She ghosted me?!

[puzzledlady]

Namechanged for this as i am a somewhat regular poster and don't want to be recognised because i know this is utterly childish

Met a lady on a flight back last week, she had a child about my daughters age and they got on really well. Said lady is also from the country we disembarked from so we had much in common - was a long flight so we spoke for a while. When it was time to leave, we left at separate times so said our goodbyes and we went on to collect luggage. A while later, she comes after us asking to keep in touch and she doesn't have many friends from the same country and how it would be nice blah blah - i was surprised but agreed.

I texted her a few days after as i would be in her area last weekend - no reply. Maybe the jet lag i figured. Then on the weekend let her know i was in the area no answer either. I have social anxiety issue and it takes me a while to make friends, especially with other mums so i was hopeful, but now i feel a little foolish?! I know i need to grow up, but i suppose I'm just a bit hurt. We really did get on well.

I would feel the same way. it's hard when you make an effort and someone ignores you. I've had it happen to me a few times in the past couple of months and I hate how much it bothered me. Im sorry this happened

Thanks GodIsDead - i really don't want it to bother me, and it really annoys me when it does. I do really try! Thank you for not judging me.

That is a bit puzzling, but Im sure it will be more to do with her rather than you. She might just be busy, or she might have a different definition of keep in touch. I think it would be best if you expect nothing, because then if she does contact you youll be pleasantly surprised.

That is a bit puzzling, but Im sure it will be more to do with her rather than you. She might just be busy, or she might have a different definition of keep in touch. I think it would be best if you expect nothing, because then if she does contact you youll be pleasantly surprised.

Could be for any number of reasons that she hasn't replied. Busy? Lost phone? Etc etc

You didn't do anything wrong. It sounds a shame she hasn't replied.

Thanks everyone - you have made me feel a bit better.

I don't think a moderate effort to be friendly should ever make you feel foolish. Two texts is fine (ie not over the top) and you have to put yourself out there when you want to make friends. Its puzzling that she hasn't replied when she suggested it in the first place but I suspect that is her issue not you.

Don't be afraid to make similar overtures to someone else if the situation arises. (I say this as a shy person who has to make myself do these things!)

If you only met her last week, she may be hideously busy, perhaps she lost her phone, or something may have come up. As she came after you asking for details, I would think it's just some problem in her life, not anything to do with you.

Thanks Zebrasinpyjamas - i suppose it is an issue with her and i have to let it go. I used to really try and make friends with the other mums from my daughters school, i arranged meet up's over the weekends at my house, some of them reciprocated but most didn't (which was fine because i liked having them over) After a while, i noticed it was always me texting them and never the other way round, and true enough, after i stopped, they didn't text etc. Which is why with this situation, i was conscious not to come right out and ask if she wanted to keep in touch (owing to past experiences), and was pleasantly surprised when she came after me asking to keep in touch. Im just bewildered i guess!

I wouldn't think too much of it, OP. Many people struggle to keep in touch with people they've known years, never mind new potential friends they've just met! It's not a reflection on you.

Thanks archeryAnnie... I will do my best to try and forget this I think - it's taking up too much of my time and frankly not worth a second thought. Wish I could just forget it!

I think it's very easy to share lots of intimacies with strangers when you're traveling: those long journeys with little to distract you and being thrown together. Then real life clicks in and the intimacy goes. Nothing to worry about, it is a bit sad though.

It's probably a phone issue rather than anything else.

I know this is bad but I'm a bit like this woman.

Sometimes (especially when you're travelling) it's easy to get swept up in a great conversation but then you get home and you've just kind of lost interest, or you forget, or you just cant really be bothered. Sometimes you just think you'd rather the encounter stay as a kind of nice memory of a good conversation on a train/plane/travels.

Dont take it personally, but its just life. It doesnt reflect on you as a person. If shes anything like me, you may get a message from her a few months down the line.

In short, YABU - but understandable 😊

Maybe you have the wrong number?

Be generous, maybe she is also socially anxious (aren't we all, a bit?) and thought it was a good idea at the time but then panicked? I'd probably do that.
It's not about you, really.

There could be a hundred good reasons she didn't reply, none of which are that she ghosted you.

You haven't done anything wrong, she'll probably text soon apologising and explaining that she was ill/children were ill/had visitors etc etc.

If she doesn't, it's her issue, not yours.

@splendidisolation

Sometimes (especially when you're travelling) it's easy to get swept up in a great conversation but then you get home and you've just kind of lost interest, or you forget, or you just cant really be bothered. Sometimes you just think you'd rather the encounter stay as a kind of nice memory of a good conversation on a train/plane/travels.

I'm going to go with the above post. And sorry OP, but I don't think she has 'lost her phone.' Nor is she super busy. She is probably just not that bothered.

As the above poster said, many people get swept up in the moment, and say they will keep in touch with good intentions to do so. But the when their life returns to normal, they get sidetracked and really can't be bothered. I have done it myself before, AND I have had it done to me.

Don't take it personally though.

It would bother me too, so don't question what you've done. A stranger 'reached out' (for want of a better phrase) to you and you responded. However now that you have texted her twice without a reply I would leave it there and assume that she lost her phone/whatever. If she gets in touch at a later date you can decide then whether to get back to her or not. You might feel like it, but don't feel obliged.

I agree with splendid and summercat. I've done it to people for, not intentionally, sometimes even texted or rang a few times but never went further than that. I've had it done to me too. I wouldn't take it personally.

It's odd as she came after you suggesting to keep on touch. It's just bad manners - how hard is it for her to text back and say 'Thanks for thinking of but we are busy for the next few weeks'

It's not Sweden is it? I have moved from London - easy place to make friends of all nationalities and ages to rural Sweden where I have become a people repellent.