Public transport & inappropriate touching

[FatBottomedGal]

This morning on my way into work, a man inappropriately touched me throughout the entire journey. It was only a short tube ride (about 5 minutes) but because it was absolutely packed, there wasn't anywhere I could go to get away from him and I have to admit I'm furious with myself for doing absolutely nothing about it. I completely froze, I didn't even look at him. And then I got off the tube and legged it to work.

I've since reported this to the British Transport Police and am now worried I'm wasting police time by reporting something I don't think they'll be able to solve, but AIBU to think this shouldn't fucking happen. This was a man in a suit, on his way into work, perhaps after leaving his wife and family at home. ARGH it just makes me so ANGRY.

This happened to a family member.
She shouted very loudly at the offender and he stopped. Everyone in the carriage was glaring at him.

You did the right thing reporting him. Be kind to yourself. Do you have anyone IRL to be with you?

This happened to me but on a normal train sitting down, I was in the window seat. I shouted really loudly to stop groping me and to let me out of the seat. And followed it up with an even louder "this man is groping me" and every looked at him and a group of other people said to come and sit with them. It was pre-camera phones unfortunately and I didn't report it which was a bit stupid on recollection.

This happened to me when I was 14 (but during a lesson at school). It's awful. I still think of it and get angry that I did absolutely nothing about it. The dick got away scot free. Probably free to go and grope someone else.

You definitely did the right thing in reporting it. No one knows how they will react in these situations so don't be hard on yourself!

storm yes thank you - I spoke to my HR department when I got in, and have been speaking to friends and my OH throughout the day who have been very supportive, as well as making me realise that this was worth reporting.

It's odd, I'm not injured, I've not been stolen from and I don't feel molested in any way, I just feel really gross and angry. Mostly that anyone thinks they can do this to someone in a public place and get away with it (which he may well have done). I wish I had called him out on it, but there was a part of me that thought 'oh perhaps this is accidental'. It obviously wasn't, but why did any part of me feel concerned about making him feel awkward?!

Well done for reporting it.

Same thing happened to me in my 20s. I consider myself a feisty, confident person who isn't afraid of confrontation but I just froze. I think my mind just crashed, and it took me about ten minutes even to realise/accept that he was grinding against me and not just accidentally touching me. I didn't report it, or even tell anyone it had happened because I felt stupid that I hadn't said anything.

You are absolutely NOT wasting police time. I hugely regret the fact that I didn't make a scene at the time, or report it. These guys must go around preying on women all the time - maybe your account will be the one that nails one of them for it.

As a police officer I can reassure you that you have done absolutely the right thing. Also your reaction is a very common one. I'm sure plenty of people will say you should have shouted but often our fear response it's to freeze. No one knows how they would react. Trust me people report an awful lot of shit that you wouldn't believe. Trust me this is not. As for finding the offender, I'm sure he won't have done this only once. There is often a pattern. There is excellent cctv on trains, in stations etc. They will be able to locate you and then try to find him. It won't rest solely on what you can remember. If nothing else they can increase patrols on that route.

Here is a link to victim support, please call they are there for everyone
www.victimsupport.org.uk/

Well done for reporting it

You're definitely not wasting police time

Happened to me on the tube in London. I still feel burning shame thinking about it. I didn't report it. I wish I had.

That's sexual assault, don't feel you have to make it sound better by calling it 'inappropriate' anything. If you don't report it it isn't recorded and looks like less than a problem. It is unfair that the onus is on you, of course it is, but keeping it out in the open is more helpful than it may feel to you now. Most people who commute have a regular journey, he may be doing this to a different woman every day.

You're not wasting anyone's time, BTP should follow it up. What public transport doesn't have security cameras? Just because they may not do anything doesn't mean it isn't their job to do so or that it isn't important.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Feeling like you have some power in this situation may help you deal with the impotent anger you feel now.

RefuseTheLies there's absolutely no need to feel shame for being a victim of this

They covered this onJeremy Vine a month or so ago. It's really common. Disgustingly.

Happened to me once on the tube years ago. I was wearing stilettos. I managed to step backwards onto his foot really hard and elbow him. Then I managed to move away.

Something similar happened to me (it would have been around 2000/1 or so, so not recently)and I shouted at the offender and it was me who got the odd looks :(.

OP

It's assault and yes, while lots of people will say 'Oh, you should have shouted at him/shamed him/done this that or the other' in reality most of us do freeze in these situations. I know many women who have had this happen to them and you did absolutely the right thing by reporting it.

It's just foul. I'm angry on your behalf.

I gave them a full description of my appearance/ what I was wearing/ which stop I got on at and which carriage and where I was standing so I'm hoping they'll be able to find him through that - but then spotting a man in a sea of suits in central London is no mean feat! I'm absolutely glad that I contacted them, and hope that I can encourage more people to do the same in future - especially if (like me) you didn't feel you could do anything at the time.

That is terrible, you definitely did the right thing by reporting. Bloody perverts!!

That must have been so horrible, OP, you did right to report him. What a disgusting creep.

I remember it happened to me on an aeroplane once, on a long-haul flight. It was a Frenchman sitting next to me who touched me up. It was gross.

I'm grateful I usually travel by car these days, and don't travel by plane on my own anymore.

Definitely did the right thing to report him. BTP recently (as in the past few weeks) did a campaign to encourage people to speak to them about incidents like this.

So sorry you had to go through it.

I SAW this happen once to someone else. She was incredible. Turned around to face him and looked him dead in the eyes and said: I know your face and I will pick you out of a line up when I report this.

Everyone looked up mouths open. He jibbered a bit and then left the train at the next station.

Watch the TFL advert - you did the right thing

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/hard-hitting-advert-released-transport-10003302

Well done OP.
The first time it happened to me on the tube I just froze. The second time , a couple of years later , I screamed " stop touching me you pervert " and ground the heel of my boot into his ankle. He scuttled off at the next stop. I was quite shaken and a lovely couple of Australian tourists got off with me and took me for a coffee.
I didn't have the presence of mind to report it but was pleased I had caused the smart business man to be looked at as if he was scum by all the people nearby.

Awful! We'll done for reporting it. Makes me feel more confident about shouting out if it ever happens to me.

Good to know that there's CCTV. I wonder if anyone ever gets prosecuted for it?

A friend of mine had this happen and also froze and couldn't say anything. It really isn't uncommon to freeze. The BTP fully investigated and searched CCTV, they were great. Unfortunately they couldn't spot the person but my friend was treated very kindly by them and had originally not wanted to report it.

Awful thing to have happened.

How do these freaks choose their victims? And why the hell do they do it?