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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband, Travel and Birthday

4 replies

albertatrilogy · 10/09/2017 11:15

I've got a birthday on Tuesday. It's not a significant one and any special night out etc would be more conveniently postponed till the weekend. I'm going to be out doing some freelance work during part of the day.

My daughter who's currently visiting her boyfriend has said she wants to be around for my birthday, so has arranged to come back tomorrow (Monday) and cook dinner.

I'm feeling a bit uptight about what my husband is doing. He has started a business since he retired. It's a bit of a hobby business - from a commercial point of view - he doesn't look after things brilliantly. But there are aspects of it which he's very keen on. So there's a business related event in another part of the country (Essex) both today and tomorrow. He plans to travel to it and be back for a Tuesday evening family dinner. There'll be plenty of driving involved and the event will be quite demanding. My husband gets more tired now that he's a bit older.

So far, so good. But while checking the business email account I discovered that my partner also wants to visit relatives in North London tomorrow night for an early supper. He'd initially intended to drive. Whether he ends up taking public transport as I'd initially suggested - or drives the journey is likely to be time consuming. My husband goes to London - using Euston - at least once a month anyway, so these relatives could very easily be seen another time, with just a short Tube journey.

I realise what's actually winding me up is the evening of my birthday. If my husband does everything he intends to, he will come back absolutely shattered. When he's shattered he is not good company. He makes an effort to talk, but is inattentive and absent-minded and can't take anything that is being said.

I have just asked him to postpone visiting his relatives another time, as I think that will increase the chances of a pleasant family birthday dinner.

Rather than agreeing to this, he's just said he'll look into the best way of doing the Monday night journey.

What would you think or feel if you were me? I don't want roses or champagne or elaborate gifts of jewellery. I'd just like to have supper with a reasonably awake husband on the evening of my birthday.

OP posts:
M00nUnit · 10/09/2017 11:19

Can your daughter come over on Tuesday evening instead? I know it's not ideal but could you celebrate your birthday a day late?

albertatrilogy · 10/09/2017 11:21

Sorry, wasn't being clear re daughter. She's a student on her summer holidays.

She'd volunteered - without my asking - that she wanted to be back home for my birthday. So she's travelling here tomorrow, and wants to cook me a special meal on Tuesday night. (That's the one I'd like my husband to be reasonably alert for.)

OP posts:
2014newme · 10/09/2017 11:24

I'd enjoy the meal with my daughter or perhaps arrange to meet friends for a drink. Bugger your dh it's his loss.

all birthdays are significant!

albertatrilogy · 10/09/2017 11:31

I think the meeting friends - especially if he opts to do the extra Monday night visit to his relatives - might be the way forward.

It's a tricky one. Since he's retired he's developed a lot of new interests and there's the issue of how we balance leading our own lives with some togetherness.

But I've been giving him a lot of support lately in terms of finding a care home for his father who is becoming increasingly frail. Perhaps I don't fell that I'm getting quite enough back.

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