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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask you to divide these chores for me

12 replies

anon97528996 · 05/09/2017 19:35

DP and I live together with no DC but a selection of small and furry friends. I'm under a lot of stress with work and feel like a lot of chores are falling on my shoulders at home too so have raised the idea of setting designated chores - I'm hoping mumsnet wisdom can guide me to some semblance of fairness.

I work 9-5, DP works 9-6. Desk jobs, identical commute.

Currently the housework system looks a bit like this:
DP

morning coffee - daily
wipe down pet areas - daily
pet feeding - daily
small shop trips - ad hoc
big house jobs (painting / fixing) - ad hoc

washing up & kitchen clean - daily
making lunches - daily
clothes laundry - twice weekly
bedding laundry (human and pet beds) - weekly
bathroom cleaning - weekly
deep clean of pet areas - weekly
meal planning - weekly
small house jobs (light bulbs, trips to the loft etc) - ad hoc

We do the weekly shop, tidy ups and cooking dinner either together or taken in turns.

I also entirely manage bills, paperwork, social life, holidays, vets, family visits etc.

I think it's fair for me to do more as I (usually) have more spare time but increasingly I'm having to stay late at work. DP also makes my life harder by leaving the kitchen in a mess or clothes/crap all over the floor which I end up sorting when I get home. I prefer to do my chores when I get home, he tends to leave things until right before bedtime. Am I being moany to ask for a bit more help?

OP posts:

PressForPancakes · 05/09/2017 20:19

Not at all, though he may not see it that way . You seem to be doing an awful lot.

user1471517900 · 05/09/2017 20:22

I love meal planning being in these. Always makes a list look longer.

mummmy2017 · 05/09/2017 20:36

Why don't you just share the weekly tasks and do them together.
That way you can say come on lets do the pet beds.
If your doing it he can't complain as you can then say what you won't help me...

scottishdiem · 05/09/2017 20:44

morning coffee - daily
wipe down pet areas - daily
pet feeding - daily
small shop trips - ad hoc
big house jobs (painting / fixing) - ad hoc
small house jobs (light bulbs, trips to the loft etc) - ad hoc
deep clean of pet areas - weekly
bedding laundry (pet beds) - weekly

And no more mess in kitchen or clothes on the floor. Both bad.

washing up & kitchen clean (should be less if he cleans up after himself) - daily
making lunches - daily
clothes laundry - twice weekly
bedding laundry (human beds) - weekly
bathroom cleaning - weekly
meal planning - weekly

PlaymobilPirate · 05/09/2017 20:52

Get him to write a current list too- my DP often says I miss some of the stuff he does.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 05/09/2017 20:55

Why don't you do a rota, so one do one list each week and switch?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2017 20:56

Basically he does no cleaning at all. Not of clothes, areas or anything. I suppose wiping down counts...

For me it's not about the chores, it's about the times. You have 5 extra hours per week not at work. So should expect to do 5 extra hours chores. Which is quite a lot. That only works if other things are equal (money, time 'off' etc.).

Hanuman · 05/09/2017 21:00

It would make sense for your DP to take on all of the pet stuff - the deep cleaning and vet admin on top of what he already does.

If he then also cleaned the kitchen once a week and also did his own laundry and lunches, I think that would even out

Original poster

anon97528996 · 05/09/2017 21:23

User I did feel like a dick adding that but I only did because I'm the one who budgets, looks for deals, new recipes and figure out the cheapest combo of meals for the week 😳 Dinner from DP consists of leftovers from the freezer with some veg, if no one planned there would be no leftovers. It's a chore I'd be happy to hand over!

It would be great to do it all together but I I get a bit twitchy sitting around in mess.

OP posts:

Original poster

anon97528996 · 05/09/2017 21:30

I love the idea of him sorting all the pet stuff - vet trips are about monthly at the moment and the insurance crap does my head in!

He's also offered to do the weekly shop online but hasn't yet realised that also means planning what to buy. Job done

He agreed that's most of his jobs, often when I'm doing real cleaning he's sorting his random crap or clean laundry I've left in a pile for him.

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 05/09/2017 21:37

You need a list of basic shit everyone in the house over the age of 10 does. Clear dishes to dishwasher after
Meal, washing away, dirty washing in basket ...
And he needs some admin stuff. You have to share that, it sucks your life away.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/09/2017 21:47

Interesting that you refer to him cleaning up after himself as "help" for you.

Also interesting that you asked MN to split the list rather than asking him to do it (or him choosing to do it, knowing that this is an important issue for you).

Also interesting that you put an embarrassed face as if apologising to us, for daring to suggest that all the admin etc is work. It is work to keep your lives running, lots mental effort and hours spent. What has made you think it doesn't count?

Also interesting that you wipe mess he makes, tidy stuff he leaves lying around, launder clothes he wore. As an absolute minimum stop doing these things! And no, not doing his washing and not putting his cereal away would not be "petty". Him leaving it for you is rude and petty. You clearing up after yourself and not after him is normal (until he starts clearing up after you, tidying your things away, laundering your clothes etc).

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