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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my DH was wrong to leave DD and a friend?

42 replies

User73milliontrilliondillion · 06/09/2017 16:57

I'm fairly sure I'm right but just in case there is a different opinion! Firstly important geographic information. We live on a close of around 20 houses, secluded from the village, down a long drive, open countryside to three sides, a large hedge on the other seperating our close from the next street. Everyone knows everyone's face who lives here, if not names. Kids play out on bikes, it's a dead end, so traffic would be people who live here, visitors or deliveries.
My DD who's 6 has made friends with a neighbours daughter who's 5, they've been in and out of each other's houses all summer. I went out to the shops, leaving my husband with our 3 year old, and 6 year old who was playing up in her bedroom with the neighbours 5 year old. Neighbours were outside on the close working on their garden.
When I came home, husband mentioned he'd already walked our dog, I asked where the girls had been, he said he took the youngest, I assumed the oldest went round to her friend, but no he'd left them in the house. He was away 20-30 minutes in the neighbouring fields, so within eyeline of the close but not the house. He told the neighbours he was going out, the back gate and door were open, but I'm not sure the neighbours would have heard the girls if they'd shouted.
He sees nothing wrong with this, I do!! He just can't see why I'm angry, aibu?

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 06/09/2017 16:59

Did the neighbours say it was ok for him to leave their 5yo unattended? Shock

pinkyredrose · 06/09/2017 17:01

He is BVU! Why the fuck didn't he send them to the neighbours? !

museumum · 06/09/2017 17:06

I don't see a problem. The neighbours were in their garden and had essentially taken over care of the girls.
I go into my own garden leaving my ds inside and he's only 4.

User73milliontrilliondillion · 06/09/2017 17:08

Exactly pinky, that's what I wOuld have done or waited to walk the dog.
He said he just told the neighbours he was going to walk the dog, I'd left about 30 minutes earlier, waved to them as a left, so I can't see how they couldn't see there where no adults in, unless like me they didn't think he'd leave them alone!

OP posts:
Firesuit · 06/09/2017 17:09

Most people who live in the UK in 2017 would tell you you are right. Most of the rest of the present and past population of the world would think you're nuts.

My mother was telling me earlier today how, after school, aged 5, she left school, walked to a bus stop by herself, caught a public bus, paying the right amount to the conductor, and got off in the middle of the city and went into the office building and took the lift up to the floor where her mother worked.

BenLui · 06/09/2017 17:11

Did he specifically mention to the neighbours that you weren't in the house and that they were now in charge of both children?

Cambionome · 06/09/2017 17:12

He is wrong to leave young children alone like that.

RedSkyAtNight · 06/09/2017 17:13

I think he effectively left them in the care of the neighbours so think it was fine.
Presumably if there had been a problem one of the girls would have gone and found the neighbours?

Anecdoche · 06/09/2017 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 06/09/2017 17:14

I would be absolutely raving about this , it's bad enough leaving your own 6 yo unsupervised without adding someone else's 5 yo into the mix .

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/09/2017 17:18

Did the neighbour's actually know they were alone in the house? I'd be really bloody angry if my 5 year old was playing in someone's house and the parent just skedaddled out the door with the fecking dog!

Loopytiles · 06/09/2017 17:21

He was U.

User73milliontrilliondillion · 06/09/2017 17:25

Diagram for illustration?

To think my DH was wrong to leave DD and a friend?
OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 06/09/2017 17:28

He should taken them with him, sent them to the other child's house or waited until you got home.

5 and 6 is pretty young to be left alone. Even if they are sensible kids who wouldn't have left the bedroom or tried to destroy anything, the risk of a house fire and their ability to know what to do would make most people not take the risk.

happypoobum · 06/09/2017 17:31

YANBU I would be livid.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 06/09/2017 17:32

I think for me it depends, if they are right next door then I'd be fine with it (no different to him being out gardening), if they're further around the cul de sac then I wouldn't be.

Her parents must have been fine with it though or they'd have told him to send their DD/both girls over to theirs.

zippey · 06/09/2017 17:35

As a parent he needs to weight up the risks and options, and he thought it was an acceptable risk. Which is fine. People will have different opioniova. There is no definitive right answer on this one.

scrabbler3 · 06/09/2017 17:37

Yes, the neighbours were working in their garden when he left, but what if they'd gone out?

This would have been perfectly ok at age 9 I think, given that he was nearby. But 5/6 is just too young.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/09/2017 17:42

Are you serious with that diagram? The neighbour's house is not just over the garden fence; it's a whole road away? Hmm

Katedotness1963 · 06/09/2017 17:43

Too young to be left unattended!

FlakeBook · 06/09/2017 17:44

I'd be ok with it. He told the other girl's parents who were ok with it and knew they were in charge. It's only as though an adult was in the garden.

FluffyNinja · 06/09/2017 17:44

It's tricky as some people have different parenting styles and I don't like to impose my values onto them.
I have a friend who leaves her two DC's on their own whilst she goes to the town shopping or to drop oldest DD to her job. This started when they were about 5&7 yrs.
We all live rurally.
She lives in a detached cottage about a mile and half away from us with her nearest neighbours about quarter of a mile away from her. I only realised this recently when I was about to leave mine on a play date at hers and she was getting in her car with the baby and eldest son. I offered to stay to mind them but she just laughed and said they were used to being left so I collected my DC and said we're going home now.

Bluntness100 · 06/09/2017 17:49

I agree that's not just the neighbours are over the fence, they are a road over. You can't leave kids that age alone like that. The neighbours would have thought you were back, or they are all irresponsible knobs.

junebirthdaygirl · 06/09/2017 17:52

Am l right in thinking that the neighbours in their garden were not the visiting childs parents? If this is true he was wrong to leave them . Mostly they would be fine but being that careless about supervision wouldnt sit well with me and l am pretty laid back.

Sara107 · 06/09/2017 17:52

If the children were playing out on the Close, then fine. I would ask the other parent to keep an eye out. But I would not leave somebody else's 5 yr old unsupervised in my house. I don't believe anything particularly bad or unusual would happen, but you leave yourself undefended if something goes wrong. Eg children start romping on the bed or sofa (pretty normal, esp if nobody to say stop!). 5 yr old falls off and bumps head, sprains wrist etc. Suddenly your previously lovely, friendly, easygoing neighbours are threatening to bring the wrath of God (social services and the law) upon your head...

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