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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed??

50 replies

Babyblues14 · 06/09/2017 15:56

First baby with dh, his son lives with us (moved in two years ago), just found out that even though this is my first child I am not eligible for maternity grant because we have dss in the household
Aibu to be pretty pissed off with the whole bloody system?
Apparently even if you have a relative living with you who is under 16 you won't get it either.

OP posts:
Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 06/09/2017 16:10

YABU. You already have a child, doesn't matter that he isn't yours biologically he's your husbands and he lives with you in your family home.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2017 16:13

What's a maternity grant?

BackieJerkhart · 06/09/2017 16:14

That's a bit shit. Surely maternity grant is for the person who is pregnant and as you haven't had a child before/maternity grant before then you should be entitled.

gamerchick · 06/09/2017 16:14

man, you're brave OP.

newyorkgirl · 06/09/2017 16:18

YABU
Your annoyed because you don't qualify for free money because of your partners son?
I'd be a bit pissed off if my partner resented my child because she missed out on a bit of money.
Also most people don't qualify for a maternity grant...

Concentrate on your pregnancy and enjoy it.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2017 16:22

Usually, to qualify for a Sure Start Maternity Grant there must be no other children in your family and you or your partner must get one of these...
Child Tax Credit
How does that work??

Original poster
Babyblues14 · 06/09/2017 16:37

I'm not pissed off with dss, I'm pissed off with the system. Like I said even if the person under 16 is your sister you still don't get it. It just doesn't seem fair. And I don't understand the child tax credits thing either Confused

OP posts:
Spartak · 06/09/2017 16:41

I won't ever have kids and therefore won't ever get a maternity grant or any other benefits aimed at families. Life isn't fair. You presumably chose to have this baby and therefore need to pick up the tab.

highinthesky · 06/09/2017 16:44

YABU and very entitled. (I am assuming that your "first baby" does not end up in poverty because you don't have this grant).

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2017 16:45

I assume you get it for a first child if you don't work to help with the basics you wouldn't otherwise afford so no other child in that context is a bit odd

CreamCheeseBrownies · 06/09/2017 16:46

Is it because it's to help with cost of cot, buggy etc, and if there's another child in the house "the system" assumes you can reuse their old ones?

If it helps you can get things like cots and buggies in nice condition for an absolute steal on ebay. Our cot cost £15 and was pristine, we used it for 2 babies and sold it on for £20. Ask around your friends and you may well be able to borrow stuff like carseats and cots on long term loan.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2017 16:47

Also if you have any Mum2Mum sales nearby - google of look on Facebook

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 16:48

I'll bite: don't have a bloody baby if you need the maternity grant.
If you don't need it, stop whining.

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 16:51

You claim maternity grant up until the baby is 12 months old, so you could be in receipt of Child Tax Credits.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/09/2017 16:52

Ah I see, thanks Ellisandra. Mine is 2, I'm just nosey haha

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 16:52

Sorry, it's 3 months - 12 months is for adoption.

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 16:53

I doubt the CTC is in the list because of the 3 months rule - it's probably there because it's part of a standard list of gateway benefits.

SilverBirchTree · 06/09/2017 16:57

A lot of women on Mumsnet seem to partner men with kids and then get surprised / annoyed everytime their lives are impacted by the child. I think YABU, this is what you signed up for. Your baby is not a 'first' baby, sorry OP.

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 16:58

Waiting for OP to come back and explain why it's unfair to her that her family which already includes one child isn't eligible for a grant that is only given to a family without any children...

swingofthings · 06/09/2017 17:01

DP got down by the tax people because when taking into account his company car, private insurance and mobile phone, he was over £50K, so had to declare it and see his tax increase because of my two children.

Not fair especially as children's father has never paid a penny in maintenance, but that's the system, better to get on and not think too much about it because fairness doesn't come into it I'm afraid.

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 17:03

How did his tax increase because of your children?

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 17:04

Do you mean that his tax code was amended based on your child benefit, so as a couple you were no worse off?

Ellisandra · 06/09/2017 17:06

My fiancé will lose his CTC when he moves in with me. We have discussed and budgets for that. It's a household benefit, end of. As I'm the higher earner and he's a low earner, it's effectively me that will take the loss. I'm not complaining - it's a household calculation and we make a choice to form a household.

CherriesInTheSnow · 06/09/2017 17:18

I agree the OP is being a bit unreasonable although I think (possibly?) she's more surprised at the fact a 16 year old sibling (as in her sister, if I've read that right) could be living in the same household and that would make you not entitled to the Sure Start grant if you otherwise would be. I do find that odd too because surely that would affect, for example, teenage mothers who still live with parents, and are likely to need the grant most? I don't know much about it though as although I think read something about it I knew I wouldn't be entitled to it..

However, please don't say things like "don't have a baby if you need a maternity grant". I bet there are lots of mums on here in all sorts of financial situations and to say something like that is pretty shitty and unnecessary.

blackteasplease · 06/09/2017 17:23

Well I would have thought it was about the person having the baby and not the household as whole. So first pregnancy, get the grant.

By these rules, someone could get this grant if they had previously had a child who now lived with his/ her Dad or elsewhere?