To be obsessing over meeting my Biological Father?

[JimJams1982]

A few years ago (aged 25ish) I was told that the man I thought was my Dad, may not be... I more or less dismissed this as wishful thinking on my Mums part (long story short, he's a pretty shitty "Dad"), but never forgot what was said.

9 months ago, I was poking around Facebook stalking people (as you do) and came across the man Mum had claimed could be my Biological Father and let's just say it was pretty clear he was!!

Anyway, cut to now... We have been in contact (messenger) for a few months, his family now know about me and we are due to meet in a few days... It's what I've wanted since I first saw his photograph, but now I am freaking OUT!!! I can't think about much else, I'm worrying about what I'll say, what I'll wear (pathetic I know) what I'll eat, drink, whether he'll be disappointed, whether we'll like one another... The list goes on! Everyone else is just pleased/excited for me. Why can't I just be excited? Why am I obsessing so much?

Any experiences / advice appreciated. I have a few more days to get through and I'd really like to have not chewed all the way through my cheek by then!!

I've been in a very similar situation. Best of luck.

I've met mine and built up a positive relationship with him and my paternal family.

He was fairly young and immature for his age and I was the result of a casual first attempt at a relationship, not the "done thing" at that time. With time he regretted not being involved with me.

Thank you Thepersonineedisnannymcphee, did you have a positive experience?

It's lovely to hear you were able to build up a relationship with him and the rest of your paternal family SomewhatIdiosyncratic. Was your first meeting stressful, or was it Just 'natural as people keep assuring me it will be?

I have had a similar experience too. Didn't go so well but am sure it can so good luck!

I met my bio dad when I was 30, after thinking my adopted dad was my dad until I was 19. Went ok, but after meeting me twice he decided he didn't want any more contact. The feeling of rejection was horrific, and I had to have counselling.

Go on open minded and try not to put too much emotion into it at first.

I think that it's best to keep a bit of mental distance. You can always relax after a while. But so many hopes and fears tend to get sunk into a meeting like this that the reality can be a bit of a shock.

(met both bio. mother and bio. father at 18. Bio father gracefully declined further contact, bio. mother turned out to be a true nightmare but I do have contact with a lovely half-sister through her).

Thank you all for sharing. It's all these possibilities which I suppose are the reason for me obsessing. I don't think it's unreasonable to be feeling the way I am given the reality I'm facing of a potentially life changing meeting. But I'm going to try and follow the advice not to invest too much emotionally at this stage... I can only try. x

I went through all the emotions before I met my bio dad, it's perfectly normal.

Do you have someone you can voice off to without them judging you and just sitting there and listen?

Not really ALemonyPea, it's still not common knowledge, my Husband is away with work and everyone else is a bit too closely involved for me to be able to be completely open. But we're another day closer and hopefully when I actually meet him, it will calm down the over thinking a bit! x