To be feeling hurt and upset that my parents never seem to want to bother with me?!

[Rainymorningblues]

As title.

Too long a story to go into really, but basically, 4 years ago my sibling had a child and gave my parents their first grandchild, they've since had another.

That was where it all started to go wrong to be honest. They are OBSESSED with my niece/ nephew and my sibling. Their whole lives revolve around them, it's all they talk about, all they revolve their days/ weekends around.

That's all normal you might say, yes I guess it is to some extent but I feel so sidelined.

I used to be really close to my parents and we would see each other most days/ chat on the phone once a day etc.

The last 4 years I've barely seen them, they live 20 miles away from me now, so whilst not exactly down the road, they're hardly the other end of the country either.

I go weeks and weeks without seeing them, it's me that has to ring them/ arrange to see them etc. My sibling lives 7 miles from me, so still 13 miles away from them, yet they drive over there most days to see them, yet never think to drive the extra 8 miles to see me, ever.

My mum was meant to help me with something work related tomorrow and I just got a message from her saying 'Sorry, not going to be able to make it tomorrow now, I've promised XXXX (sibling) that id pick XXX (niece) up from school and take them to XXX (after school activity)'

I've just rung her and said 'That's fine but can Dad not go and pick XXX up from school on his own and take her to activity?! Why does it take two of you? I'm going to be really up shit creek now tomorrow without you'

Her response 'I know but I haven't seen XXX (niece) in a week and I promised XXX (sibling) id take her.'

A week?! Neither her nor my dad haven't seen me in nearly 6 weeks!! And that was only because DP and I drove the 20 miles over to see them!

We were meant to meet up a couple of weekends ago with my sibling and their children for lunch halfway between us and our parents, but DM rang me an hour before we were due to leave saying that they were cancelling because XXX (nephew) had run a temperature and they all weren't going now. Well that's fair enough but could they not have still made the effort to go anyway and see DP and I, seeing as it was all planned and we'd scheduled our day around it?!

I'm just fed up of feeling like bottom of the list in terms of their priorities, all because I don't have children. Absolutely fed up of it and today just seems like the last straw. She doesn't NEED to go tomorrow, she's admitted that, just WANTS to go to see niece, even though she's landing her daughter in the shit.

I just feel sad that it feels like ny relationship with them really isn't what it used to be I am in no way a live in each other's pockets type and in all honesty, probably wouldn't want to see them more than once a fortnight/ the most once a week anyway, but I literally go weeks and weeks and weeks without seeing them and can go a couple of weeks without even hearing from them.

AIBU?

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, that sounds very hurtful and frankly shit

Would you consider telling your mum how you feel?

Was going to say exactly what GoldenFlaps said. You're not being unreasonable. Could you try and discuss this calmly with your mum? Perhaps invite her somewhere neutral to an activity you both enjoy and tell her how you feel?

I've discussed it before. There's been a few over the last couple of years. They make an effort for a bit but that's it, then it's back to normal again.

She only checks in on me now once a week or so to ease her own guilt, I can tell.

Things haven't been great with DP and I the last few weeks and I keep thinking 'Great, if we split up, I'll have no one' I'm being slightly melodramatic there as I am lucky enough to have good friends, but that's not the same as having a DP or family that love/ care about you etc.

I can guarantee if I had a child tomorrow they'd be all over me like a rash I'm sure.

What's your relationship like with your sibling?

You are right to feel hurt. It's crap.

They are being really selfish and thoughtless. Have you considered going low contact? It can't feel good being treated like that. Invest in other relationships, especially if things are tricky at home x

Tell them how crap they're being. Then make it clear that you won't see them until they make the drive to you. If that ends the relationship then so he it.

Your sadness really comes through in your post; I'm so sorry you feel like this.

Is there any problem between you and your sibling? Do the two of you see each other regularly?

What does your sibling think? They must have some awareness of the situation especially as it has been raised with your parents.

FWIW, I think you should not have contact with your parents until they put the effort in with you.

I'm sorry you are feeling so hurt. You have every right to be. I'm not sure how your parents can't see how one sided they are being?!!!

I do think you need to talk it out with them. Not mention it in passing, but a proper, frank discussion. They can't change their behaviour until they know how hurt its making you. But I'm surprised at their lack of self awareness tbh!