To be unsympathetic?

[ShiftyLookingBadger]

Sorry a long one, a bit of background; I'm currently on maternity leave with DS(4m) and also looking after DD(2y). My daughter is very much an energetic tom-boy. Every second of the day she is trying to scale the ladder-style radiator or the dinner table or doing something equally heart-stopping so requires fairly constant supervision. I'm up at least 4 times in the night with DS and also have had sinusitis for 2 months so generally feel exhausted and rubbish most days but just get on, I'm trying my best not to moan about it and bore the living daylights out of people.

Anyways, OH hasn't been feeling very well with a dodgy tum so has been off work this week so far. Now, although I'm sure he is feeling rough, he otherwise seems pretty normal (apart from being in a foul mood), his idea of resting is playing playstation for example.

I asked him to hold DS a small number of times for e.g. when I got dressed and when I made some lunch. Yes I could have done it all myself eventually but why not utilise OH if he's home? He was furious about it and said he felt like he'd had the baby too much.

I confess, a large part of me resents how he thinks he can take time off work when feeling rough and put his feet up. I struggle all day through sickness and exhaustion regardless, I can't take a sick day from being a parent so why should he?

We ended up having a huge fight about how unsympathetic I am to him feeling unwell and that he'd probably have gotten more rest at work I don't want to make him feel worse but isn't he overreacting? He made me feel terribly guilty about it, yet somehow I can't see me getting a day off to rest if I'm sick...

Am I being a hard-arse cow?? Totally prepared to hear I ABU

the more rest at work is a telling comment and tells you that really he knows its harder for you!

Faith I didn't let him get away with it, hence the argument

He is much better today! At home playing his new game, ahem... However he is helping with the kids and is chirpy so can't complain. He says he's going back tomorrow (and yes lucky for us it's paid leave). He very rarely takes sick time so I'm leaving that up to him, he's a grown man.

Open the controller and cut some wires.

YANBU though. He sounds like a right idiot, just because he is ill doesn't mean he gets to check out of being a dad.

Polly exactly that, if he was bed ridden or in major pain I would 100% expect him to hide himself away and sleep it off.

I said to him 'so if I'm sick am I to make you stay home to look after the kids'? He said 'of course, that's what emergency family days are for'. Pffff!!! I know I would get 'do you REALLY need me to stay home? I have X on today and it's important, can't your mum help?'

Aaahh, the sympathy for the husband on here is overwhelming....the mumsnet jury has spoken .

They are of course quite right - he is being a nob.

Why are so so so many men wired this way? 1) They are always more ill than everybody else (probably almost dying), 2) They can't cope with the 'baby phase' and only start to show more interest in their kids when they are older and can 'give something back', 3) They are full of self pity, 4) they can't think about the emotions and needs of their loved ones unless they themselves are happy first, 5) and they think their wives have turned into harridans for getting (rightly) pissed off with all of the above pathetic man-child behaviour. Of ALL the men I know I can only think of one who isn't like this. And frankly I wonder how many of us would have got married if we had known in advance that this is how the men in our lives would turn out to be.