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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to say up yours!

29 replies

chubbylover78 · 11/09/2017 13:36

My brother is getting married next year, wedding is a weekend affair about an hours drive from us. Told my brother that i would do his wedding stationary free as a gift from me ( i make wedding stationary and gifts). A few month ago the bride to be gave all guests a letter detailing events and the place where the wedding is to be held hav accomodation for close family only and that she had saved us a room to accommodate myself, dp and ds. Fast forward a couple of months and my mum tells me (after they went with my brother his partner and her parents to look at the venue) that the room that was being held for us has been given to someone else and then today their wedding invite turns up.
Pissed off is an understatement!
Aibu to tell em to stick it. They knew we were going and then give our room to someone else and then send out invites without even telling me they didn't want me to make them. Surley a polite no thank you but we're sorting it ourselves would of been more kinder.

OP posts:
DarceyBusselsNose · 11/09/2017 13:40

my mum tells me - phone your brother and future SIL and ask if mum a hold of the wrong end of the stick.

magicstar1 · 11/09/2017 13:42

Exactly - speak to your brother and SIL first.

BTW it's stationery.

Owland · 11/09/2017 13:42

Sorry op but your spelling and grammar may have made them nervous about trusting you with the invite production. The room business is out of order though.

Original poster
chubbylover78 · 11/09/2017 13:45

My parents are being put in the room we were allocated with the best man and his family. Spelling has nothing to do with it im trying to multi task and its not working lol

OP posts:
Hillarious · 11/09/2017 13:45

Easiest way to remember it, OP, is that it's "stationery" - e for envelope.

KimmySchmidt1 · 11/09/2017 13:46

I dont really think this day is about you. They probably thought you were just offering rather than counting on doing the stationery. The room is a pain but then people are always in great difficulty with allocating a room and you are only an hour away - there may be family coming from further away. It sounds like your brother has been a typical thoughtless bloke about it all but is that really a reason to become a screaming Eastenders character and take over their day with your dramatic absence?

Just suck it up for a day. By all means tell you brother he has been a thoughtless swine, but it is very bad taste to hijack the day by not showing up.

Batteriesallgone · 11/09/2017 13:48

Next year?

Gives you plenty of time to talk to him then doesn't it.

Calm down

Hillarious · 11/09/2017 13:49

What's the invitation like? Is it a style you would have come up with, or does it differ greatly from yours?

Anecdoche · 11/09/2017 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarceyBusselsNose · 11/09/2017 13:50

My parents are being put in the room we were allocated with the best man and his family.

TBH my curiosity is peeked by the thought of this multi room occupancy and gang bang with the best man Grin

Original poster
chubbylover78 · 11/09/2017 13:53

There are only three rooms available and all were reserved for parents, brothers and sisters. The only guests invited are close family and friends and the venue is closer to her family than ours. They already knew we wanted the room as my son has asd and can't be around alot of hustle and bustle so he was stopping in the room and we had planned on checking on him every hour.

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 11/09/2017 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Batteriesallgone · 11/09/2017 13:57

If everyone is close then surely you can all just work it out between you? It's not like your room has been allocated to a random or someone unconnected to the wedding. Can't you all meet up for a meal or something and just have a chat about the plans?

As for the stationery thing, let it go. It would have cost you time and effort you now don't need to put in, which is a positive. Make sure you are positive/professional about it when you talk to them.

Original poster
chubbylover78 · 11/09/2017 14:01

My brother knows he wouldn't hurt my feelings by not letting me do their wedding stationery it's just nice to be told no thank you and not be told "oh that would be great thank you" and then go ahead anyway.
The wedding venue has 3 rooms available for guests ranging from sleeping 4 to 6 people, theres 14 beds for guests to use which were allocated for family. All other guests were given information on local hotels and their rates and told that accomodation at the venue is reserved.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 11/09/2017 14:11

Just calmly say that not having the room as promised does not work for you.

Travis1 · 11/09/2017 14:13

Lift up the phone and speak to your brother?

Celticlassie · 11/09/2017 14:15

Can your DS use your parents' room to sit in during evening till you take him home?

OVienna · 11/09/2017 14:15

Told my brother that i would do his wedding stationary free as a gift from me ( i make wedding stationary and gifts).

Did they ask you if you could do it or did you really just 'tell' them, as you have written? If it's the latter, this may have well worried them to the extent they felt obliged to accept and didn't know how to tell you that wasn't something they did in fact want. I can see why they would have avoided that particular 'chat'.

Don't know what to say about the room.

The whole situation comes across as having important details missing.

Bluntness100 · 11/09/2017 14:18

Well it's not really been given to a randomer, it's your parents that will use the room, there is only three.

Book another hotel, you seem to think you should get special treatment for some reason, yes you wanted it, but there was other guests, i.e. Parents and best man who have priority, telling him up yours seems a really extreme reaction, this wedding really isn't all about you.

glitterlips1 · 11/09/2017 14:23

Although you may have had good intentions it sounds as if you forced your stationery invites on them. The room I wouldn't be overly worried about, I would just book somewhere else? Or where they paying?

AlpacaLypse · 11/09/2017 14:27

Am I the only person who's noticed the OP has a disabled child and needs a room at the venue for him to be quiet in? I know ASD DNephew wouldn't be able to cope with a whole day and evening of family social event, I imagine OP's child is similar.

Original poster
chubbylover78 · 11/09/2017 14:39

I didn't "force" my offer of doing the stationery on anyone. I said that i can do it as a gift to them as i know how expensive it can be. My son isn't wanting to go to the wedding at all but he was happier knowing he can have space to himself away from everyone. My parents and myself are the only family going from our side, i just can't understand them saying they have accomodation for family when there clearly isn't and then sputting my parents in with the best man and his family. Surely you should know how much space there is available before you go telling people they are catered for when clearly they're not.

OP posts:
Firesuit · 11/09/2017 15:03

Told my brother

I think this is where you went wrong. The information had probably exited his other ear long before he next encountered whichever woman is planning the wedding, so was not passed on.

Anecdoche · 11/09/2017 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DarceyBusselsNose · 11/09/2017 15:11

Im still a bit lost with the multi occupancy and sleepin with strangers. Irrespective, free or not, I'd be booking my own hotel room, with no random drunks included.

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