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Original poster

Brother In Law's Girlfriend Pregnant.......she is just 17

21 replies

kitty17 · 03/04/2007 13:31

Mhh, not sure what im thinking on this one, My brotherinlaw is 21 and has told us that his girlfriend (of 8mnths)is pregnant 7wks, I know he will be a good dad, but im feeling she is too young and not mature enough... Her parents are fine with it!!!!. I know he is wanting to talk about it, but not sure if its me or his brother he wants to speak too, we get on really well, He knows im here to listen to him.... I cannot see them being together for the rest of there lives and feel its a shame for the little one.
Is this another case of teenage pregnancy!!.

OP posts:
RedLorryYellowLorry · 03/04/2007 13:36

Was it planned?

HoraceWimp · 03/04/2007 13:38

well she is a teenager and she is pregnant.....

but if they are happy and her parents are supportive, you HAVE to be supportive too. It is no good being awkward, what has happened has happened. At the end of the day it will be your neice or nephew

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 13:46

No I dont think it was Planned, not by his reaction anyway when he was telling us...
Not being awkward on this at all, i just get this feeling he is not happy with it and does not want to say to her...... He has come out of a 5 year relationship with his old girlfriend from school, so not really been out there and been a lad!!!. but like you say its done and they need to get on with it. We have to be here for him regardless

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RedLorryYellowLorry · 03/04/2007 13:49

It's a shame he's not happy. However, he is old enough to know about safe sex so let's hope he faces up to his responsibilities. It's good for his girlfriend that she has her parents support though.

NineUnlikelyTales · 03/04/2007 13:50

He's not happy about it but doesn't want to say to her? He should have been adult enough to make sure they were using contraception then. You do seem to be judging this poor girl - it takes two to make a baby you know!

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 13:56

I dont think there will be any problems with him facing up to the responsibilities, certainly my inlaws are strong people, they are not over the moon but are supportive. I just think he would have rather waited a while longer (older). Its happened and he needs to get used to the fact he will be a dad.

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Kif · 03/04/2007 13:58

yes - you are being unreasonable - though I guess you're really asking 'can I talk through my thoughts'.

What if I posted: "My SIL is 41 and has become pregnant. I'm feeling she's too old and runs a greater risk of complications... her children from a previous marriage are fine with it!!!! I cannot see either of them cutting down on their long hours at work and feel it is a shame for the little on. Is this another case of middle aged pregnancy? "

I'm not pooh poohing your concerns, but trying to make the point that every circumstance has its challenges - and plus points.

It is totally outside your remit to advise termination, so all you can do is be on hand for support when necessary.

sheepgomeep · 03/04/2007 14:06

kif- you've just put into words what i've been thinking lol.

'I just think he would have rather waited a while longer (older). Its happened and he needs to get used to the fact he will be a dad.'

sorry but he (and she) should have sorted out contraception first

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:09

NineUnlikelyTales - Yes maybe i am judging her, but i know what she is like, in general a very nice girl, and quite and as for contraception, well my brotherinlaw is careful on that, he did tell us he is careful, but then again condoms are not always 100% safe.. Not sure if she is on anything tho!!! Mistakes do happen.... and I know that...but im older...

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EHM · 03/04/2007 14:12

my bil when he was 15 got his gf pg when she was 14 they are both in their 20's now & have the most wonderful daughter. they have done a fantastic job all things considered & are still together.

NineUnlikelyTales · 03/04/2007 14:13

It must be a shock to both of them and their families if they really were being careful. I bet they weren't as careful as your BIL is making out though DH and I used condoms for 10 years (sorry if TMI!) and then I got pregnant as soon as we stopped..the very first time in fact.

HoraceWimp · 03/04/2007 14:16

same here nineunlikely tales. We had one drunken episode and voila a pregnancy ensues....

Plibble · 03/04/2007 14:21

If he was that opposed to being a father then he did not need to have sex with his girlfriend in the first place. I feel more sorry for the girl than for him - she is having a child and she is only a child herself. He is an adult and needs to step up.
I hate to sound like my mother, but if you're going to have sex, the you have to accept the adult responsibilities that go with it.
Anyway, all of this is a bit like shutting the door when the horse has already gone... There's not a lot you can do other than offer your support and to be there for them both to talk to.

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:23

kif - each to there own...... and yes i am talking through my thoughts,
I believe him when he said he uses condoms, and yes maybe she should be on the pill (but then again not everyone is suited to that!!)
and as for saying its out my remit to terminate, I have NEVER even given them the thought of it.....and NEVER would, thats there decision and ONLY there's I would NEVER EVER SAY that...
How many of your partners took a while to come to terms that they were going to be a dad... a few i bet.. and they were older, so its not just him taking the time to adjust.. Maybe if they had planned it, he would be handling it better...

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Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:25

EHM - Thank you for those words... its to get some encouragement... and a positive outlook.....

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Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:28

Plibble - Our door is always open to them, and we have told them both that, they just have to ask....We are here for them both

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Kif · 03/04/2007 14:38

That's my point - having a baby is huge adjustment for anyone - at any age, and in any circmstances.

They might balls it up, or it might be the making of them.

Either way, another little face around the christmas dinner table. Call me an unrealistic optimist, but I can't help but be happy at news of a pregnancy - and we've had some corkers in my family when it comes to 'scandal'!

Plibble · 03/04/2007 14:38

That's good. I know it can take a bit of time to get your head around this sort of news. I'm sure that lots of people have children earlier than they would like but manage fine. If your BIL has any friends who have been through the same thing, maybe he could speak to them to get an idea of what lies ahead.

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:45

plibble - no he is the 1st out of his group of friends, I had asked him that. Think he is scared, I told him that me and his brother were scared also.... You just have to get on with it...
Generally speaking it will be nice to have an addition to the family and my DS will love having a wee cousin.

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kks · 03/04/2007 14:45

I hope things work out for her, you never realise just how much a baby can change your life until you have one. I know alot of teenagers who want babies want babies because they see them as a novalty fashion accesserie. I am not saying thats the case here but i hope she has really thought things through.

Original poster
kitty17 · 03/04/2007 14:52

kks - thats my worry... she is a really nice girl, but you never know what goes through peoples minds... I just hope that they will be strong for each other and the baby, and that things work out for them

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