Hiding upstairs as STBX acts like he owns the joint

[ffsetc]

Name changed for this.

Amicable divorce is well underway. We're staying in house while he already has another place 100 miles away. (STBX has a girlfriend.)

STBXH arranged tickets for a sports event for DD's birthday (which was last week) and told me he'd pick her up today and they'd go off as they're staying at hotel near stadium tonight.

I text to ask what plan was at 11this morning and he said 'nearly there'. WTAF? DD doesn't get out of school till 3.30.

Anyway, in the spirit of amicability I made him a cuppa when he got here and carried on working at the kitchen table. Was too busy to chat much. So far he has:

Stood in front of open fridge, sniffing milk, tutting, pouring down sink. Sighing there was 'nothing he fancied' for lunch.

Changed telly channels to Sky Sports.

Taken a newspaper to the loo and was in there a good 20 minutes. Skid.

Lectured me about never returning stuff bought online because he saw a Zara box on the side. Explained I only received it at 9am.

Fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for DD. Farted. Snored.

I am now upstairs seething. When he asked where I was off to I calmly explained this wasn't his house anymore and if he carried on twatting around I'd get the locks changed.

I don't want us to be cold and frosty when we do have to meet for DD swap but AIBU in thinking he can fuck right off?!

Of course not! I get the need to be amicable but it's your house now, not his. I wouldn't tolerate a guest behaving like that, let alone an ex I'd split up with! Next time tell him to get a hotel

I think you are fairly reasonable for not smothering him as he slept, a paragon of restraint.

Urgh. He is acting like it is still his home. I take it he doesn't have keys. If not then next time text him "Oh, I didn't realise you were coming here first. Unfortunately I am out and won't be back. School pick up is at 3.30. Hope you enjoy your evening." Let him knock around killing time for a few hours as a lesson in being more specific with his plans.

At least make him clean the skiddy... then tell him to fuck off

He needs boundaries. Be quite polite but firm. Perhaps a text saying that in order for you both to focus on what's best for DD, helping her to see a funtioning post divorce friendship where you both respect each others boundaries?.
Or be blunt. Tell him he's invading you and mooching around like he still lives there. He needs to move on.

I think you have been remarkably restrained.

He does still have a key, hence the lock change threat.

At least you now know that this arrangment won´t work for the future.

Change the locks.

Oh bloody hell that would annoy me.

You did very well to keep so calm.

After my exh moved out twenty wonderful years ago, he would turn up at all sorts of times just to piss me off - could be 8.30 in the morning or 10.30 at night - because apparently it was his house and he could access it, with his key, whenever he liked.

I ended up insisting that the house be sold and buying something that only had my name on the deeds, it was less hassle.

Pogsdofly that is the best idea. Probs going to go that way

Mine had a key till the divorce and I got the house
Then locks were changed

Whooppee!

THEYVE ONLY JUST GONE. Kissed DD goodbye. Grunted at him. Will be strategic about their return tomorrow and probably pretend we're due somewhere so he just goes.

Change the locks.

Just because he still has a legal interest doesn't mean it is still his home...

TBH I'd change the lock and turn him away at the door "not convenient now, come back at the agreed time"

Thanks everyone for your reply. I am now watching Gogglebox with a cold wine and trying to enjoy my first night off parenting forever. Cheers to you all

Sounds like he's not as happy with his new life and was feeling nostalgic about his old one with you. Love the unsolicited advice as well - how you didn't accidentally stab him, I don't know.

Is he pissing in the corners and rubbing his scent glands on the sofa? A good hard tap on the nose with a newspaper and a stern, "NO, BAD STBXH" should sort that out. Maybe a spray bottle for extreme cases.

MrsTP

I know he's got an interest in the house, but now that he has another place, this house isn't his main residence, and I thought I read somewhere that in this case you could change the locks?

Sorry, I missed that bit about the keys. I would definitely change the locks.

MrsTP

Skid mark - really!! I'd have sent him straight back in there with some cleaning materials. I hope you didn't let him back in

Ring the girlfriend (she is such a lucky lady, all that snoring farting and skid marks) and tell her you appreciate he wants to see DD but you really would prefer it if he didn't hang out at your house for hours and sleep on your sofa while DD is at school in future.

I reckon she will make sure he doesn't do it again.