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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to seperate my dd from her best friend

38 replies

absolutelynot · 06/09/2017 20:53

my dd5 is a mischievous little madam on occasion but overall, she is a child who likes her behaviour to please but if any issues around her behaviour arise, it is always with the same little girl who happens to be her best friend in school. I voiced this in conversation with school staff in an observational context ie "if she's ever told off it always involves X'....school staff said they were "aware" which I feel was implied they believe that my DD is somewhat led astray.

First day back at school and in a new class. This morning I went through the usual "new rules you need to learn and stick to; remember manners etc etc" but also dropped in "don't go along with X if you know/feel its something others wouldn't like"....what does she do, get told off and X is involved.

2nd day back tomorrow, should I be that mother that already asks them to be seperated?

OP posts:

Branleuse · 07/09/2017 13:16

my mum ALWAYS used to blame my friends for anything naughty I did or any trouble i got into. She could never cope with the idea that it was six of one and half a dozen of the other.

I now have a little girl whose best friend has been discouraged from being friends with her and my dd has found it really difficult. Its really not fair on children.

alltouchedout · 07/09/2017 13:22

Rather than telling your DD to stay away from X, tell your DD to behave properly.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/09/2017 13:25

They weren't "implying" any such thing, op! Honestly; you took from that that your dd is being led astray instead of behaving badly under her own steam? Wonder what the other mum's take on it is.

Bananamama1213 · 07/09/2017 13:28

I've told my 5 year old son why I don't want him playing with a certain boy.

Two reasons...

the boy swears. We are not a sweary family, so my children don't hear that kind of language. When your 5 year old comes home saying "xxxx told me the F word is.." then it's definitely time to speak to the teacher. Which I did the next morning.

That day that I spoke to the teacher.. my son came home saying his finger hurt. Later on that evening his middle finger at the base was blue and swollen. We took him to the drs the next morning, who sent us to A&E... basically this boy had fractured his finger by pushing him against the wall.

So I told my son exactly why I didn't want them to play together and I explained to the teacher. She was very good about it all and I'm glad I spoke to her.

Hoppinggreen · 07/09/2017 13:29

Some children are a bad combination, perhaps OP means that?
I've seen it before and I asked for my DS NOT to be in a class with a certain boy before - individually they were fine but together it wasn't great
It's not the fault of either child but in some cases certain children need to be encouraged NOT to spend too much time together

Allthebestnamesareused · 07/09/2017 13:33

Personally I'd ask if they could be placed in separate classes but I'd also be prepared for the school to say no, mainly because they wouldn't want the floodgates to be opened and have multiple parents putting in their requests too.

Hillarious · 07/09/2017 14:07

I think it's absolutely the wrong thing to do to ask the school to separate them.

Tinty · 07/09/2017 14:19

You already say that your daughter is a bit mischievous, so you don't know if is your daughter doing the leading. I think you maybe misunderstood the teachers being "aware", maybe they think your daughter is the one misbehaving. I had a friend whose boys were so well behaved and polite; one day after parents evening she was so cross because the teacher said her son was not very well behaved in school. She was completely convinced that the teacher had the wrong boy (we all were because he is an angel). I asked my daughter what he was like in class and she said he was terrible always mucking about and getting into trouble. So you could be doing the other child a terrible injustice. Just tell your daughter to behave better in school and not mess around.

bookwormnerd · 07/09/2017 14:23

I think you should work with your child about making sure she makes the right choices. She will have peer pressure thoughout her time at school and she needs to learn just because someone else does something does not mean she should. She needs to consider the consequences herself. It was her own choice therefore she needs to have the consequences rather than her friend being blamed. I wouldent split them up as she should have a choice who she plays with. Even if they are seperated they will still have break time and lunch time. I think it should be working more on daughters self confidence to say no this is a bad idea

feathermucker · 07/09/2017 14:24

The school implied nothing; you just assumed they had the sane views as you.

Your socio-economic status is irrelevant. Your view that it us your daughter who is being led astray is naive.

It might be that they're equally to 'blame'. It might be that your daughter isn't the innocent party. Probably very difficult to tell.

Ultimately, they're 5 years old; just 5. The school will speak to you if they feel that they need separating.

youhavetobekidding · 07/09/2017 14:29

I think it should be working more on daughters self confidence to say no this is a bad idea

Agree with this. As your DD goes through life, she will meet lots of people willing to lead her astray.

blueberrypie0112 · 07/09/2017 14:30

My MIL told me a story how a teacher paired my husband to a classmate because she felt this classmate would set a good organization example to my husband. Few weeks later, the mother called and complained that her son was picking up my husband's disorganization skills LOL. I think I would be hurt if it was me but I am sure some parents had complained about me being in the classroom (since I was deaf) I did not have any friends after one kid moved away.

My daughter have peanut allergy and I do not want her sitting next to anyone who will tease her about it. They may sneak peanut butter on her

Believeitornot · 07/09/2017 14:36

Your dd needs to take responsibility for her actions.

As do you to some extent.

I have a 5 year old dd and she's in KS1. She has a best friend who she is constantly fighting with etc and it causes trouble. I fully appreciate that actually my dd needs to make the right choices and I am always reminding her of this.

The thing that pisses me off is that her parents encourage her dd's dramatics eg massive attention when she "hurts" herself or cries at the first hint of trouble. She lies (I've witnessed this!) to get out of trouble and calls my dd names. But her parents just put her down to being "a bit cheeky" and "oh she's just tired/hungry" etc.

It makes it very difficult for me and other parents to deal with this as we are trying to teach our children how to behave and have to explain this.

So to cut a long story short, teach your dd some manners.

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