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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Take This Job?

23 replies

JiminnyCricket · 09/09/2017 21:20

I'm in a bit of a tail spin and I could really do with some advice Sad

I have GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) and made a mistake at work. It wasn't a big deal but if it had escalated it would have counted as misconduct and I would have been disciplined formally. It was a genuine mistake, I came clean straight away and I was completely honest. It didn't escalate, it was all sorted out and it's now gone away completely.

However, when it all kicked off I panicked and applied for a lot of jobs in my field. A couple of days later I got replies and a few interviews.

One interview was for a job a fair few levels above my current role and for £35k a year, I'm currently on £26k so it was a pretty big jump (I'm up north and only 26 years old so it's a lot of money to me)

I decided I had nothing to lose so I went to the interview. Long story short, I got offered the job on the spot and the lady interviewing me was super super excited about my interview and technical knowledge etc. I liked the environment and it's a great opportunity.

I currently drive an hour to work every day, the new job requires a 30 min drive then 40 minutes on the train so not much difference there.

In the meantime, I'm supposed to be getting married in April but FiL2b isn't going to live that long so we're having to move the wedding forward to October/ beginning of November. We found out about his prognosis the same day I found out I got this job.

So now my anxiety has kicked in because I've got too much in my head and I can't separate my fear over FiL and sadness for DP from my anxiety over changing jobs and general stress of the whole situation.

Part of me wants to turn the job down (I sign the contract on Monday) but the other part recognises I might not get this opportunity again and certainly not for a long time.

The other thing: I have 4 years at my current company and would get 6 months full paid maternity. DP and I were planning on trying for a baby straight after we get married but obviously that would now need to wait a couple of years now the wedding is moving forward and with me planning to change jobs. We can't afford for me to go on maternity leave unless we save as I'm the main earner.

I realise this is a lovely dilemma to have and I'm incredibly lucky to have this option to move jobs to a significant step up, but the other stuff is really confusing matters and I just don't know what to do?

Do I take the job and stop worrying?

Is anxiety in this situation normal or is this a result of the GAD and I should try and use my CBT to get my head around it?

Is the timing just really awful and actually anyone would turn it down with everything else that's going on?

Argh.

OP posts:
BikeRunSki · 09/09/2017 21:25

Take it and stop worrying.

ClandestineAdulation · 09/09/2017 21:26

The timing obviously isn't great but this sounds like a good opportunity for you.

You do have a lot going on though if you think the pros outweigh the cons, and you can deal with it, then go for it. If I was in your position, I think I would do it.

The anxiety is normal, but GAD would make it worse. Use your CBT and make the best decisions for you; talk it through with your friends/family. Congrats on the job offer and good luck!

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 09/09/2017 21:26

Take the job!

I get very anxious with change (I have aspergers) and can majorly over think things and I need to plan and get everything straight in my head or I feel very disorientated, but this is a fantastic opportunity to earn 9k more straight off at a young age. You are also young enough that putting off children for a few years won't hurt you at all. I had my first at 26 then second at 29 and among the mums at school in my eldests class, I am one of the younger ones. Most of my friends are now in their 40's or nearing 40 and I'm mid 30's.

The job sounds great, go for it! Once everything settles down, you may kick yourself for not going for it. Try separating the various stressors and dealing with them individually.

KityGlitr · 09/09/2017 21:28

Oh definitely take the job! That's amazing. Your partner might want to wait a while to try for baby too if he's just suffered a loss of a parent. Have you asked your partner how he'd feel about delaying a baby for this job?

Don't let your gad get in the way of such a positive life move. You'll be much more settled financially when a baby comes along on a better wage too.

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 09/09/2017 21:29

Once everything settles down, you may kick yourself for not going for it

This is a big thought I have at the moment, I'm both afraid of change and also afraid of regretting not changing, anxiety is a cunt sometimes!

OP posts:
KityGlitr · 09/09/2017 21:29

Just curious though, you mentioned CBT. Have you had it? Cos seeking reassurance to ease your anxious worries is something that maintains anxiety in the long run. Wasn't sure if you were aware of that. If you are aware and chose to post here anyway then fair enough, but if you haven't actually had CBT I'd massively recommend it so you can learn more healthy long term coping strategies for your gad.

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 09/09/2017 21:33

Yep, having CBT and I'm aware this isn't reccomended, but I'm not at the stage yet where i can recognise normal, justified anxiety from GAD, irrational anxiety and so I sometimes need to just sense check against external voices. This is usually DP and MiL but for obvious reasons I can't ask them for help right now with something this trivial in the grand scheme of things. I have a f2f CBT session on Thursday next week but I kind of need to get this straight before then!

OP posts:
Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 29/09/2017 16:27

Hey, just thought I'd update the thread:

So initially due to timing etc, I turned the job down. I explained the situation and why etc and then I got an email 20 minutes later from the MD who offered to keep the job open for me until things settled down Shock

I said thank you and it's very generous etc then didn't speak to them for a couple of weeks. In the meantime, the dust settled and I had time to really think about what I wanted etc.

Long story short, I called them last week to say i wanted to accept the position and signed my contract today :)

I've asked if I can start in January (new year, new start) so I've got time after the wedding (29th October!) to settle into being married and support DP with his Dad etc before any more major changes happen.

I'm still anxious about it, but the decision to be brave and jump in to something new has been a turning point for me really.

So thanks for the advice folks! Grin

OP posts:
SingingMySong · 29/09/2017 16:45

I've just read your OP and was thinking "take the job!". What a lovely update. Congratulations and best of luck with it, it sounds like you are just the person for them.

Yes to the CBT. There is a lot going on emotionally so it's perfectly natural that your anxiety will be high, but you have a good tool there to help you manage it.

Depending on your contract you may find you don't have to wait years before trying for a family, if that's what you want. You are young though, you have time on your side.

AnneOfCleavage · 29/09/2017 17:10

Congratulations on the new job. With the increase of wage it will probably equate to the same as 6 months mat leave anyway so I wouldn't let that stop you trying for a baby unless you don't want to get pregnant so soon after starting a new job. A month until you get married so congrats on that too and have a wonderful day Smile

AGrinWithoutACat · 29/09/2017 20:27

Congrats 😀. Was reading through thinking take the job so really pleased with your update (ps if you put aside your pay rise each month it won't take long to save to cover for mat leave - I did this when 4 weeks in to an unexpected pregnancy and new job was offered)

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 02/10/2017 16:22

So I handed in my notice today and now I'm even more confused.

My current manager has asked what it would take to get me to stay, so I told him what the new company are offering me and he's going to try and get me the same package in my current role...

Argh.

Thing is, I'm kind of excited about the new job now and geared myself up for it.. wwyd?

OP posts:
Moanyoldcow · 02/10/2017 16:30

Wow!! What a great situation to be in!

I'd see what the counter offer is. If they can match salary and role progression then the maternity benefits would make it hard for me not to stay.

But if the offer isn't a real change then I'd move on as you're obviously excited about the new challenge.

BIWI · 02/10/2017 16:33

Don't you think it's a bit odd that they didn't think about offering you a bigger salary/better benefits until now? I'd say they don't really rate or respect you as much as your prospective new employer, who sounds like they really want you to work for them!

I'd take the new job.

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 02/10/2017 19:31

I think I want to take the new job, I'm so excited about it and it's definitely time to move on.

OP posts:
Kailoer · 02/10/2017 19:35

Do not accept the offer from your current employer

They should have recognised you earlier if they wanted to keep you

The only reason they're working out a matching offer is because they know you were undervalued and it suited them, and now they have to recruit and pay the new start the going market rate

Too little too late!

Allthebestnamesareused · 02/10/2017 19:53

Take the new job. The old employer probably had recognised your worth and were happy to keep underpaying you until you mentioned it. Also going forward each time over the next few years you were due a pay review they would probably say but you had a £9k rise last year/2 years ago and not authorise further increases for a while whereas the new place would just do the review from the base of £35k because that's where you started.

whirlyswirly · 02/10/2017 19:58

Yes yes ^^

Exactly that happened to me once. Huge rise one year and then I had to threaten to leave again after they wouldn't up my pay several months after I'd actually been promoted.

SingingMySong · 03/10/2017 00:18

I agree with PPs. You're unlikely to get much progression if you stay and your salary may well stagnate because you've had the big rise.

Also the thing of finding a new job and using it to leverage for more money (I know that's not what you intended but if you accept your current employer's offer, that's what you'll have done)... you can only get away with it once or so without starting to look manipulative.

Italiangreyhound · 03/10/2017 00:37

Whatever happens, good luck.

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 03/10/2017 08:54

Yep, I'm taking the new job. I felt good when i handed in my notice and I'm thinking that's a sign it's time to go!

OP posts:
Gammeldragz · 03/10/2017 08:59

Yay Jim! What a year for you, eh? Glad you're taking the job. Best of luck.
PS - we miss you! Flowers
Ragz x

Original poster
JiminnyCricket · 03/10/2017 09:01

Ragz!!

Indeed a year and then some!

OP posts:
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