Digging up the past?

[damedrama]

I've also posted in 30 days only but wanted to post here for some replies (I've NC so not linked to any other posts)

Has anyone had counselling later in life/years after an event?

Something significant happened to me when I was 14 years old which I've never really dealt with. I was offered counselling at the time but never took it up and it's something I often wish I did. I told one person about it at the time who was also young and went along with it. My mum found out a few weeks after by finding a hospital letter in my school bag. Although we've never really spoken about it in detail. Sometimes I think about what I went through on my own at such a young age and I just cry for myself. I want to talk about it without fear of being judged.

I'm sure it's probably affected me as an adult but I don't know how (if that makes any sense at all?!)

Would I be silly to get some counselling/talking therapy and risk bringing back some very difficult feelings/emotions or should I let it go as like I said I'm not sure entirely how it has affected me other than making me feel sad sometimes?

One way it has affected me as an adult is that I find it difficult to form meaningful friendships.

At the time I didn't tell any friends because I was embarrassed/ashamed and didn't want gossip about me flying around the school. This then led me to think that they aren't 'true' friends because they don't know this thing about me and I've kept it from people. Consequently this has carried on through my adult life and the only person that really knows me and what happened to me is my partner.

I don't know. Sometimes I just feel like I need to talk about it.

You can definitely add should talk to someone about this. Especially without being judged.

Get the wheels in motion

From your post it sounds like you are hurting now. Unless you deal with this trauma in some way you will continue to be affected by the past. There are trained professionals out there who may be able to help you through this process. Something bad happened to you at a very young age when you didn't have the capacity to deal with at the time. Please don't feel silly about contacting someone to talk to now.

@Babyitscoldouts1de You're exactly right. It does still affect me now. I know this because I cried this morning when I posted this and again when I read your reply.

It just feels a bit weird for me. I just feel very sorry for myself and I don't like feeling like that

Do it. It might not make a massive difference but it can make you feel lighter just to offload that shit onto someone else.

Yes i think it is worth looking at some therapy or counselling, if it affects you still (which it obviously does).

I think secrest grow in our minds.
We think no-one would really like me if they really knew this thing about me.

Sharing in a safe place releases the secret, and somehow takes its power away.

I think finding someone to talk it through with would be very helpful.

Absolutely go.
Talking to my therapist he said that lots of people are very good a repressing things in their early years without thinking it affects them.
Only as you become older and more self aware do you realise they have massively affected you.
To even get to the stage where you realise you might need to talk to someone about this shows that you are a self aware and that's a massive positive.
I would say if you do talk to someone make sure they are right for you, if it isn't working find someone else. Don't stick it out for ages with someone who isn't helping you out of guilt! (Like me)
Good luck op

Without a doubt, find a good psychotherapist or counsellor. I went when I was 40 + and she helped healed the hurt I had been carrying around for years. Sometimes, she'd say something I hadn't even thought about and I would just cry and cry. I can't begin to tell you how differently I feel towards people now. (In a positive way). Something I did some time ago (I read it in a book) was to write a letter to myself as a little girl from the adult I am now. It was very therapeutic. Just in case it helps, I bought a book called Growing Up Again and it was so helpful. I still dip in and out now and again. It helps makes sense of any 'uneven parenting'. Good luck x

@Trampoline11 Thank you

@Worriedrose Thank you