to get annoyed with MIL constantly talking about DN.

[rebeccaisarabbit]

SIL spent the first few years of her DS's life living with MIL, and now MIL looks after him a few days a week while she works (she has moved out now). They are very close and MIL goes to his school plays, fetes etc. This doesn't bother me or DH as we tend to do these things and just give an open invitation to both grandparents if theyd like to come.

MIL doesn't see a lot of our two DC as between her work, new partner and having DN she is quite busy, but once a month or couple of months she will 'pop' in and see them for lunch or dinner.

These times she spend the whole time talking about DN. My DD will say nanny can you read me this book and she will say oh I like this DN has this its his favourite. TV shows come on and she will say oh this is DNs favourite programme do you like this too? Etc etc. Barely an hour passes before is brought up and when the DC are playing she will go on and on about her DD's troubles with DN at school or similar.

It drives me nuts!!

If MIL has a lot of interaction with Grandchild A then she is going to know what children of A's age are into, what they like, what their development is etc. Therefore when she sees Grandchild B shes going to default back to what she knows she can talk about.

I often use the little girl next door as an example, "Jane has this, do you like this too?" I'm using something I know about in order to demonstrate an affinity. It doesn't mean I value/like/love Jane more than my own.

YANBU. I felt I had a similar situation with MIL until one day I spent time with SIL. She said she's hurt because her Mom constantly bangs on about our DC' what they are up too, how they are, how we are great independent parents. She was hurt and jealous for her DC.

SIL did not realise I felt similar. I think MIL likes to talk full stop and brag about all of her GC. It was a nice realisation.

We live abroad. When MIL sees our kids, all we hear about is 'William next door' (her toddler neighbour).

My Aunt used to do this telling us how wonderful my cousins were - her nephews. Only when she died did we discover in conversation with said cousins that she did the same with them about us!!!

It's really damaging for your kids. Cut her out.

No good comes of comparing all the time.

Precisely this though. I am not comparing my DC to DN, I just wish my DC could share their thoughts or opinions to their GM without her referencing him.

In regards to the scraps of attention, this is true and largely I have taken a step back and make sure DC know they have lots of family and friends, then when MIL wants to see/visit she is welcome. I think it began as SIL was a young mum living at home so MIL took on a large share of the 'parenting' duties and although she has now moved out this dynamic largely remained.