To be really upset and feel so isolated

[cailisto]

I'm sat here trying very hard not to cry in front of my children.

In pre-kids life, I obviously had the freedom to go out pretty much as/when I wanted with my friends and there was a group of us who used to go out a lot. It was lovely!

Since having children, we've still gone out (but not as much) and one of us moved away.

So, imagine how I felt when I looked on bloody Facebook today to see them all out (including the one who moved away) on a jolly old night out locally.

No one had texted/messaged me and as far as I was aware, everything was all fine between us all.

I feel like shit and really don't know how to handle this one.

Why don't you organise/initiate a night out?

It definitely sounds like one of them is being an arse. I would just say that you would have loved to go but had no idea, I think by saying you must have missed a message gives them ammo to use that as an excuse

Part of me would love to organise a night out but then the other part really doesn't want to! (Think I don't want to get hurt)

Also - whole point of last night was to celebrate the brief visit of the one who moved away. Can't really do that again!!!

I think your 20.48 post is the perfect comment to reply with!

I agree with the 20:48 reply, I think if someone's saying sorry you couldn't make it out, it means someone told them you couldn't make it out.

yes, i agree 20.48 post excellent. what an awful thing to do. this is why i hate Facebook. i know that horrible gutted feeling well.

Why do they 'exclude' someone for what ever reason then rub their noses in it on FB? I never understand this !

Agreed, the 20.48 post is perfect. They have hurt your feelings, don't be afraid to call them on it x

That's shitty. Been there also. Bit epic but I've not written about it in 3 years and it will be cathartic so forgive me!

There were 4 of us. I moved away (though not so far and I always made an effort to go down at weekends etc) 3 out of the 4 of us had DC's.

For background- I used to send the other DC's a Xmas/Birthday card with a fiver in. My DC received nothing but I though "well, I don't give to receive etc"

One had her 40th birthday so, as usual, I sent a card. Heard nothing about a meal/party whatever. About a month after the birthday I arranged to visit for the evening at one of the houses. One of them was going to be absent as she had a newborn (of note also- I sent some flowers for her after the birth and sent a present for the baby)All was going ok, having a catch up when the 40yr old pulled out her phone and showed me some pictures of her, yup, birthday party. I kind of looked at them feeling awkward etc but said how nice the venue looked etc. To which she said "Oh it was great, you'd have loved it" Ummm WTF??

I was so flummoxed I froze, didn't say anything. Just sipped my wine quietly. After a while the conversation turned to outfits, what was so and so wearing etc. It dawned veeerrryyyy slowly on me that they were talking about an event that was happening the following Saturday. And it quickly became apparent that it was for the newborns christening I asked if this was the case and they confirmed it. I mumbled about wanting to know the date so I could send a present etc but felt extremely embarrassed and upset. I left not long after.

I did send a christening card/present. After I'd got over the initial upset I thought "Well maybe I'm being precious/unreasonable. Perhaps it's a small affair, small church, family, close friends etc. The pictures were put on FB and it was held at.......St Pauls Cathedral. With about 400 guests. So I figured I didn't even make it into the top 200 kind of thing. It stung.

So (sorry it's long) it's been since 2014 and I've not sent one card for birthday/Xmas, nor interacted with them in any way via FB/Text or anything. I wanted to see if they would notice to be honest. I know I could have deleted/blocked them but I was curious. Nobody has said anything. And it's kind of gone on so long now (!) that I'll still not delete.

FWIW I have a very rounded life and lots of other friends, different circles in case anyone thinks I'm a bit stalkerish

Not sure either if any of them are on MN, if so this is very outing! Wonder if any of them will be in touch......

OP I hope you do call them out as it's probably what I should have done 3 years ago

I would say "I didnt know anything about it"

Yes this happened to me. When I said I would have loved to have come along and felt upset at being left out, I was told that I should have phoned one of them but they had all clearly phoned one another to organise something.

The worst part was the fact that most of them had been in my house the night before having a few drinks.

It sucks op. I suggest sending the message suggested by pp.

I'd be tempted to text back 'No, I totally was free today, I just did not know about it' and see what they say. Doesn't seem like you have much to lose!

I'd probably private message rather than comment. But only because I wouldn't want anything like that playing out for the world to see!

I wish I knew why folk do this. It's happening to me right now and it's shite.

Huge hugs to everyone who has had this done and especially to those going through it.

Shakey, that's absolutely shitty. People are such arses.

Did they ever respond to you op? Sounds very shitty. I've been there too and it really shows you who friends are.

The responses I've had have been very minimal. No one has said 'oops, we forgot' and I've got the distinct impression that one of them told the others that I couldn't make it.
I've got my suspicions, but I've not had enough proof.
If they'd just all forgotten or each thought that someone else had told me then I think I'd be a lot less angry.