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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was this sexist of the cleaning company?

32 replies

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 09:51

We've been in touch with a cleaning company about hiring a cleaner for our house once a week. They struggled to find someone for our preferred start date/ day of the week. Then they emailed to ask "would you mind a male cleaner? If not, we have someone who can start on this day".

My first reaction was of course I don't mind a male cleaner, as long as they do the job I don't care what sex they are. Then I started to second guess myself...

Were they being sexist or should I actually be wary of a male cleaner?!

OP posts:

SendintheArdwolves · 09/09/2017 09:58

I don't think they were being sexist - they were dealing with you (a female) and they asked if you would feel comfortable with a male in your house. Some people would, some people wouldn't. Just like when the doctor asks you if you would like a nurse present for a smear test - if you say yes, it's not because you're openly accusing the doctor of professional misconduct.

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 10:01

I hadn't thought of that. I'm not going to be in though when the person is cleaning and they knew that so I wonder if that was really the reason they asked - I assumed it was the assumption that some people might make that men aren't as good at cleaning as women.

OP posts:

Trills · 09/09/2017 10:02

Were they being sexist or should I actually be wary of a male cleaner?!

Neither. It's odd that you've jumped from one extreme to another here.

It doesn't have to be the case that you should be wary of a male cleaner.

It only has to be the case that many customers would prefer a woman, for it to be sensible for them to ask.

blackteasplease · 09/09/2017 10:03

I always think cleaning is one of the tasks that men are better suited to as it is so physical and they are stronger. That and caring for toddlers.

Her0utdoors · 09/09/2017 10:08

Nice one Blackteasplease :+)

Trills · 09/09/2017 10:09

Men are on average taller which helps when clearing cobwebs.

SendintheArdwolves · 09/09/2017 10:11

I assumed it was the assumption that some people might make that men aren't as good at cleaning as women

What????

Umm, no I really don't think it had anything to do with that! So you thought that the company was saying "well, we don't have any of our best (ie female) cleaners available, but would you be prepared to accept one of our Beta Grade/substandard model (ie male) cleaners instead?"

In the nicest possible way, OP, it sounds like you're the one making sexist assumptions

Bluntness100 · 09/09/2017 10:14

assumed it was the assumption that some people might make that men aren't as good at cleaning as women

What?? Why would you assume that, that's your own prejudice showing right there.

It would be because some people don't want a man in their house. Rightly or wrongly so they will always ask as probably some peoplr didn't want a male cleaner.

TheStoic · 09/09/2017 10:14

Plenty of people wouldn't want a male they didn't know in their house. It was a sensible question.

SendintheArdwolves · 09/09/2017 10:16

I'm not going to be in though when the person is cleaning and they knew that so I wonder if that was really the reason they asked

Some people might feel awkward about having a man in their home if they weren't there - especially if they might be going to do laundry which would include underwear or clean bathrooms which might include sanpro.

Some people don't like having tradesmen/handymen in their house unsupervised - it's nothing to do with the gendered nature of their work but more to do with feeling a vague unease that the man might look at their knicker drawer or find their vibrator or something. (Or in the case of some MN threads, use their lavatory, which some people find outrageous).

Idontevencareanymore · 09/09/2017 10:18

I'd imagine a lady that had endured some kind of trauma at the hands of a male would prefer a female cleaner, and it's probably just a standard question they ask.

I'd have not thought it's about ability at all.

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 10:19

Hmmm... Ok BUT when we had double glazing put in no one asked "are you ok with a male glazier?" When we had our bathroom fitted no one asked "do you mind a male plumber?" Both situations the same - mostly they would have access to the house without me being there apart from to let them in.

So why is it a reasonable question to ask of a cleaner and not of a plumber?

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2017 10:21

So why is it a reasonable question to ask of a cleaner and not of a plumber?

There is underlying sexism there in that people usually assume a plumber is a man and a cleaner is a woman.

JigglyTuff · 09/09/2017 10:21

Men are statistically more likely to be violent and commit crime than women.

But I don't suppose they're thinking about that. I think it's sexism, yes.

MrsOverTheRoad · 09/09/2017 10:23

Cleaning is silghtly different than plumbing because a cleaner might be going into your bedroom/sorting your laundry.

Cleaning is a much more personal service than plumbing.

JeReviens · 09/09/2017 10:25

Crikey you ARE tying yourself up in knots about this aren't you OP? Seriously - stop trying to make issues where none exist. Are you unwell or not coping in some way?

Trills · 09/09/2017 10:27

I don't think it's about it being a personal service, I think it's about the assumptions.

Plumbers are assumed male unless stated otherwise. Cleaners are assumed female unless stated otherwise.

If you wanted a female plumber you would ask for one specifically, or go to a company that specialises in them. Nobody would be surprised that their plumber was male.

When booking a cleaner, the company has almost certainly dealt with people who were surprised to get a male cleaner, and so they tell you in advance.

SendintheArdwolves · 09/09/2017 10:27

So why is it a reasonable question to ask of a cleaner and not of a plumber?

Several reasons:

Cleaning a house is a more intimate job that double glazing/plumbing. Your cleaner's actual job is to go through your stuff, whereas a plumber's job is to fix the pipes. A plumber doesn't come into contact with dirty laundry, letters, loose change, photographs, etc.
Most cleaners work on an ongoing basis, not a short-term one. This is someone who is coming to your home regularly, rather than to fix a one-off problem, so it is more important that you feel comfortable with them.

*There is a lack of choice with the more traditionally "manly" jobs - it would be pointless for firm to ask "do you mind a male plumber?" if they have no female plumber to offer if you say yes.

There has been a rise in all-female tradespeople recently for exactly this reason - many women would prefer not to let a strange man into their house. I would strongly prefer a female plumber/handyperson, but they are harder to find. So I my choices are (often) to let a make into my home or to have my plumbing go unfixed.

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 10:29

Thats my point. They asked if I am ok with a male cleaner. Not a male in my house (I happen to have a male in my house most of the time - he's my husband). If it was about that, why wasn't I asked about a male plumber etc?
So - whether the assumption presumed was that men won't do as good a job as cleaning or that men are violent criminals - the company were being sexist to ask. Which was what I was asking in my OP really.

OP posts:

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 10:30

JeReviens - ha, no I'm good thanks.
Just thought it was an interesting question. If you don't agree no worries, there a tonnes of threads on here.

OP posts:

Mummaofboys · 09/09/2017 10:30

I used to have a male cleaner, he did a far better job than my now female one, he really scrubbed and wiped everything with force so it looked so shiny! Some people wouldn't like a male cleaner if they are elderly or been around abusive men so I don't think it's wrong of them to ask if you minded rather than just send the guy around.

Original poster

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 09/09/2017 10:31

Yeah I get the point about it being more intimate. Good point, hadn't thought of that. He isn't doing any laundry though but yes would be going in bedrooms.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 09/09/2017 10:33

The "more intimate" thing is a red herring. There would be no reason to ask if people didn't assume a cleaner would be female.

Trills · 09/09/2017 10:34

I agree with PurpleDaisies

This company has, in the past, sent a male cleaner to someone who was surprised and unhappy.

Because we assume that cleaners are female.

So now they ask people if they are OK with a male cleaner.

The situation does not arise with plumbers because we already assume that plumbers are male.

TheStoic · 09/09/2017 10:44

So - whether the assumption presumed was that men won't do as good a job as cleaning or that men are violent criminals - the company were being sexist to ask.

No they're weren't.

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