To ask how you deal with differing ambitions

[Happyhappyveggie]

Basically, I'm fed up with my current situation and want change. I keep trying to do stuff to make things happen but DH does nothing so nothing ever changes and I'm finding it an impossible claustrophobic situation.
Aibu to ask how you deal with mismatched ambitions in a relationship? I feel like all my energy and drive gets stamped on by the sheer lack of any energy to do anything by my DP. I don't mean this in a ruthless way- I'm talking pretty small changes generally but literally nothing ever happens because of DP. It's making me very unhappy. The worst thing is that he's unhappy too but rather than do anything about it, he sits for years on end wallowing I self pity and I feel like I can't go on living in this way.
Aibu to ask how you deal with this? It's been years tbh

How many years?

Sounds like your man may be depressed and he needs to tackle that - is he working?

Are you happy with your job? I think you should encourage him to get help with his personal situation but you should take care of yourself and spend time with friends who inspire you, find an interest or a course to engage yourself in - just have some interests outside of your relationship.

Sorry its very generic advice... it sounds like he's dragging you down and you only have one life so you need to think about what will give you happiness x

You and your partner have vastly different life goals. This is basically impossible to reconcile. What is happening is that YOU are the one not living the life you want. Is this how you want your life to play out? Always feeling resentful? Do you have children?

What kind of ambitions are you talking of?

I think this is one of the things that dictates whether you are a well matched couple or not. I'm not sure it's something you can change.

You either accept that this is life is for even more years or you change it by doing whatever it takes.
It sounds as if this is where you have got to.Taking the jump is the hard part.

I feel similar. We've been married 10 years and nothing has changed in the past 4, just plodding along. He does have mental health issues and addiction issues but does very little about sorting them. I'm not sure how much longer I'll stick it to be honest! If I had the financial means or family nearby I'd have moved out.

My DH isn't particularly ambitious professionally, but directs his energy into supporting me, and making sure that I am in a position where I can do what I need to do to improve my circumstances at work. That doesn't mean he doesn't work hard - he works 84 hours a shift pattern over 7 days with 3 days off after - but he has always been willing to do more than his fair share around the house or with DS if I need to go away with work or whatever, and tries to build my confidence so I feel good about myself.

Partly it's down to the age difference - he's older than me and at an age where he prefers less responsibility but a steady and reasonable income - and partly because I have always been driven to go for the next step up in my career to prove that I'm not a failure for not going to uni (that's a whole other issue). It sounds as though you are not getting the sort of support you need, though, which I would find unhelpful and stressful. If your partner doesn't share your drive for himself, he should be able to see it's important to you and not drag you down.