Fallen out of love. How do I end it?

[GranolaLover]

I'll try not to make this too long.
Been with my OH for just over 4.5 years. We've had a pretty tumultuous relationship from the start due to different things,his drinking being one of them,and the fact that we are different religions another. Anyway,he gave up alcohol just over a year and a half ago,hasn't touched a drop since it am pretty sure. But over the last few months,I have been feeling more and more 'detached' from him,for want of a better word.
We had quite a few issues last year. He was unemployed for nearly a year,was always skint and expecting me to bail him out,which I did regularly. But,he has a job now and although I'm relieved that he is no longer expecting me to subsidise him,it galls me that he NEVER offers to help me when I'm a bit short. He has twice as much money as I have coming in,and less outgoings,yet he never ever offers to pay for a meal,or coffee,or buys me anything. I also bought him clothes and a new phone when he needed one. We don't live together,but I do him dinner a couple of times a week and he never offers to buy the food.
Also since he's stopped drinking and started working,he never wants to go out at all. His idea of quality time with me is laying around in bed all day on a Sunday,watching TV,and expecting me to provide him with food at regular intervals. He says he's 'too tired to go out' or 'there's no point going to a pub or restaurant for a meal as he can't drink'. Surely other people who don't drink alcohol still go out to restaurants and pubs?!
Anyway,to be honest,I'm fed up with it all. I feel like I'm not really in a relationship. It all feels one sided,I've helped him out and supported him in the past,and now he's in a position to help me occasionally,he can't,or won't. A few weeks ago,I realised that he wasn't practically the first thought on my mind when I woke up in the morning,and that I was trying to think of excuses to put him off coming over that night.
I am also undergoing some health related issues at the moment. I already have a couple of long-term chronic conditions that are gradually worsening,and recently I have been getting other symptoms which I am going to be having tests for this week. When I told him this,he said I was 'being negative'! FFS,if these tests are positive,it means I have cancer,and he is accusing me of being negative?!
I just feel like I don't want to be with him any more. But every time I try to find the words,I chicken out. I know he will take it badly,will kick off and try to make me feel guilty. Help. I don't know what to do.

Think I may have posted this in the wrong category. Should be in 'Relationships'.

Are you sure you want to end it?
Or do you want the relationship to be more of a partnership, more sharing, caring?
If the latter would counselling help.

If you're sure you want to end it the arrange to meet in a public place where you can have privacy to talk.
State your point of view. Be firm & certain. I.e. This is no longer working for me, I don't think it's resolvable therefore it's over effective now. If you have things at each other's homes then set a date & time when you will drop of his & collect yours.

Good luck

If it feels one sided, hard work as well as the lack of equity of support AND you're clearly needing someone to rely on right now you need to put this to him.
Are you there for me?
But largely trust your instinct. If you don't want him around at the moment then tell him you need that space. His reaction may guide you in the medium term. For the short term go with what you need.

Don't do what I did with a recent relationship, which is to limp on and on and hope that your feelings will change.

Meet somewhere neutral and tell him how you feel. It's best to get it over with so you can carry on with the rest of your life. if you don't, you'll only end up being resentful.

Tell them face to face. Keep it simple they will get upset and maybe get angry/upset and not hear most of your reasoning. Don't be talked into staying. Decide what is best for you and good luck for the future.

Kindly and quickly.

It doesn't sound as though he brings many positives to your life.

Like the man said:

Thank you all for your responses. I honestly can't see him agreeing to go to counselling,if I suggested it he I think he would say that there was nothing wrong with our relationship! He won't even discuss any issues with ME,let alone an outsider. The moment I try and talk to him about anything,it's always the same. The shutters come down and he says words to the effect of 'That's in the past now. Why do you have to keep going on about things in the past? Why don't you look to the future and stop being negative?' Yes,he's very fond of accusing me of being negative. I honestly don't think I'm any more negative than the average 53 year old with several,quite major health problems! And really,I just want out of the relationship. I am starting to find him rather emotionally draining lately. I just know that if/when I finish it,he will accuse me of having found someone else. He's always been a bit hung-up on thinking I'm going to replace him. But that is so not true,it's a joke. At the moment,I am not interested in being in a relationship,full stop. It is taking too much of my energy having to take someone else into consideration.

I feel you have done more that enough for him, he has had plenty of chances and his true colours of being mean and quite frankly selfish financially and emotionally are not attractive - be grateful you don't live together. I would be quite firm. Let him kick off but the end is the end. More to life. It is sad after 4.5 years but I wouldn't waste another day .. You could forgive the mean streak but not acknowledging a serious health issue is a no go