How do I stop being the evil stepmother?

[NorfolkAndAround]

My OH had a fling during the early days of our relationship with an ex and she became pregnant. Before the baby was born me and OH moved out of the country (This was planned long before and for OH's work). Through OH's family OH still communicated with DSS and saw him at Christmas. I would go to my own family so wouldn't see DSS. However when OH spoke to him on Skype ect I would always join in.
Now we are back in the UK and OH sees DSS every week. I try hard with DSS and we take him places and do nice things with him. However after we take him back to his mum's there is always a laundry list of things I have done wrong. Never OH. Just me. I find this incredibly hurtful as obviously the situation is far from ideal and I have suffered a lot mentally from what happened (Obviously DSS is not to blame but OH cheating and various complications have had an impact) but I have tried so hard to make DSC feel at home with us.
I have tried to speak to his mum but she makes it difficult. She doesn't reply to texts and face to face she just ignores I exist if we happen to be in the same room.
I'm worried that DSS doesn't like me because of what she says about me. AIBU to think I will never be good enough for her child in her eyes?

Ex is trying to split you and your OH up. End of story

Are you serious? Ex is fucked off that her child's dad is such a fucking shit, only she has to be nice about him so her son can have a relatioship with his (twatty) dad. She owes OP nothing, and probably thinks its all half her fault.

EX is not the one in the wrong here!

These songs lists of things that you do wrong? How do you get to hear about them? From her? Or your SS?

Why would you want to be with a man who abandons a child?

EX is not the one in the wrong here!

But she was the OW as the OP was in a relationship with her Ex. Therefore she does share responsibility.

But she was the OW as the OP was in a relationship with her Ex. Therefore she does share responsibility

Are you sure about that? OP's dude is a known liar, it's entirely possible she thinks that OP was the OW, and she was the GF. He was seeing both of them at the same time, so who knows what he told them?

Seems like arsehole of excuse for a man is carrying tales, either from son or XP, and causing trouble. He knows this will cause trouble. He enjoys it I suspect.

In your shoes, OP I'd just take a step back from the child. I wouldn't ignore him obviously but I'd be making sure his dad was doing everything with him and I would do something separately while the child is round. But no doubt she'd then complain her child was upset as the wicked step mother was ignoring her baby.

Good luck. I don't see how this ends well. He lied once, who knows if he hasn't lied about his lie.

If Ex didn't know about you and your DH didn't break up with her properly (you know how some men are wishy washy - saying we need to break up then turning up a few days later). She could be the victim here, led to believe there was still hope in their relationship and OP either an unknown or your role being played down massively (someone he went out with once). She could still believe you were the OW that broke up their relationship.

You need to know if this is even remotely a possibility, and your DH needs to set her straight. And he has to man up and start defending you. I know lots of separately families, lots where mum doesn't really like step-mum but they know they need to keep their mouth shut unless there is actually a real issue.

Personally, I have the up most respect and admiration for mothers who can be friends with the step mothers of their children. It has to be really hard to do but be the absolute best thing for their kids. I also massively respect the many mums I know who fake it so well! I hope you get there!

The Ex is probably is not blameless. We don't know if she was or wasn't aware the DH was in a relationship. If she was, then she should have predicted that the DH would not stay with her and I have no sympathy for her. I feel sorry for the child the most.

What's on the list?
Really no one can make a judgement without that crucial info.

My first ever ltb.