To not want my friends mum to say she'll smack my ds bum??

[beckieperk]

As title suggests....went to a friends after school pick up today. She has 2 ds (6 and 3) my ds is also 6. When they get together they do sometimes play rough/argue over toys/who goes first etc etc. Today we had been in the house for 10 minutes (boys playing with cars) when my friends mum turns up. They are playing ok....but all of a sudden she (the mum/grandma) threatens to smack my ds's bum. I don't smack his bum. We use time out, step or removing from play. Aibu to not expect someone else to say they'll smack his bum??

YANBU. She has no business threatening him with violence. I'd make sure he is never alone with her.

What did you say? How did your friend react?

Next time she says that, I would say (in front of the children) that you do not believe in violence as a form of punishment and you would appreciate it if she didn't threaten your child.
Let him see you stand up for him so he knows if anyone else ever threatens him like this that it is unacceptable

She didnt hear she was in the kitchen. Thankfully we don't see her too often.....i think each to their own but I choose not to hit my son. Don't expect anyone else to either. Not said anything yet.....just laying here thinking about it now. And it's p*ssing me off!!

She probably didn't mean it literally. In my family we often say 'You'll get a clip round the ear if you're not careful' or 'You're not too big for a smack on the bum' or whatever, but it's just a figure of speech, a joke. None of us would ever, in a million years, smack a child. (My mum didn't smack me or my siblings ever, and we were born in the 60s and 70s when it was pretty normal.)

Nice idea sayyouwill.....thanks.

Thanks Polly.....you're probably right of course. Just irritating that she said it at all.

How dare she, is this how she talks to her own grandkids i wonder. It's to be hoped it's only talk.

YANBU to think she shouldn't lay a finger on your child, but tbh most people have to get pretty damn irritated before they threaten violence to other people's children. If the boys do, as you say, "play rough/argue over toys/who goes first etc etc", is it possible that she thinks their behaviour together is worse than you think it is?

Yes she does say it to them too....not sure if they do get a smacked bum or Not???

I agree it can get tiresome Punt when it's over a prolonged time.....but she had literally just walked in. They weren't even being naughty.....just loud and excited at the time. And even so...its not her place to offer any punishment imo.

The fuck? ? Of course not. I am very anti smacking having been knocked about smacked as a child.

My DM threatened to whack my DD1 once. She did smack us a lot when we were children so it did shock me. I made it very clear to her that she was never under any circumstances to threaten that again.

So no, YANBU definitely, but, as PollyFlint said, it's unlikely that your friend's mum meant it literally. But it's very bad that she said it at all.

Ah, maybe not then. Charitably, perhaps she has some reason you don't know about to be unusually irritable atm.

Or possibly she's just a dick

Punt. I'm unsure about her irritability levels or the reasons behind it to be honest. Every time I see her she seems very highly strung. Perhaps a little controlling too.....my freind doesn't seem to notice so much.

My mum had dementia, earlier this year I took her out for the day to a local shopping centre.

We were in a shop I was looking at clothes, mum was sitting in a wheelchair. A child near by was having a trantrum screaming at their mum they wanted sweets. Before I knew what was happening my mum told him she would take her slipper off and smack his backside. The mum started shouting at my mum she actually told the security guard my mum had threatened to hit her child.

The security guard tried to explain to her my mum was ill, but she wouldn't stop shouting in the end she was told to leave the shop.
My mum had 6 children and never once smacking any of us. It was just something that she said.
In the past I've heard myself shout I'll smack your bum to my dd's I never would and they knew that.

While I sympathise with your mum's illness and the woman in question should have calmed down after it had been explained to her, I must admit I'd have been very annoyed with that sort of comment. And I don't think an elderly person automatically has some form of dementia.

This mum/grandma is only 50 odd.....im not entirely sure. But I don't think she has any major illness. Maybe she came to see her daughter for a reason and just me and my ds being there irritated her. She didnt stay long.

If another mum or their mum said they'd smack my child's bum, then I would follow up with "and straight after that I'll smack yours" and then laugh.

If they didn't mean it seriously then both are a joke, if they did then it's clear "hit my child and I'll hit you"

I'm not agreeing with what the mum in the op's comment done. I would also be angry if a friend's mum threatened to smack my dd.
I was just looking at it from another view point.

Next time tell her off. Abusing your superior strength to hit a child is appalling.

If she'd said that me/my child my response to her would've been that if she ever laid a hand on my child, I'd report her for assault.

Regardless of whether someone smacks their own child or not, they have no right to hit anyone else's.

I'd never let my child go around there again and I would be very blunt with my friend as to why. "My child will not be coming to your house again, or anywhere your mother will be, as I cannot risk her assaulting my child".

I suppose some people are "nostalgic" for the days when smacking naughty children was normal - it's not that long ago, so they make throwaway comments, most likely which they've no intention of carrying out, and they're not aware it's an issue many people feel strongly about nowadays. I remember primary teachers threatening likewise, just before telling us it wasn't allowed.

(My Dh and I threaten each other with smacked bums - yes I know, totally different from an adult saying it to a child, and we don't say it when there are children around; but if I catch him wearing my slippers again, I swear I'll use them where they'll do most good, quicker than ltb (misses point of thread))