Parental Access to 13 year olds iPad.

[NameWithChange]

Hi all, just that really, AIBU to have the passcode/access to 13 year old DS's iPad?

His father thinks we should have full access whenever we want/need. I am on the fence and can see my teen wants some privacy. I have just found out that he has now changed the password so we no longer have access and this is going to come to a head.

What does everyone else do?

Privacy has to be earned. By changing his password behind your back when he knew what the rules were, he has lied to you and needs that ipad taken off. If it were me I wouldn't trust him with anything any more.

You definitely need access.

Just because they want privacy doesn't mean there is anything to be suspicious of. In times gone by they'd have written in a diary and would be furious if a parent or sibling read it. They would have private conversations with friends. Nowadays they write and communicate on Snapchat and WhatsApp

If they want to have a diary, surely give them a padlocked notebook and a pen? You can still actually get those!

Private conversations? Encourage them to have them in person and actually be social.

There is zero need for a child of 13 to have privacy from their parents on the internet. Even the smartest most trustworthy child can make a mistake and once its online it's there for good.

Not really That is hideous.

Notreallyarsed 10?! Oh god how rediculous! I really would not be happy either!

Full parental access or no device in our house. My DS is 13 as well.

He can take it or leave it.

For info, we had a talk and he has given me the new passcode.

As I said upthread I was interested to hear other opinions, it was never going to be a case of allowing him to control my access.

His school are very good on internet safety talks and we talk at home when new things crop up - like the recent snap chat saga. He is very discreet about posting any personal information on line (he never does) and has privacy settings on all when he can. He doesn't have a fb account and is 'friends' with me on instagram so I see all he posts (not much)

I think the issue for him is that as he doesn't have an iPhone so all of his private conversations with friends are either on iMessage or instagram. I have read previously one of his very sweet privately educated female peers tearing strips off her mother and being very nasty about her (he doesn't know I saw this) I think those are the type of private conversations that he doesn't want me to see - he has possible equally said I am a crap Mum because of my restrictions/house rules/lack of an iPhone appearing in his life like most of his peers.

It is an interesting debate though, I can understand why he wouldn't want me to read his private messages and I have no wish to (the things I said about my mother years ago.....)

To add, his class have an Instagram chat group that you would imagine is quite useful for reminders about what homework is due etc - that is true. I have read through it over the last couple of years and been horrified by the content of some of the postings, sexual, racist, abusive, bullying etc (none of those by my DS thankfully) There are clearly a lot of parents out there that have no idea what type of things their children are sharing 'in public' and at all hours of the night and day.

But as my mother says to me, most of those type of comments have been heard in the playground for generations and not assessed out of context by adults. It is a very tricky time at the moment.

9 times out of 10 when one of these classmates is abusive another child steps in to say 'that is bullying' etc and shoots them down so I think they could be just a hormone fuelled lot of boundary pushers and it is possible all quite 'normal'.

You should have access.

You shouldn't use it though.

A child don't need privacy on the internet because we don't know who is behind those screen names.

I've wondered this too, and my eldest is 15! Apparently no other friend of his has parents who have the passwords...

But 2 years he was on a dodgy forum that a friend recommended. They were all on it thinking they were messaging girls. Thank god I checked as it a very unsafe chat room which I googled and it had lots of warnings from parents! So my son now understands that nothing online is private. Nothing.