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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask about performance parenting?

40 replies

Iloveanimals · 05/09/2017 15:00

What do you define as PP?

Ds is home educated and therefore when we are out and about we are studying things. I only talk to him and don't shout the whole place down. Mostly it's talking and me asking him questions etc.
But I'd hate to look like a PP Blush
What exactly is one and have you met any recently? I've seen one thread put up this morning and it's kind of stirred me up to ask Grin Stories and examples anyone?

OP posts:
NotAgainYoda · 05/09/2017 17:22

It's not you. Or me. If it is you, you'll never acknowledge it because you are so self-absorbed Grin

Others have said it. It's how loud you are, how ill-behaved your child is, how much you talk instead of doing something when the shit's hitting the fan, and how much you look around to see if others have noticed.

NotAgainYoda · 05/09/2017 17:23

... Also, if you have a posh accent, others may mistakenly assume you are PP even when you are not

NotAgainYoda · 05/09/2017 17:25

... sometimes though, what appears to be PP is just an attempt, possibly too loudly because of anxiety, to ward off a tantrum. Which people will also judge you for

ILoveMillhousesDad · 05/09/2017 17:33

Oh god. We went to an event where the queue was massive and we were PP's captive audience. He may as well have been wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with 'I'M A FUCKING AMAZING DAD ME'.

He was talking very loudly about painting his dd's nails and how he'd done a rather good job for a bloke (then looked at us to make sure we heard)

He then held each of his ds's on each arm and proceeded to lift them up saying he's lifted heavier at the gym (then looked at us to make sure we heard)

He then told the kids they would be going to stay at their mum's tomorrow and they said they didn't want to go. He said he knew they have an amazing time staying with him, but they needed to go home at some point (then looked at us to make sure we heard)

You get the picture.

It was so fucking cringeworthy.

JustifiedandAncient80 · 05/09/2017 17:42

I often talk in an over animated fashion to my toddler about the world around us and we read to her in restaurants - with a 'posh' accent too. Sorry if that has fucked anyone off.

Caprianna · 05/09/2017 17:44

I so prefer it to all the parents I see shouting to, ignoring or just telling their children to shit up around me.

Caprianna · 05/09/2017 17:44

Shut up

grecian100 · 05/09/2017 19:13

I don't think a 'posh' accent has anything to do with pp?!

LenaLoveWitch · 05/09/2017 19:44

My ex was a pp. ignored DD majority of the time but sprang into life if there was an audience. This included speaking about 'daddy' in the 3rd person, using an odd Frenh pronunciation of DD's name when anyone was listening ( we are not French), referencing all the interesting things she'd done with daddy - with heavy reference to posh restaurants we'd visited and 'the ballet'. Every time we had visitors he'd appear with PP presents - e.g. Paul Smith hurt when she was 1 ( worn once as I said it was impractical and he'd have to iron it) Mini golf clubs when she was 4 (full metal job) - never took her to use them even once, an iPad when she was 10 (wasn't her birthday or anything). He was a dreadful father and she was estranged from him by 12. Sad!

TowerRavenSeven · 05/09/2017 19:49

We were at a restaurant and a woman and her child were behind us. The whole time she waited for food she sang in a very loud voice, "fruits have seeds, vegetables do not" over and over.

We were so happy when her food arrived and it shut her up. Until she was done, then she started again.

LonelyLinda · 05/09/2017 20:03

Haven't read it all but let me tell you......

(Knock at the door 8pm, my kids are 6 and 7)

"Do you have any calpol, we don't have calpol, Agnes (8) has never been ill so we've never needed calpol. We are babysitting neighbour, they need calpol"!

WTAF is it just me or is there another living breathing 8 year old that has never needed calpol.

She also didnt have a monitor, just put Agnes to bed from 6pm til 8am whatever happened in between was irrelevant. Even if parents were out of the house.

Perfect parent but actual problem child ended up a school bully sadly.

drspouse · 05/09/2017 20:14

a smug glance our way as the 6 year old put in the pin number

They won't be so smug when the 6 year old turns 8 and has run up a huge bill on in-app purchases/taken all their money out of the bank.

JennyBlueWren · 05/09/2017 21:47

I hadn't heard of Performance Parenting before but my dad used to do this!
He would loudly discuss something he thought would be of interest to the people next to us, often pointing out something which he'd pointed out before (such as the particular type of tiling in the church). I don't think he thought of it that way but just something he did and it did often lead to interesting conversations with other people about the architecture/history or whatever.
We found it a bit annoying though.

Kokapetl · 05/09/2017 22:00

I'm a bit worried about this whole performance parenting thing because there was someone on here complaining about a Mum reading a book with a child and doing all the voices, tones etc. I do this almost on autopilot because that's how I have read it many many times. Also, if I don't, the kids get bored and go back to climbing on things. I probably do look around to check if anyone is listening but only to check I'm not annoying anyone. It's another of these things where you just can't win!

GreenTulips · 05/09/2017 22:30

It's not about the book

It's about 'Look I'm a great parent MY child knows the alphabet backwards and all the capital cities and can recite them by size if population'

Lovely - the other million 2 year olds are life's failures - well bow to your excellence

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