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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed with DD's school?

52 replies

Janel85 · 06/09/2017 10:58

I'm just wondering if I am being unreasonable to feel a little bit miffed this morning.

Phoned up Dd's school this morning as she is due to have a home school visit ahead of starting reception next week, chance to meet her teacher one on one etc.

She is going to school a 20 minute drive from where we live, basically we were in the conveyancing process on a house in the village where the school is and the house fell through, we are currently trying to find another buyer and another house in the village etc.

The school is aware of our situation. Anyway months ago we filled out a form to arrange this home visit.

I received a letter back a few weeks ago to say what time the teacher is coming Friday, in a moment of self doubt I wondered had I put in brackets that we would be living at the new address in the village by then, so stupidly I phoned the school to check, at which point the receptionist asks me where I live and how far away it is.

She tells me the teacher can't come out to us because she has other visits booked that day and it's too far, I said to her well where did the teacher think she was coming to on Friday then?

She says she doesn't know, I said you've sent the confirmation letter to my current address? Again the receptionist says she doesn't know and tries to get me off the phone.

I said ok look if you can't come out to us then can we come to the school instead? She doesn't know and will call me back, she hasn't.

I am quietly fuming, where they just not going to turn up? We're going away on holiday for a few days before school starts on Friday and we're leaving late because of this visit.

I know it's my fault for ringing up and creating this situation but I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't, in a moment of madness, put down the house address we were buying (and I definitely didn't because I asked the receptionist what new address she had for us and she didn't have it at all!)

OP posts:
SquareWord · 06/09/2017 11:04

Has your DD not had any school visits already? I can see that it's annoying that you arranged your holiday around the visit but I wouldn't worry about the teacher not coming out. My children have never had a visit from a teacher and settled fine!

Notevilstepmother · 06/09/2017 11:09

I wouldn't disrupt my holiday for this, especially if you are in the middle of the stress of moving, and I wouldn't want a home visit either (seems a bit nosey to me).

I'd ring the school, tell them not to bother and go on holiday.

When did this become a thing? I've never heard of it before.

Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 11:11

She has been to the school for a twenty min visit with other kids but no one on ones, I'm annoyed that they've said they're coming and now all of a sudden they aren't, I just don't think it's good enough to suddenly withdraw this visit, or not to phone me back when I offered to bring her to the school for this one on one instead. I'm sure she will settle down but I'd like her to have this time with her teacher like all the other kids in her class.

OP posts:
regularbutpanickingabit · 06/09/2017 11:16

Do you think they are checking if you have the right address in your application? Do they have a waiting list?

Educatingbrigita0 · 06/09/2017 11:20

This was not a thing with any of mine and they started schools in new areas not knowing other children. She will be fine , just go on your holiday and enjoy your time together .

unfortunateevents · 06/09/2017 11:22

Don't turn yourself into one of those parents before your DD even starts school. Does it really matter that much if she doesn't have a home visit??

iveburntthetoast · 06/09/2017 11:26

I've never heard of a home visit. No way could have happened at DDs' school! What purpose does it serve? It's far more important for them to experience and meet the teachers within the school environment. DDs' had about 4 school visits, which gradually worked up from an hour with parents to a full morning without parents.

Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 11:28

we're definitely in the school, it can't be helped that the house has fallen through, we've not lied to them at any point, she has been given a place and we'll be moving to that area as soon as we possibly can. Thanks for all your replies, I take it that I am being unreasonable, or overly emotion about it I just hunk it's bad form to say they are coming to visit, give me a time and a confirmation letter to my current address and then renage that all of a sudden when they realise it is t on their doorstep, then not to even ring me back when I offer to bring my daughter to them!

OP posts:
glitterlips1 · 06/09/2017 11:32

I wouldn't worry about the home visit. I always think they are a waste of time anyway. If I had anymore children I would refuse the home visit.

Trampire · 06/09/2017 11:33

Home visits have been a 'thing' in my area for years.

Honestly? It's a few minutes on inane chat where your dc is slightly more shy than normal. It's annoying for you, but honestly it won't make a bit of difference. Your dcs will meet the teacher when they start. It will be fine.

2014newme · 06/09/2017 11:35

You aren't missing anything. If this annoys you excessively you will find the school years very hard!

JemmyBloocher · 06/09/2017 11:36

Home visits seem ridiculous to me. Don't teachers have better things to do. 10s of 1000s of kids start school every year.
That said it is very unprofessional saying one thing and doing another. Not impressive. They shouldn't have offered in the first place. It's s waste of staff time.

Witsender · 06/09/2017 11:37

It is only half eleven, when did you ring?

Lethaldrizzle · 06/09/2017 11:43

i didn't know home visits were a thing! never had one

iamUberA · 06/09/2017 11:44

When did you ring? They are busy working and can't always ring you back immediately, maybe they have sent an email to teacher and are waiting for a reply. You need to calm down tbh

spiderlight · 06/09/2017 11:44

We didn't have a home visit when mine started reception - we had an hour in the July when he went in with a load of the other kids, met his teacher and TA and saw the classroom (and spent most of his time on a bike outside flirting with some Y4 girls....) and that was that! She'll be fine without, honestly.

viques · 06/09/2017 11:47

Phone back, cancel the school visit, go on holiday, keep talking to your child about Miss X their new teacher but otherwise forget about school for a bit. honestly, a visit to an empty classroom, or a visit to your home is neither here nor there in terms of your childs whole school experience and in the long run will make no difference.

ALittleMop · 06/09/2017 11:49

It's the first (or second) day back at school
It's insanely busy and there are probably people with real problems that need sorting out
You yourself have said you are not sure which address you put - so if you put the new one, it's not surprising the teacher can't fit you in to somewhere further afield
Our school never did these visits - they didn't think a short visit had that much value for the children - the visits to school much more useful. Except if children had particular SEN or other issues, in which case the teacher made a lot more time/repeat visits.
I think you are annoyed because of the holiday. Just the normal annoyance of an appointment being cancelled. Your DD is not missing out and will not suffer.
All will be well, let it go.

Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 11:56

She will be fine, I know this. It's the principle that they made a commitment to visit and clearly they didn't realise it was a 20 minute drive and now they are saying it too far. They don't have the new address because I asked her what address they have other than my current one and she didn't have another one so I didnt out any other address on that form like I worried I had. They sent the confirmation to my current address, my point is if I hadn't phoned what would have happened Friday? Anyway I haven't kicked off, I have offered to bring my daughter to meet her teacher like all the other kids and I await their response, although i do not think they are going to ring back

OP posts:
Tilapia · 06/09/2017 11:59

Home visits are a newish thing in my area - DC3 had one but the other two (same school) didn't. That's why you're getting some bemused comments, as many posters haven't heard of this and probably don't see it as necessary.

IMO they aren't particularly useful and certainly not worth getting stressed about. I agree the communication from the school was a bit rubbish but this is fairly typical of primary schools IME!

Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 12:01

I guess I'm a bit of a stickler for good manners and I consider this to be below par, by the sounds of it I need to suck it up and lower my expectations Blush

OP posts:
Witchend · 06/09/2017 12:03

Did you use the old or new address on applications?
If you used the old, then no problem. If you used the new then you have a problems because "we really intend to move to the area" has no standing on admissions.

Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 12:07

I used the old address, I emailed the head teacher and the admissions department at the local council personally to explain the situation so it was all completely by the book and I have the written proof. We were lucky they had under their quota this year

OP posts:
Original poster
Janel85 · 06/09/2017 12:08

Goodness me if they try and revoke my daughters place at the eleventh hour I am going to kick off majorly, surely they wouldn't do that?

OP posts:
user789653241 · 06/09/2017 12:09

I understand it's really annoying, but yeah, like you say, just forget about it and she will be fine. Our school doesn't have home visits. My dc never met the teacher one to one before school. It was totally fine. Doesn't worth making bad relationship with school before your dc has even started.