To not want to be her friend

[splendidisolation]

I met a woman who on paper seemed like she could be a great friend.

Have you ever had that? Where you feel you should get on with someone but you just don't? It's almost like the chemistry just isn't there.

I felt a few 'alarm bells' ringing with her.

But the crunch came when she told me she'd tricked her ex into having a kid. He didnt want a baby, she did, so she told him she was on the pill to get pregnant, then he left.

She told me this on a really upbeat way, saying it was a woman's right to have a child.

AIBU to pass moral judgment on her and not want to be her friend?

Yanbu I'd feel the same.

I don't understand, are your friendships normally based on people who tick boxes on paper? Mine are based on them being people who make me feel awesome when I'm with them, who I find interesting, funny, who are caring and being some joy to my life. I wouldn't ever think oh I should be friends with this person cos they seem fine on paper?

As for the tricking thing yeah, displays massive dishonesty and isn't someone I'd tolerate being in my life. No need to stir drama though given you're not close anyway and have no chemistry. Just don't become friends. Simple.

I have never considered a friend in a 'good on paper' way.

How strange.

Sorry to clarify for the literalists, by "on paper" I meant it seemed like we'd get on and have loads in common: age, work we do, hobbies etc.

YANBU. I wouldn't want to be friends either, same as I don't want to be friends with cheaters.

But those of you nitpicking at a well known expression are

YANBU and tbh your post has made me breathe a little easier about my own feelings towards a woman I know. We have, on the surface, quite a lot in common and my husband (who also knows her and thinks she's all right) doesn't understand why I turn down invites etc from her.
My issue is the way she conducts herself, I suppose, and differing morals. She tricked her boyfriend into getting her pregnant also which doesn't sit well with me. There have been a few other warning flags too which I won't go into.
It's a big world full of people. No need to force a friendship! It wouldn't be fair on her for you to pay lip service to the friendship IMO. I wouln't appreciate someone spending time with me if they didn't really like me.

YANBU. I couldn't be friends with someone who did this. I think it's a terrible thing to do. A friend of mine was desperate for a baby and her DH wasn't really up for it and she said about 'accidently' getting pregnant. I told her she couldn't do that and she said she wouldn't. She just got him to agree in the end anyway, but if he hadn't, I'm not sure I'd have been surprised if she had had an 'accident'.

I also started having second thoughts about a friendship based on how she talked about others, usually their intelligence, it did put me off tbh.

YANBU. Sometimes you think someone is your type of person and you get on OK and then suddenly they say something that's just so completely against your values and you realise it's just an insurmountable difference.

Same thing happened to me once when a relatively new friend who had seemed perfectly nice suddenly announced she hated France and the French because she met one family of French-Canadians on holiday once and they were slightly rude.

You're not obligated to be anyone's friend. If you don't like the cut of her jib (and I can see why) then you don't have to be friends.