are just dumped somewhere away from you and yours, and eventually enter adult society having had no help to learn better behaviour, having had no opportunities, having had no chance at all.

The op's post is not nearly detailed enough to assume she is reacting to gossip alone or that the gossip is so inaccurate that she is wrong to be concerned.

There was a boy at my son's school whose behaviour was notoriously disordered. I had an insight into his pattern of chaotic and violent behaviour via my son and 'gossip' from other parents. He ended up strangling, my son, in a near enough random act in the playground. They had previously had v limited contact. There was no history of relationship issues or even a relationship. So there you go...gossip isn't always bollocks and schools absolutely don't always do the right thing in protecting it's pupils. Even outstanding state schools with children from affluent backgrounds, like this one.

The child in your op, just like the one in mine, undoubtedly has had a difficult upbringing and is absolutely deserving of support, but it does NOT mean that support has to be at the expense of the children and teachers at school.

Unfortunately I trusted my son's school to know what they were doing and to be taking their safeguarding responsibility seriously. I was wrong.

Sauvingon why shouldn't she discuss it with the school community?

gossip isn't always bollocks and schools absolutely don't always do the right thing in protecting it's pupils.

This is so true. People need to stop minimising OP's concerns.

Parents gossip before knowing all facts. They make people believe things have happened.
I'll not go into details op but if you have concerns about your child's safety please talk to your principal . Excluding a child is very serious. Just because you feel they should be doesn't mean they should be