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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this ‘excuse’ is BS

41 replies

4teensandababy · 08/09/2017 17:28

I’ll try and keep it short.

I work in an office, and there is another office location in a different part of the country. Our office facilitates jobs from this other office on their behalf.

There is gentleman at this other office – we’ll call him A. He is relatively new to his role, but has been in the industry for years and is mid-thirties. I am of similar age, female, and have been with the company for a number of years. I am also a manager, although not his manager.

A, seems to be lacking completely in inter-personnel skills. Our roles are such that I have to speak to him on an almost daily basis. He never says please or thank you, and actually demands things are done for him. For example, on one occasion he had a report our company had generated for him. His client needed information from that report, and it would have involved him counting items. It would have taken him about 15 mins or so to get this information. He phoned our office and said “I need to know how many xyz are on this report”. I explained that the information is in the report and he just needs to count it. His response “I don’t have time to do that, you need to do that and give me the figure”. I said “I’m sorry A, I don’t have time for that either, and it’s your client who needs this information”. He then got shitty and demanded to speak with my director (who did put him in place).

This certainly isn’t a one off, and almost daily makes demands that we do things for him, or asks for things without ever actually saying please or thank you. Today he arranged for a third party to deliver goods to our office for him without telling us. We get a phone call from the driver saying he will be here about 6pm (we close at 5pm), and that A should have let us know he was coming. A didn’t. A also didn’t let us know that this is 8 pallets of goods coming into us that needs to be taken off the pallets and re-palletised in the warehouse. I call A, and ask him about this delivery. He says “oh yeah, he will be there about 6.30pm now as he’s stuck in traffic” I explain that he knows we close at 5pm and no-one will be here to accept the delivery. His words “Tough, someone has to be there”. I call my director who is absolutely fuming with A. For the sake of the business, a couple of us are now staying late in order to help out the driver (as it isn’t his fault).

My AIBU is: every time I raise the point about A being rude and arrogant, I always get: “it’s his culture, they always treat women like that”. This royally pisses me off. I don’t care who you are, or where you come from, you should have manners – and you’ll find people are a lot more accommodating of your requests!!!

Ok rant over…………..

OP posts:
lolaflores · 08/09/2017 17:31

Is there some training that HR could organise for him...

Butterymuffin · 08/09/2017 17:31

You'll need to get your director to speak to him. He isn't going to listen to you, and it'll be a good time now that your director's cross with him.

Shoxfordian · 08/09/2017 17:33

His culture? That's a ridiculous excuse

FizzyGreenWater · 08/09/2017 17:37

Speak to your director.

Tell him that you are no longer prepared to take being spoken to like shit by A and ask what steps he wishes to take before you raise a greviance about it. If your director- or others above you - have actually said to you 'they always treat women like that', then that's what you need to be raising holy hell about - their refusal to protect your right to work free from discrimination. Because if you're being spoken to inappropriately and treated badly because of your sex, then that's exactly what it is.

Point out that the far more efficient way to handle this is to sort out A - rather than end up with you putting in a greviance and leaving. End result: good staff member gone, massive HR shitstorm, useless rude A still in place. Does that sound good? No? Then sort out A.

BeBeatrix · 08/09/2017 17:45

My AIBU is: every time I raise the point about A being rude and arrogant, I always get: “it’s his culture, they always treat women like that”

Not acceptable. If your director tells you that, go above his head and complain to the next person up. Useful to have a written list of examples before the complaint though.

OnlyHereForTheFeminists · 08/09/2017 17:51

Make sure you also point out the offensive racist stereotyping of whichever culture A comes from! Ridiculous situation.

pleasingone · 08/09/2017 18:21

Unacceptable. He needs firmly putting in his place. Cultural reason is BS. Everyone should be courteous at work. He doesn't appear to respect the director too.
I think you should speak to HR and also point out a Director appears to be condoning his behaviour.

MissBabbs · 08/09/2017 19:47

I don't know-someone being 'rude and arrogant ' could be interpreted as you being 'over-sensitive'.
You shouldn't have 'helped ' the delivery guy. The fall out from him not being able to make delivery should be landed at the fwerp's desk.

pluck · 08/09/2017 20:52

Don't call him rude and arrogant (although he is). Use instead these very clear-cut examples here of him disrupting the business and costing both time and money (and reputation?). He needs to be managed, then disciplined. None of you can work well with such an unpredictable, unreliable and unco-operative person.

highinthesky · 08/09/2017 21:04

As pluck says, let the facts speak for themselves. If they don't act, then start looking elsewhere and when the time comes be clear about why you're leaving.

If your bosses want A's culture to be one their own and destroy their workforce, that's their lookout.

JaniceBattersby · 08/09/2017 21:15

What is his culture? Caveman?

Runningpear · 08/09/2017 21:18

He's a rude bastard and needs telling. He's treating you like his personal PA. Are you prepared to take it OP?

IdaDown · 08/09/2017 21:46

I think FizzyGreen has used some interesting language.

Lift the post and email your director - that should put a rocket up his arse to sort out 'A'. Also include examples of poor behaviour by 'A' and replies by your director.

If I was your director and I got that email, I'd be shifting that off my desk via HR quicker than a post curry shit.

Alternatively, go straight to HR with 'A's examples and the director's responses. Tell them you no longer have confidence in the dirctor's ability to manage the situation and the direcor's confirmation of sexual apology of behaviour.

Merida83 · 08/09/2017 23:47

“it’s his culture, they always treat women like that”.

this may be deemed acceptable for his personal / social life it is VERY unacceptable in a professional capacity and should never ever be tolerated by any company/employer!

i'd be raising an official complaint that this is allowed and deemed acceptable by your boss! so that both A (the dickhead) and your boss are both educated about how to behave like grown ups in a professional environment!

but i'm old fashioned and think manors matter - no matter who or where you are!

Original poster
4teensandababy · 11/09/2017 14:24

Thanks for the advice MN'ers.

I came into the office this morning ready to have a meeting with my director to discuss it all.

Turns out I don't need to. Our MD (female) was at a company meeting Friday evening where A decided to get incredibly drunk. He also decided to tell the MD how she should be grateful to him for everything he does, and if it weren't for him the company wouldn't survive. He also told her she needs to learn to respect him. She politely told him that she was walking away from him before she said something she regrets.

Cue this morning, and there have been phone calls, emails and goodness knows what between HR, directors & the MD.

Suffice to say A has made a major cock up and royally screwed himself!!

OP posts:
bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox · 11/09/2017 14:32

Excellent update OP. Sometimes it's great to just sit back and watch someone talk their way in to trouble! He sounds like an absolute arse, hope he gets the message from them! If not though please be ready with your complaint...

FizzyGreenWater · 11/09/2017 14:34

Don't sit back.

Now seems to be the ideal time to let the MD herself know that you too have had issues - and their context - and the way they were 'dealt with'.

Another 'strike' against him would be a very useful way for this to not end up with him simply getting a bit of a slapped wrist.

BackieJerkhart · 11/09/2017 14:36

it’s his culture, they always treat women like that”.

So what's your director's excuse for permitting it and making you stay on this evening? Is it his culture to just let men walk over women like that? Obviously the answer is yes. Angry

BackieJerkhart · 11/09/2017 14:41

Just seen your latest post!! 😂😂😂 brilliant. Well done A!! Idiot.

Original poster
4teensandababy · 11/09/2017 14:44

bigfishlittlefishtupperwarebox - Absolutely.

FizzyGreenWater - I certainly let the MD know of all the issues I have with A, with documented examples (including some of his emails).

BackieJerkhart - Director was incredibly grateful I stayed late on Friday, and I have been more than compensated for it. She was also present with the MD when A disgraced himself and now fully realises the extent of his behaviour and that it's not acceptable.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 11/09/2017 14:50

Bye Bye 'A' - which clearly stands for ARSEHOLE Grin

ForgivenessIsDivine · 11/09/2017 14:51

Crickey.... Lovely to hear he has landed flat on his face.

BorisTrumpsHair · 11/09/2017 14:53

oh this is all very brilliant OP!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/09/2017 14:54

Blimey - that's a quick resolution to the situation, hopefully!!

And YWNBU - that IS a shit excuse. Doesn't really matter what his "culture" is, he still has no business talking like that to colleagues, whether below, on a par or above him - basic manners should have taught him that, although he may not have been taught any, of course.

Let's hope he gets moved on.

ReanimatedSGB · 11/09/2017 15:01

Well if his culture is 'Trump-voting southern white douchebro' that is an explanation, if not an excuse.

Glad he is being dealt with.