Was IBU to completely blank ExH's new GF in the playground?

[Borninatrap]

I'm feeling quite bad about it now.

ExH (in his infinite wisdom) is seeing a mum from school whose 2DC's are in DD and DS's classes respectively. He's chose to not tell me and I didn't know until summer when my DD said they'd had a sleepover at their house. He brushed off my concern about establishing close friendships between the DC's because 'it's nothing serious' (his words).

At both pick ups I've done this week she has tried to catch my eye and instructed her DC's to say hello to my DC's. I have stood there waiting for my DC's to reply and then chivvied them along but not engaged with her at all.

This is not because there's any jealousy or bitterness from me but because it's so awkward. ExH was extremely abusive, physically and financially. Police involvement, I had to leave our home and had to have a referral to social care and a multi agency emergency meeting.

ExH has about 40% contact with DC's as he was deemed no risk to them and tbh I was too scared to question it as he's the kind of person who could destroy me if I challenge him and the DC's love him an awful lot.

So, I feel utterly awkward around this mum because she obviously doesn't know about why we broke up (I kept it very quiet, only 1 mum from school knows the full story and she is a very close friend). I don't want to tell her. If I do it would be like poking a bear with a stick and we have an uneasy truce and I've pieced my life back together and I can't go to war with EX-H. I know some if you will say I have a duty to let her know but I honestly think it would compromise my safety if I do.

I just can't engage with her. A mixture of guilt and fear I guess. AIBU? I feel really anxious and unsettled after today's pick up.

Put your best armoured smile on and say pleasant hello and good bye. You don't have to do anything more than that.

When my exh started a new relationship I made the effort to be polite to her. She had my dc eow so it made sense. . He wasn't too happy but sucked it up. Never let on to her about him but she soon realised I wasn't the fruit loop he had made out.
He got his commupance in time when a swinging party went wrong and she married his mate!! Make him sweat and make the effort. . You were innocent of his shit once. .

You don't need to tell her or have a conversation. Just smile and say hello otherwise it's you making it awkward, regardless of anything else she is another parent at your dcs school, just treat her as that

I absolutely agree. Polite, that's it as you would be if ex-DH had started any relationship.

Alas, you know this mans form. It isn't your job to tell her.

Agree. Polite disinterest. No reason to go further than a hello.
A lot of abusers can be quite the charmers. Not letting yourself react to him over this will probably wind him up as it's the sort of thing that sounds like attention seeking.

Okay. Polite and disinterested. I can do that. I have just pretended not to know who she is until now but I can manage a hello. Let's hope she has better boundaries than me and works him out much earlier.

TSS thank you for saying it isn't my job. I don't want that job and I really feel like it isn't my place.