Major trust issues

[user1483964745]

My boyfriend did some stuff at very beginning of us dating that still plays on my mind. He went on 2 dates with other people and had a one night stand. One of these girls tried to start on me a month after he told me as well. The rational side of me says to get over it - we weren't together and he could do what he wanted. But looking back we were instantly close - we spent most nights together, we texted all day from maybe a week in, and he introduced me to his friends after 3 weeks. I always wonder, what was I doing when he was doing this? Was he texting me on the dates? He told me the truth about 5 months in to clear the air but since then I've become really insecure. I feel like he could lie really easily. I've never been insecure in relationships. Around the same time as this I got the implant so I don't know if that's fucked with my emotions. I feel like I'm waiting to be told he's cheated. I'm at a loss at what to do - I love him, and the rational side of me tells me to start over thinking it, but I don't know what to do. aibu to be so paranoid ?

How long have you been together now?

I wouldn't take it as a slur on how he felt for you and he was just hedging his bets, once you were 'together' together he seems to sorted himself out and came clean about your early days.

Is your feeling of being settled with him making you want to protect yourself a bit by not letting yourself trust him 100%? (if that makes sense) I can understand that, you're kind of anxious about not being anxious, which is a difficult one to deal with.

You could decide to let it go and if he is up to anything then worry about it if it happens, otherwise just take whatever you have together at face value?

We've been together just under a year. I hate that I feel like this, he's done nothing to make me doubt him since but it sticks in my head - the one night stand particularly. When i went on the implant we had Sti checks (all clear) but I remember him making out if we had one it was from me - as he had been in a LTR before that. That level of lying concerns me. It's ruining everything I want the paranoid thoughts to fuck off - people do what they want so waiting for it isn't going to do me any good but i can't seem to shake it

Only from where I'm standing of course but I would take the guilt he felt and telling you about it as a good sign.

Not sure about the trying to blame any sti's on you though, did he out and out lie saying he hadn't been with anyone else or just imply it?

To my mind that would make a difference, as well as whether he's always trying to shift the blame for things onto you or whether that was unusual for him.

How you behave at the beginning of a relationship doesn't always mean that's How You Are 100% of the time.

The question you need to ask yourself maybe is whether you'd be happier without him. If you don't think you would be then accept this as part of your history together, and unless anything else comes up relax and force your mind onto other things?

(have to say though that I'd never trust anyone completely, it is possible to live with that and be content, no need to see it as ruining everything )

I can see why you're upset, but to be honest you have no right to be regarding his behaviour before you made it official. You were both free. It's uncomfortable to think of someone doing stuff with others as it feels like it taints those wonderful early days i guess, but you weren't together so it's down to you to move past it or end it if you can't.

The STI lie on the other hand is very bad, that was actually a lie. He'd have rather let you think you passed on an STI if anything came back than be honest about the fact he'd slept with others when he had every right to. He sounds like a snake. I couldn't forgive that. Liars don't change.

You were both free and having sex without being in a relationship. YABU

The STI thing would bother me too. It's a weird thing to say because even in a long term relationship he could have caught an STI if his partner had cheated.
On the other hand, it's not unusual for a man to accuse his girlfriend of cheating when he's been cheating himself.
So his remark about the STI would bother me more than the dates and one night stand that happened before you were exclusive.