to mutter darkly behind my computer screen? (lighthearted. Sort of)

[JayoftheRed]

Would IBU to mutter darkly to myself all afternoon at my colleague? We don't really get on, although we have a fake sort of relationship - we hardly speak, but if we do it's all "your hair looks nice" or "I like your top." We don't discuss much other than work and I generally avoid even that if I can because she is so superior in her manner, and so irritated with me - I can't actually tell her anything because I'm so obviously annoying her. She gets on with everyone else, in the main.

It's a small office, (7 of us) and I'm tucked away in a corner. I face her table, but my computer screen blocks me from her.

Over lunch today, a couple of other colleagues were talking about nursery and pre-school and what was the difference and why did the kids wear uniform. As my eldest has just finished pre-school and is about to start reception, I joined in the conversation as I felt I knew something about the situation. Miserable colleague joined in, shut me down, told me there was no difference, that there was no such thing as uniform for pre-school (so what the fuck did I spend £20 a year on for the last two years - clearly the school jumpers with logos were a figment of my imagination) and that when her kids went to school (now in their thirties!) pre-school and nursery didn't stay open "until 10pm to fit in with the parents' working hours" - which is not what I said!

Anyway, would I be unreasonable to sit behind my computer screen and wish horrible things upon her? I struggle in the office as it is, being tucked out of the way, and I can't really join in with anything - I seem to have nothing in common with most of the people here, although the rest of them are all nice and friendly. But if ever I join in a conversation about anything, whether it's TV or books, or stories in the news, my opinions and thoughts are just shut down by this one woman, and everyone else just sort of goes along with it - they don't necessarily agree with her, but they don't say anything.

Actually, I just needed a rant. I've never liked her, she clearly doesn't like me, and I just needed to get that off my chest!

As you were...

I'd've shut that down with 'what you don't understand Morag is that things have progressed significantly from your day'

Cheeky mare

Why didn't you politely say what you've said here?

My DC wears uniform

That's not what at said

She sounds rude. Stand up for yourself, politely, with a smile.

You're right, I should. She's just not the sort of woman you argue with, even when she's wrong! Sounds pathetic, I know. Part of the problem is that because it's a small office, saying something like that would make things hard for everyone else.

I love the Morag comment. I shall think of her as Morag from now on.

I don't often join in with conversations, I just find that no matter what I think, she knows better. I have a couple of people who I can chat to, and it's fine.

Meh, it's only work. I'm only here two days a week when she's in, so it's not too bad. Just got to me a little today. I am now eating chocolate buttons and wishing her computer to freeze on her like mine just did!

I think you should assert yourself & arm yourself with quick statements that don't require a response so you aren't seeking any kind of approval from her.

'Ive always found them to be most obliging'

'Well we're all different but I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole' etc

Jay I've found that you can say almost anything if you say it politely with a smile.

It's not arguing to say "Morag, I think you may have misunderstood, that wasn't what I said"

Or

"My kids wear a uniform to pre-school. It's a red polo shirt with the school badge on it"

It is very hard to reply rudely to someone who is polite and cheerful. It makes you look bad, regardless of what they've actually said. Most people round about aren't really listening to the words just the tone.

Try it out, it works really well on people like Morag.

and that when her kids went to school (now in their thirties!) pre-school and nursery didn't stay open "until 10pm to fit in with the parents' working hours" - which is not what I said!

"We're long past the 80's now, Morag".

hat there was no such thing as uniform for pre-school

"How many children do you currently have in pre-school, Morag"?

I have tried it! I was making tea and offered to make her one, she refused. Then she got up and made herself one once I'd finished.

"Morag, you should have said you wanted tea, I just made a round!"

Everyone had heard me offer, everyone heard her refuse. She didn't really have anything to say, just sort of mumbled that she'd changed her mind.

Result!

Yay!!

Charm offensive.

You don't have to like her. You don't have to respect her. You just have to be scrupulously polite and charming, even in the face of her rudeness.

You will look lovely to everyone else and her behaviour to you will be highlighted.

Works every time.

Plus it has the advantage of keeping you on the moral high ground and her off balance.

Brilliant! You may get a little addicted to being overly nice to Morag but enjoy it while it lasts & let us know when her attitude changes 😃

And you do know that one day soon you will actually call her Morag too... and I would so love to be there when that happens