Charity shop clothes

[holelottachange]

A few months back I commented on my friend's coat. I was being polite , I didn't really think it was that nice! My friend has now offered me that coat. She said she doesn't want me to pay her anything for it as she got it really cheap from a charity shop. I've told her I can't possibly take it but she won't take no for an answer. I hate to say it but the thought of charity shop/ second hand ( third hand in this case) clothing doesn't appeal to me and I don't like the thought of wearing it. Would I be unreasonable to tell her this or shall I just say I'm not keen on that particular coat. The problem is she shops a lot in charity shops and often gives me items from there which I donate straight back. I feel awful doing that but I don't want to come across snobby

I don't understand your aversion to second hand clothes. Do you think they're dirty? You can wash them. Would you borrow clothes from a friend to wear or reuse your older dc's clothes for the younger ones? That's just the same really so it's seems a bit irrational to me!

I think your friend would be put out if you explained you don't like the 'idea' of 2nd hand clothes. Perhaps tell her you don't want anymore clothes, you're trying to streamline your wardrobe? And the coat looked lovely on her but doesn't suit you. That would spare her feelings.

It's tricky if she keeps buying things for you. My mum is terrible for finding me 2nd hand bargains I don't want but I don't have the heart to tell her I don't need an Aztec patterned duvet set for my son's room or another set of bowls.

She is weird.

Why did you comment on it saying you liked it when you didn't? If she had asked you if you liked it I could understand fibbing to be polite but unless I've got it wrong it sounds like you just came out with it? In which case it's understandable why she thinks you might want it?

I always buy second hand but I can see why some people might have issues with it. The point is that the op isn't even fussed about the coat.

Just say it looks nice on her but isn't your style

Why not just say, "I do like the coat but I don't think it would suit me like it suits you. So thanks for the offer but you keep it"

I don't agree with people saying take the coat and then donate it, if she saw it in the shop she might feel hurt that you've gotten rid of her 'gift' to you.

I don't quite know how I feel about second hand clothes. If something is gorgeous then I'd have no problems with it. If it's a basic I'd probably default to cheap but new (not least because they'd have it in my size).

That said, people buying me clothes from a second hand shop would annoy me. I'd like to choose my own clothes thank you.

And just because I compliment someone on something doesn't mean I want it. I tend to compliment people on really elaborate nails - they do look gorgeous, but I like to be able to use my hands! Or I might compliment someone on a really bold dress, but I'd never wear it because I'm a 'fade into the background' kinda gal.

ILost I understand this and I am not normally remotely averse to second hand stuff. I don't really like the charity shop smell. And I can "smell" it even after numerous washings. I would happily wear clothes from a friend.

But in any case, it doesn't matter. The point is the friend is being really irritating. This is as bad as people who try to force alcohol onto teetotallers or food onto dieters and it's REALLY annoying and it isn't about being kind at all.

I've never purchased clothes from a charity shop (did get a nice laptop case though for £3 last year). It's not my first thought when I want something (and I always think charity shops have a funny smell but that's probably a whole other thread).
I just don't fancy the clothes they have, or want second hand stuff so stick to Matt Allens (family joke) Peacocks, M and S and Tesco.
I'm no snob ( got DD a pair of pink stripey dungarees from the toddler jumble sale once as they had Thumper from Bambi on them).

I don't wear second hand clothes and I don't use charity shops/recycle/barely worn/nearly new/preloved shops for furniture or anything. My mum used them when we were kids because we didn't have much money, it was one of my things when I was younger - I swore I wouldn't set foot in a charity shop when I was older. I don't buy expensive clothes now but I'm the first person wearing them and that makes a difference to me - snobby or not I can live with it. In the same way that I'll never touch certain foods again because I had loads of it growing up.
I don't borrow clothes from friends either - just not my thing. My kids usually wear their clothes till they're done sometimes I pass them down or I would give the odd thing my youngest has outgrown to a friend but I know she is happy enough to take them.

Knowing this friend has a tendency to try and push clothes onto you, why did you even comment on her coat in the first place?

"Thanks but no thanks, I doubt I'd wear it".

Yes it seems to be dangerous territory to ever make positive remarks about your friend's clothing. She will turn up the next day clutching the item to give to you and looking pleased she can help.

Perhaps try dropping hints into your conversations? ..I have far too many clothes, I'm really fussy about clothes, I must Marie Kondo my wardrobe etc.

I have learnt to never comment on anything of hers ever again. I thought I was being polite but from now on I will remain neutral. I would definitely wear clothes handed down from an older sister and my dc will inherit their siblings clothes I'm sure. It's just strangers clothes I don't like the thought of wearing

I think this has turned into a new clothes vs 2nd hand clothes debate which misses the point which is your friend's behaviour.

Do you give her a lot of things?
Does she give away things to her other friends?
Maybe by giving you things she wants you to feel indebted to her so she can call in favours later?
Or maybe she thinks you are worse off than her and giving makes her feel good?
Her behaviour does sound a bit controlling. Is she like this about other stuff?

Just be firm and tell her you've gone off it or it doesn't fit properly. And to be honest I think you just need to be straight and tell her you don't want any second hand clothes at all from her so she can save her money.

I would say I'm trying to cut down on clutter in my home and have coats already so no thanks to the coat and would appreciate it if she didn't give you anything more.

Marie Kondo was the person I wanted to mention and couldn't think of the name!

Tell her it's very kind, but you have way too many clothes as it is and have run out of space. With any luck, that gives you an out for any future offers!