I know I was and now I feel bad

[spottygrotty]

In the Disney store today with my DS who was spending some money from his 4th birthday. He picked up a snow white costume and was giggling saying that he wanted it but didn't want people to see him wearing it. I talked him round to choosing something else and now I feel bad. He hasn't mentioned it since so he's not worried but I just feel I was wrong and should have let him get the dress. What would you have done?

The other day my 3 year old boy wanted a really naff sparkly plastic hairband in Asda. He said "I love it, can I have it?" I said no because I don't buy plastic tat if I can avoid it. But I kind of felt bad afterwards as I don't want him thinking boys can't like purple sparkly things! However I wouldn't have bought him any "boys" tat either if it was something we didn't need - batman socks or whatever.

I kind of want to give him the freedom to like what he wants, be who he wants to be etc but at the same time I don't want to buy him stuff any time he demands it, as that might encourage tantrums in shops if I ever say no!

I bought my DS a pink princess outfit from IKEA when he was 4. Previous to that he'd adopted a pink t-shirt of mine that served as a dress on him.
He loved wearing them, as he did his Harry Potter outfit and his Spider-Man outfit. Now as a young adult he's no more likely to be a wizard or a superhero than he is a princess. That's because he was playing at roles. Which is what 4 year olds do.
In fact the only thing that shocks me about what I have written above is that I owned a pink item of clothing for myself.

If my Ds genuinely wanted it, i probably would have let him get it, but the fact he said he liked it but didn't want anyone to see him in it, means to me, it would have been a waste of money

So yanbu

DS2 wanted Dora trainers when he was starting Reception. I steered him towards others because I knew he'd be mocked terribly if he had them. But I felt like crap about it. The thing is, DS2 was already vulnerable to mockery because he works hard and takes school rules very seriously and at that time was rather clumsy and uncoordinated, so I thought I was doing the right thing by trying to avoid him getting laughed at for yet another thing. I'm not sure at all it was the right thing though. I wish i'd just bought him the bloody trainers.

100% bought it.

It's a bit of fabric.

What if it was a DD and a 'masculine' costume? You'd have been pilloried for not buying it.

It infuriates me that society is trashing silly gender stereotypes for girls and maintaining them for boys.

I wouldn't buy it for any child from the Disney store because I think it's overpriced tat.

A cheap second hand one from ebay no problem.

DS refuses to dress up in any fancy dress of any description, 'I don't want to be anyone but me'. Makes me feel a bit sad, because it's something I never got to do as a kid and would've been fun to live vicariously through my offspring. Hey ho.

Kimmy you seem nice.

Woefully uninformed about gender realignment though.

OP I wouldn't have talked him out of the dress but I might have suggested he get something he didn't mind wearing everywhere.

I wouldn't have bought it for either a boy or a girl

kimmy jeez over the top much? It's not all about gender.

I would not have bought that overpriced tat in a month of Sundays.

I know loads of mums with little boys who like pretty dresses and sparkly shoes. Don't understand why they can't! Seems a shame to impose rigid gender stereotypes on a 4y/o

That said I'd probably get one second hand off eBay rather than fork out full price but I'd do that for either sex tbh as Disney prices are astronomical!

If he could be persuaded then he didn't really want it.

I get why your instinct was to do this OP and it was probably protective rather than restrictive.

DS1 (now16) had a kitchen, a dolls buggy and loved to dress up in my clothes and heels, looking back on it we probably should have bought him some princess dressing up, we had a kind of gender neutral box of pirates, Native American etc, but in my defence it was not so trendy back then, I remember getting a look of disgust from some twat when we were out with his buggy and dolls/teddy and feeling fiercely protective of DS and wanting to chin the dickkead.

He is now a gorgeous gay teen and very happy in his own skin but I think you want to protect them from other people's reactions, which unfortunately is not possible. But at least you're thinking about it rather than just reacting.

My 3 year old boy has asked for an Elsa dress for his birthday at the end of this month. Of course I've got it for him. It's just an item of clothing that he thinks is pretty. What's wrong with boys wearing dresses or wanting to be a princess once in a while in the privacy of their home like yours wanted? The issue lies with us, not them. My son has worn fairy wings to preschool because he wanted to look like Holly from Ben and Holly. No way was I going to stand in his way just because society say's he shouldn't based on his gender. Just as I won't stop my little girl wearing 'boy things' if she wants.

I also have no idea why prams and dolls etc are seen as girls toys or used to show they have 'girl toys'. Do boys not become Dads?

I also have no idea why prams and dolls etc are seen as girl toys or used to show they have 'girl toys'. Do boys not become dad's?

Absolutely Haribo men push prams and cook etc ( one would hope so anyway) I do think things have moved on a lot even in the 13 years since DS was wee.

My DS is 5 and my DD is 4.
They have a ton of dress up things and he used to dress up as a princess most of the time.

Now he just dresses up as iron man, as DD is always dressing as Wonder Woman.

If you're really feeling bad, check out eBay. I only buy our dress up off there and they are a heck of a lot cheaper than Disney store!