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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have spent my day off doing house work?

21 replies

Terriblehousewife123 · 11/09/2017 20:38

I'm suffering badly with SPD, chronic back pain, all day 'morning sickness' and anemia, I'm 20 weeks pregnant and am knackered all of the time - I swear not an hour goes past without me feeling like I'm going to fall asleep on the spot or cry in pain. I work 3 days p/w.

3 year old started nursery today and the way her hours work means that for the first time in the 3 years she's been alive I had a day where I wasn't working or looking after her and had a whole day to myself with no obligations.

The house was a bit of a state, asked my partner to hoover over the weekend but he didn't. Dishwasher also needed doing.

Anyway I wanted to spend the day tidying/cleaning because it needed doing and if I didn't I knew i would just need to do it in the evening but I was so shattered, my feet are swollen up and was in pain with my back so to be honest I spent the day sleeping on the sofa in between being sick and watching a bit of whatever was on TV.

Woke up briefly at 3ish; text my partner telling him I hadn't done the housework and to not start an argument with me when he gets in (didn't want an argument, wanted to talk to my daughter about her first day at nursery etc)

Then fell back asleep and woke up when they got in at 5.30ish. He came in and went mad at me, telling me how lazy I am I've just been on my ass all day and hadn't done anything etc.

Anyway the way he spoke to me, I can't take it anymore. Yes there are other issues and I'm at my breaking point now but this has really wound me up how angry he was, especially causing an argument about it infront of our daughter and making me feel like shit and worthless, he text his colleagues to tell them and then proceed to tell me how lazy they think I am.

So AIBU for not tidying up today? Does this make me as lazy and shit as he's implying or is it fair enough that I am exhausted beyond belief and just wanted to spend the day sleeping on the sofa and not cleaning up for once?

OP posts:

Snausage · 11/09/2017 20:42

He sounds like an abusive shitface, and certainly not someone I'd like to be around, or would like to have around my child.

Your day off is YOUR day off. Since when does someone have to justify themselves like that? If my DP even considered speaking to me like that, he'd be off to live with his mother quicker than he could blink.

Nadinexo1 · 11/09/2017 20:43

no you are not being unreasonable at all. I suffered with SPD so i know how painful it is and so difficult to do anyrhing comfortably even sleep. you're pregnant and need rest and your partner should understand this. He obviously didn't Hoover when he was meant to do it anyway so how can he be mad at you? He needs to be more supportive

PuntasticUsername · 11/09/2017 20:45

You had me at "for the first time in the 3 years she's been alive I had a day where I wasn't working or looking after her and had a whole day to myself with no obligations." tbh.

Bluntness100 · 11/09/2017 20:46

He texted his colleagues to say you hadn't don't the house work? Why would his colleagues want to know such a thing?

No it's not unreasonable but if the house was a state then the issue is it's not being done regularly, so the pair of you need a rota to keep on top of it. An yes when you're not feeling well then he should step up.

Anecdoche · 11/09/2017 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zool69 · 11/09/2017 20:52

He sounds like a complete cunt. No idea how some people have the capacity to behave like that to anyone, let alone their partner.

If my wife was in your situation I'd be really annoyed if she had tidied and cleaned rather than rested!

ErrolTheDragon · 11/09/2017 20:54

Wow... (a) you absolutely deserved a 'holiday' and (b) you didn't get one, you're clearly not well, and you're exhausted.
Completely shitty behaviour from your partner ( doesn't sound as though he understands the meaning of the word)

Babyblues14 · 11/09/2017 20:57

Honestly I have been the laziest cow during my pregnancy. Dh jokingly said I was slacking and it really pissed me off. He quickly apologised.
But to actually come in screaming and making you feel like shit is not on. He is an abusive asshole. Tell him if he wants it doing he knows where the cleaning stuff is.
I would go and lock myself in the bathroom and soak my ass in the bath for as long as possible. Let him look after your other child and out her to bed if she isn't already.
ignore the asshole

user1499786242 · 11/09/2017 20:59

No no just NO
Not acceptable on any level!

I have chronic back pain and if I had a day without having to look after my son I would spend every single minute resting in bed
In fact I look forward to him going to nursery as we have no family support and my partner works all hours as I can't.
I intend to spend a good few weeks recovering from the first 3 years of his life!
So for you to have one day ONE BLOODY DAY where you didn't do your 'chores' is completely completely acceptable
What does he do on his time off? I bet it's not the washing is it?
What an absolute twat
You deserve better
So do your children!

PeanutButterIsEverything · 11/09/2017 21:01

I'm not one for shouting LTB at the first transgression but I think you need a permanent holiday from this bellend! Texting his colleagues to tell them his wife hadn't cleaned the house on her first day to herself in 3 YEARS while heavily pregnant?!?! I hope his colleagues laughed back at him and told him not to be such a prick and get some housework done himself and look after your 3 year old all weekend so you can relax some more.

Arse.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 11/09/2017 21:08

When I read where you felt the need to text him to say that you hadn't done the housework, including the bits that he had failed to do, before I finished the sentence I assumed there were only 2 reasons you would text him:

Making the point that if he leaves the housework then so will you.
To let him know how shit you feel so he would be ready get the dinner sorted, give you a back rub in bed, do DD bedtime etc in the evening. That's how DH and I would use such an email. He'd probably bring chocolates and give me a big hug while keeping the DC as quiet as possible at bedtime because mummy needs a rest.

But no, you texted him to beg him not to abuse you because you know he is an abusive cunt. He came home and abused you. The text enabled him to get some extra abuse in.

What a total cunt he is. But you knew that already.

TitaniasCloset · 12/09/2017 06:33

He sounds like a complete arsehole. You don't need this crap in your life.

LindyHemming · 12/09/2017 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nuttynoo · 12/09/2017 06:50

If the house is a tip then it means you never do the housework or don't do it properly, and so the day off is a bit of a red herring. If you're the one at home or the one more at home then it's reasonable that you're expected to keep a hygenic (ish) home. Or at least not make things worse. But he should do something too as you work and should definitely not expect things to be perfect / shout at you if he doesn't even pick up a finger.

user1471134011 · 12/09/2017 06:53

Did you miss the part where OP says she is pregnant and SPD Nuttynoo?

Thewinedidit · 12/09/2017 06:57

In my situation I would have at least superficially tidied before husband came home. However that's because he does the same for me when I'm working and he's off.

Your situation seems different. Is your partner incapable of housework when he's off? And the texting his colleagues? I would not at all be happy to put up with the way he speaks to you.

Tilapia · 12/09/2017 06:59

YANBU. He sounds horrible.

Tatiannatomasina · 12/09/2017 07:04

If he was so bothered about house work he would get off his arse and do it himself.

ShotsFired · 12/09/2017 07:11

Everything @RunRabbitRunRabbit said.

The second I read the bit where you said you had pre-emptively sent him a text so as to avoid him abusing you later that day. And then even so, he did, and escalated it to his colleagues?

Seriously OP, read that back to yourself. It is NOT how loving partners behave. It is how Grade A cunts behave, for sure.

junebirthdaygirl · 12/09/2017 07:26

When l was sick in pregnancy the only way l could cope was to lie down as felt so weak. My dh was working full time. He did all housework as l genuinely couldnt. He never complained. For 3 pregnancies.
Why have you never had time off from minding little one ? Why didnt her dad mind her at times?
He is horrible . And believe me his colleagues will be very uncomfortable about him dis cussing private matters with them.
Have you family you can go to? I know you have work and nursery but that abuse is out of order completely.

Noideawhatelseicando · 12/09/2017 07:30

I'm 35 weeks pregnant, I've had pgp since 16 weeks and now also have spd aswell as exhausted all the time so my consultant signed me off sick from my very physical job. Although I do my best to keep on top of house work it easily gets messy with a 3 year old, washing and general kitchen cleaning needed daily. My dh works very long hours mon-Fri but although he is tired all the time he does everything he can to be supportive, he is the one that tells me to rest and leave the housework and he does as much as he can at the weekend.

There is no way your dp should every treat you this way. He has no idea how hard it is to slewp at night due to pain, plus chasing a 3 year old round when ur legs give out due to pain. You need more than 1 day off to rest. The more you do the worse you make ur spd.
Big hugs to you op xx

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