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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To try and nip this in the bud

15 replies

Penguinonesie · 11/09/2017 10:24

I'm ready to be told IABU and being PFB but, my DS started school recently in reception, he's been referred for an assessment to see if he has additional needs. Took him in this morning and another child keeps touching him which he doesn't like, DS says "stop touching me" they continue to keep touching him, which in my mind is deliberately antagonising him, so DS gets angry and shouts "stop touching me," getting close to having a meltdown.
I didn't say anything because a) he was vocalising that he didn't like it without me b) the other child's parent is there c) the teachers and classroom assistants were there and needed to be aware of this issue.
I spoke to the school before he started and the senco who in all honesty brushed a lot of my concerns off (bearing in mind she had only met him for about 30 minutes).
So, would I be U to contact the senco and make her aware of this situation to ensure it is monitored and prevented from happening again?
Sorry if it makes no sense and is rambly my anxiety is in full force today

OP posts:
NancyDonahue · 11/09/2017 11:16

Yanbu. That's what the senco is for. If your ds has additional needs you will need to get used to speaking up for him.

Bizzysocks · 11/09/2017 11:21

I would speak to the class teacher as it is her/him and the ta who will need to keep an eye on the other child winding your ds up and put a stop to it. It sounds like your ds handled it well.

BlueSuffragette · 11/09/2017 11:22

Go and talk to the class teacher and the SENCO and get early intervention in place for your son.

Original poster
Penguinonesie · 11/09/2017 11:42

We don't get to talk to the teacher or ta's. I'll see if I can nab a ta at the end of today but usually the children are brought out one by one. Thank you for reassuring me.

OP posts:
Bizzysocks · 11/09/2017 11:49

Wait till the end and ask to speak to the teacher. At our school the teachers seem happy to chat to you (following through with what has been discussed is the problem)

yorkshireyummymummy · 11/09/2017 11:56

I think it's odd that you don't get to talk to the teachers. I would wait until they brought my DS out today and say to whoever brings him out that you need to speak to his teacher and you are happy to wait till the other children have been given back to their mummies and daddies. If you dont get to see the teacher the go to recoetion and ask to see the head. I would be furious/ upset that some kid was winding my child up deliberatly ( in fairness, the other child was only dong what kids do but he needs to learn) and there were adults around who could/ should have stepped in but they did nothing. If that happens in front of you, what's it like when you are not there?? Make an apt to see the SENCO and discuss your concerns with her. Don't let then brush you off. You are his mummy and he needs you to stand up for him and ensure he is ok when he is at school. I think it's a huge thing handing your precious baby over to relative strangers for hours every day so you have to have trust and faith in them that they are doing right by your child. And if youDont think they are doing what you want them to for your boy then you need to be strong and ensure they understand what you want. They might be his teacher, that does not make them more important than you and your sons needs. Go girl!

EternalOptimistToo · 11/09/2017 11:59

If you can't catch the teacher at the end of the day or the start, then ask to make an appointment. You CAN see the teacher if you need to, which is clearly is the case for you, and the teacher WILL see you.

Also book an appointment with the SENCO and be sure that you update them re the results of the evaluations.

Original poster
Penguinonesie · 11/09/2017 12:05

I'll speak to whoever brings him out and ask if I can speak to someone, there is 2 ta's and the teacher so I should be allowed to speak to someone! It is a very quick "hello" in the morning, take your child in and go! Soon we won't be allowed to go in with them so I'm a bit worried what will be going on then.
Now I know I'm not being an overprotective dick I'll speak to them.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 11/09/2017 12:22

Teachers at dds school will talk to you if it's a short conversation in the morning. Parents, however, have been asked not to speak at length to the teacher in the morning unless urgent and to wait until after school or make and appointment. For issues, which take time to discuss, it is best to make an appointment simply because the teacher will arrange a day when they don't have to rush into a meeting. Don't ever be afraid to speak up whenever necessary with an urgent issue.

I have sent the odd email to the class teacher regarding dds medical condition and once because she told me about some disturbing bullying of other children, which dd witnessed. So there are many ways to get in touch. Send it to the main admin email address and it should be passed on.

Ttbb · 11/09/2017 12:25

You should definitely bring this up with the school further but you cannot expect them to intervene every time. Children that age wind each other up, that's just what they do until they learn better and they won't earn better of they don't get the chance to get it wrong first. Likewise you DC won't get the chance to learn how to deal with it unless it happens every now and then. You really should be asking for more support for your DC in regards to developing coping mechanisms rather than trying to shield him from normal life experiences.

disappearingninepatch · 11/09/2017 12:25

Why don't you email to the teacher and copy in the SENCO saying just what you've said here. Then there will be a record of the incident.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis · 11/09/2017 12:29

I wouldn't like being constantly touched either. DD did it to me for a whole morning at sports day 2 years ago. I just about stopped myself from shouting at her.

blankface · 11/09/2017 12:29

Speak to them, then follow it up in writing, keep it short and factual, email will do, confirming who said what and what action is to be taken.

This is called making a paper trail and if your son does have additional needs, you'll need to know how to do this to make sure school do what they tell you they are going to do. Keep all of your correspondence with them.

It may also come in handy in the future as evidence of his needs from an early age.

e.g. dear [teacher/Head] Today at [dropoff/pickup/ I noticed another child touching my son. Despite my son advocating for himself and telling the other child twice to leave him alone, the other child persisted. My son does have a very heightened sense of being touched and finds it very unpleasant.
Despite [teacher + TA's] in the room, no adult redirected the other child to leave my son alone.
I raised this with [teacher] at [dropoff/pickup today/date] and she agreed that [state proposed action to stop your son being touched] would be implemented starting tomorrow.
Thank-you very much for dealing with this matter. [signoff]

Original poster
Penguinonesie · 11/09/2017 12:34

blankface that's perfect! Thank you!

OP posts:
MiaowTheCat · 11/09/2017 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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