WWYD? Labour, DC1 and family...

[eggsinarow]

Currently expecting DC2. DS1 is only 2.5yrs and a very affectionate and clingy toddler when it comes to me and DP.
Recently he has taken up not going to sleep unless one of us puts him to sleep - last few attempts at staying at DGPs ended up with him making himself stay awake and waiting for us, looking out the window and asking about me and DP. As soon as we got there had a cuddle and tucked him in he was asleep instantly.

So my worry - my first labour was very fast, in total just under 5 hours.
They say the second is usually quicker which makes it even scarier as the hospital is anything between 30mins to 1hour away depending on time of day/traffic.

The most logical thing for us is to leave DS with DPs parents as they live about 5mins from us, my parents are a 30min drive in opposite direction of hospital.

In my ideal world I wouldn't tell anyone I was in labour (we didn't with DS) until the baby arrives, but obviously in this case ILS will have to know as they will be babysitting. This makes me feel like I should also inform my parents so they don't feel excluded.

My main questions are:

• what are the chances of this labour being quick like the last (if there's no complications of course) or slower than the last?

• if my labour is longer this time around (I'm thinking over 8hrs or spanning over days) how do we keep DS happy and reassured? He won't go to sleep unless one of us is there but the hospital is at best a 1 hour round trip so DP could miss out on the labour + I wouldn't have his support.

• how do we introduce DS and new baby? I don't want him to feel pushed aside, especially as he will see me after some time apart depending on length of labour and baby will be there.

• how do I keep everyone "in the loop" but also avoid DP getting texts/phone calls asking for updates? I'm going to be clear with DP that I do not want anyone receiving any updates on how dilated I am/what the docs said etc as I feel like I want some privacy in that department. I'm happy to let them know when I'm in labour, that everything's ok (if it's taking long), and when the baby arrives.

Is home birth an option for you?

You may go into labour either during the day or after he's gone to bed. In other words it could be a moot point and he'll be largely unaware of most of it. Your DP will go home after you give birth.

In the event that you go into labour near his bedtime, you tell the GPs to come over to yours. Why should he be uprooted? He may sleep better in his own bed, and they can tell him stories in bed and eventually he'll nod off. It may take a while but it'll get there eventually if he's distracted by a story.

Your toddler will cope, he will just have to so he will. I don't know much about labour but I too would guess it would be even quicker. Get your dh to make a whatsapp group with his parents and your parents on and on it say "we will update this as soon as we have any news but please don't ask us for updates as it stresses us out".

Don't know anything about toddler meeting new baby. Baby could 'buy' the toddler a present perhaps?

Hate to say this but my labour with dd was 4 hours from show to baby in arms ds it was 45 minutes 😯

Second getting one set of parents to babysit at yours. If DS doesn't settle will it be a huge deal if he's cuddled up on the sofa with a blanket rather than in bed (it's only one night)? He may even drop off and could then be carried to bed?

One thing I read when I had my second was don't be holding the baby when he comes in. Keep the baby in the cot so your arms are free for a nice big hug with DS. Then you can put the baby on his lap if he wants a cuddle.

I would ask the grandparents to come to your house , as your toddler will feel much more settled at home. Besides, you may end up in labour during the night and it would upset him more if he was uprooted half way through his sleep. With my second I went into labour around midnight and was back home by 6am before my son woke up.

I think with regards to DP and text messages etc, just tell him to ignore them until after the birth. If anyone complains later you can always say there was no signal etc. I know what you mean though, my DH was bombarded and apparently the entire family was discussing my labour on Facebook

We got a gift for my son that was from his new sister. I made sure I wasn't holding her when he came into the room and made the intro all about him, e.g "wow you're an amazing big brother" etc. He took it really well, it was actually after a few weeks that he started acting up, probably when he realised she wasn't going away

Get your DS used to staying over with grandparents, maybe one night a week, not just being able to stay up until you get there. Prime them with his usual routine, bedtime, cuddlies, story, bath etc. As it's likely you'll have a quick labour why not arrange for them to meet you at the hospital and take DS home? You could be 2 hours, you could be 50+, and either needs to be ok. They could then bring him back when the baby is born and you are ready for visitors.
A dolly/teddy from the baby for big brother, (which he can then cuddle/ feed/take care of) and I second having your arms free when DS comes in so he can have a big hug.

As long as your eldest has a warm relationship with his grandparents they will cope. He may not go to bed as normal but he will sleep eventually (as above poster says, drop off on the sofa and carried to bed, or maybe a grandparent will sit with him until he drops off?) They will cope for one night.

Re communication, we both texted our parents when i was in labour (and mil came to pick up eldest and dog). Then dp text them both after the baby was born with a picture. No need to complicate things.

We made sure to give dd1 lots if attention when she visited, she sat with dp and I while mil took dd2. The baby brought her a doll and clothes so she could join in the baby care (another good option for a present is a kids camara so they can join in with taking photos).

Don't overthink it. It will honestly be fine. Sounds like you will need to het to hospital quickly so just plan to get your inlaws right over to yours when it starts. Your ds will be fine. They always manage better than you give them credit for. If he gets s bit less sleep than usual it won't kill him.

In my hospital bag, I packed a toy for DC2 to 'give' to DC1 and my DP took DC1 shopping for a toy for him to give to DC2 when they met.
May also be worth packing DC1 a hospital bag in case he ends up being with you during labour- colouring book, snacks a couple of toys etc.
But try to keep routine as much as possible.